Sevvy
by rodeo383
Summary: yolo


**Seventh Time's a Charm**

**Chapter 1: Mutually Exclusive**

"I still can't believe it," Sirius said as we pushed our trunks toward the Hogwarts Express. "I seriously think that Dumbledore must have been Confunded or something."

"Wow, thanks," I replied, pretending to be hurt.

"You have to admit, Prongs, it is a _bit_ surprising," Remus said. "I mean, were _you_ expecting it?"

_Had I expected to be made Head Boy? Honestly . . . _"Well, no. But you do have to admit that I am _pretty _amazing," I added with a grin. "So, it kind of makes sense."

"Right, because that is what the decision is based on," Sirius said sarcastically.

"Maybe Dumbledore caught wind of your plans to 'change your ways,' or however you put it," Remus added with a sly smile.

We reached the train and hoisted our trunks into it before clambering up ourselves. Remus's words conjured up hundreds of images of Lily, none of them pleasant. Then again, none of our encounters ever were. One of the most recent ones had ended with these lovely parting words: "_James Potter, you are the most insensitive, chauvinistic pig I have ever had the misfortune to meet!"_ A bit harsh, but, unfortunately, true. Of course, I didn't want to admit it at the time. However, by the end of last year, I had come to the realization that I was, in fact, an arrogant asshole, and had since resolved to become . . . well, less of one. My friends had teased me mercilessly about it, not so much because they disagreed with my intentions, but because they believed that my motivations could be traced directly to Lily.

I glared at Remus. "I thought you were done mentioning that."

"Not until you admit that you're only doing it so Lily will _finally_ go out with you," Sirius said with a grin. "Which, by the way, won't work," he added quickly. "She's not an idiot; she'll know exactly what you're up to. Look, mate, she's not going to suddenly stop thinking you're an ass just because—"

"Yes, _thank you_," I interrupted. "Save your breath; I've told you a hundred times that it has nothing to do with her."

"Well, you're going to have to tell us at least sixty-seven more times then," Remus said. I looked at him blankly. "One hundred and sixty-seven is the number of times you've asked Lily out," he explained.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "Nice one, Moony," he said appreciatively.

I rolled my eyes. "You're both pricks."

We began to walk along the train car looking for empty compartments. Then I remembered my Head Boy duties. "Shit, I forgot I'm supposed to head up front to welcome the new prefects. I'll find you guys later."

"Have fun!" Sirius called after me sarcastically.

I waved at him over my shoulder as I turned toward the front of the train. I reached the front most compartment, slid the door open, and ducked inside, closing the door behind me. No one was there, so I slumped into a seat with a sigh. I hated this kind of stuff. According to the letter I'd received over the summer, the Head Boy and Girl duties included meetings with the prefects once a month to "check up on them," tutoring first years once a week, and patrol duty three nights a week. I wasn't looking forward to any of it. _Maybe I can sluff most of it off on the Head Girl_, I began, then caught myself. _So much for my resolution,_ I though with a wry smile. _Guess being an ass is just part of my nature._

Not wanting to dwell too much on that rather depressing thought, I began to speculate on who the Head Girl would be. _Maybe that really brainy girl from Hufflepuff; what's her name? Maura, or something. She's pretty nice; that wouldn't be too bad. Oh God, I hope it's not that Ravenclaw girl that's basically stalked Sirius for the last six years. She is weird and creepy._

I purposely avoided thinking about the one person I was almost sure was about to walk into the compartment, because she was the same person I desperately hoped wouldn't. Suddenly, the compartment door was thrown open with a bang, causing me to leap to my feet with surprise.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me!" the girl who'd just entered exclaimed.

Before me stood none other than Lily Evans, Head Girl of Hogwarts.

_Who in their right mind would make James Potter Head Boy?! _I absolutely could not believe it; the thought had never crossed my mind that the one person I loathed—_and for good reason; he's a bullying toe rag—_would be forced into my path like this. I was actually going to have to see and talk to him on a regular basis. _So much for a good final year at Hogwarts_.

James cleared his throat, and I realized that I was still standing in the doorway of the compartment with a shocked look on my face. I quickly composed myself and shut the door.

"So, you're Head Girl, are you Ev—Lily?" James broke the silence as I turned around to face him again. I was caught slightly off guard by his use of my first name, but recovered quickly.

"Yes, clearly I am, Potter," I replied coolly, placing a delicate emphasis on his surname in an effort to convey that we were by no means on a first name basis. I settled myself into one of the seats lining the walls of the compartment and across from me, James did the same. I crossed my arms and legs and stared determinedly at the door.

"Er, how was your summer?" James said after a few seconds of silence.

I looked at him sharply. _Is he actually trying to make conversation? Without any hint of sarcasm or ridicule?_ "Is this all some sort of joke? I mean, I suppose you really _are_ Head Boy?"

James frowned. "Yes, I am," he said defensively.

I laughed shortly. "You sound offended that I would assume you might pull something like that on me," I replied. James just shrugged. "What, no witty reply? I don't think I've ever seen you unable to come up with _something_ horrible to say. You know, I really can't understand what Dumbledore's playing at making you Head Boy, because you are the exact opposite of the type of person that should fill that role—a decent person, for a start." I stopped, because I suddenly noticed that James had been silent throughout my tirade, instead of trying to defend himself like he usually did.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You finished?"

A dull blush colored my cheeks. "Yes," I answered quietly. _What is going on?! First he tries to make small talk, then he makes me feel guilty for loosing my temper . . ._ I sighed angrily. How dare he make it hard for me to hate him?

"Just for the record," James said, "I've never pulled a prank on you."

I was saved the necessity of replying by the arrival of the new Hogwarts prefects. I stood and quickly pasted a smile on my face as they settled into the open seats. James moved to stand beside me as I did a quick head count to make sure everyone was present.

"Hello everyone. Fist, I would just like to say congratulations on being made prefects!" I heard a snort of derision from my left and glanced over to see that it had come from one of the Slytherin prefects. _Typical._ Undaunted, I continued as though I hadn't heard him. "I'm Lily Evans, Head Girl, and this is James Potter." It was comforting to see that some of the prefects looked as surprised as I had been about finding James as Head Boy. As for those who merely looked politely interested, I assumed they just didn't know him. "Well, I just have a few announcements, so hopefully I won't take up too much of your time." I heard the same Slytherin boy mutter 'good' to his fellow prefect. Again, I ignored him. He continued whispering to the girl beside him as I spoke. "As one of your first official prefect duties, you will be taking it in turns to patrol the train throughout our journey to Hogwarts. You are allowed to give out punishments for any rule breaking; however, unreasonable or unwarranted punishments will not be tolerated and could cost you your badge. This goes for any punishments you hand out during the year as well. Now, when we reach—"

"Hold on a minute, Lily," James interrupted. Then he turned to the Slytherin prefect who'd been talking during my instructions. "I'm sorry, but do you have something you'd like to say?"

"Yeah, what exactly is the point of all this?"

"The point? The point is to learn what your responsibilities are as a prefect. I know that responsibility is probably a foreign concept to you, so you _might_ want to actually pay attention. Or at least do the rest of us a favor and _shut it_." He turned back to me with a falsely bright smile on his face. "Carry on."

I desperately wanted to retort that responsibility was a foreign concept to him as well, but decided this probably wasn't the time. "Er—thank you, P—James," I said instead, wincing only slightly as I was forced to use his first name. "Anyway, as I was saying, once we arrive at Hogwarts, you will be responsible for helping us direct the first years towards the boats with Hagrid. After the feast, you will lead them to your common rooms and make sure they all know the password, which will be given to you by your Head of House before the feast begins.

"Okay, I've divided you up so each pair will be on duty patrolling the train for one hour. Anthony and Carissa," I pointed to the Ravenclaw pair, "you'll take the first hour. Jamie and Devon will be next," I indicated the Hufflepuff prefects, "followed by Amy and John, and finally Derrick and Maria," I finished, gesturing at the Gryffindor and Slytherin pairs in turn. "I think that's all I have to say for now; as you know, we will be meeting once a month—look for the meeting times on your common room notice board within the next week."

As they all filed out of the compartment, James leaned in towards me. "You already know their names?" he said, a note of disbelief in his voice.

"Yes," I answered somewhat impatiently, "because I, unlike you, actually take this seriously."

James frowned at me. "We've barely started; how do you know I won't take it seriously?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that you never take anything seriously?" I replied before turning on my heel and following the prefects out into the corridor.

**Chapter 2: Back For the Last Time**

I stared after Lily for a bit, wondering if she had made some sort of pact to hate me forever. _I mean, it would be great if she could at least _try _to like me; otherwise, this year is going to be _very _long. _I sighed. _Well, nothing I can do about it right now. Besides, the food car will be coming by soon—_right on cue, my stomach growled—_so I'd better find my friends._

I began to make my way slowly down the train, swinging my head left and right as I passed each compartment. As I entered the third train car, I found myself face-to-face with my least-favorite person at Hogwarts: Severus Snape.

His lip curled into a sneer at the sight of me, and my hand twitched instinctively towards my pocketed wand. "So, Potter, who'd you have to hex to be made Head Boy?"

"Unfortunately, not you, Snivellus," I replied.

"Well, here's your chance, then," he said, spreading his arms.

I looked at him suspiciously. Snape had never invited me to hex him before; I usually did it in retaliation or simply out of boredom. Not that those were better excuses. My hand inched closer to my wand before I remembered that part of my resolution involved avoiding Snape as much as possible. "No thanks," I said, letting my hand drop to my side.

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Very uncharacteristic, Potter."

"No, I've just decided that you're not worth it."

"How big of you," he sneered.

I shook my head in confusion. "I don't know what you're playing at, Snivellus, but I don't have time for you today. Or any day, for that matter." And with that, I pushed past him and continued down the corridor. When I reached the end of the car, I glanced back to find Snape staring after me with an unreadable expression in his eyes.

I finally found my friends in the second-to-last car. Peter had joined them, and he greeted me enthusiastically when I entered.

"Hey, Peter," I replied listlessly, collapsing into an open seat with a sigh.

"So, how's Lily?" Remus inquired casually.

"Fine, except she—hang on, how did you know she was Head Girl?"

Sirius snorted. "Come on, who else could it be?"

I shrugged. "Well, for my sanity's sake, I'd hoped maybe . . . anyway, this year is going to be rough, to put it lightly. She hates me."

"And you've just discovered this?" Sirius asked.

I glared at him. "No, but I thought that maybe since we were being forced to share each other's company that she'd . . . I don't know, change her mind. At least a bit."

"Yeah, maybe when hell freezes over," Sirius said.

I aimed a kick at his leg.

When we arrived at Hogsmeade Station, my stomach was growling yet again and I was anxious to get to the feast. But first . . .

"Save me a seat at Gryffindor table; I've gotta go herd the firsties," I said.

"We can take your trunk if you want," Peter said.

"Actually, that would be great, thanks," I replied.

"Remember, you were a first year once too," Remus said with a slight smile.

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks, Moony."

I made my way off the train, yelling, "First years, this way!" as I stepped onto the platform. Soon, I had a small entourage of nervous-looking kids dogging my every step. I was tempted to lead them in completely the wrong direction, but then I imagined what Lily would have to say about that and decided against it. _She takes all the fun out of my life_, I thought with a sigh._ So stop chasing her,_ my reasonable half retorted. _Yeah, I wish it were that simple._ Thinking about my inexplicable crush on Lily never put me in a good mood, so I was thankful when Hagrid's booming voice cut into my thoughts.

"All righ' James?" he shouted over the heads of the students.

I glanced back at the first years following me and grinned at the fearful-now-bordering-on-panicked looks on their faces. "Hey, Hagrid," I called back. "Got some first years for you."

"Yeh know, I'd never have picked yeh fer Head Boy, Potter," Hagrid said with a wink as I reached him. "But then, Dumbledore always was a funny man, wasn' he?"

I grimaced. "Trust me, I'd rather he hadn't chosen me."

"Ah, yeh'll be jus' fine," Hagrid assured me. "May have to cut back on the pranks, mind," he added, wagging his finger at me in mock-admonishment.

"Yeah, it's the straight and narrow all the way for me now," I said seriously.

Hagrid chuckled. "Well, I won' keep yeh from yer friends. See yeh at the feast!"

As I turned away I caught sight of Lily a few feet away, pointing some first years over towards Hagrid. They were looking from her to Hagrid with half-apprehensive, half-doubtful looks on their faces. Suddenly, she glanced up, and our eyes met. (I asked her to dance; she asked me to die.) I grinned at her, gesturing towards the first years; she quickly looked away. _Oh my God, am I seriously that repulsive?_ Sighing, I headed towards the horseless carriages. As I passed one of them, I heard my name. Doubling back, I saw Sirius, Remus, and Peter inside. I hopped in alongside Peter, and the carriage lurched forward towards Hogwarts castle.

As I entered Hogwarts through the oak front doors, I couldn't help but smile. _I can't believe it's my last year here. Six years has gone by fast. _I remembered back to my first year, when I had been so nervous about coming. _Now Hogwarts feels more like home than my house._ I sighed as I remembered my frosty parting with Petunia this morning. Since the beginning, my magical abilities had driven a wedge between us; I doubted that our relationship would ever be the same again. _Ever since Severus . . . _But that was another relationship I didn't want to think about. I hadn't seen him yet, but I knew our paths would cross sooner or later.

"Lily! Hello!" My best friend Brea's voice cut into my thoughts. I looked over at her and she rolled her eyes. "I had to say your name three times to get your attention; what's up?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking about how unbelievable it is that it's our last year here," I replied, deciding this was the safest of my thoughts to share. By now we had reached the Gryffindor table, and the three of us sat down, Brea beside me with my other best friend Sophie beside her.

"I know, isn't it sad?" Sophie said. "We'll just have to make it the best year ever!"

I smiled. "Absolutely." _Of course, James being made Head Boy has already put a damper on my year._ I glanced down the table to where he was sitting and thought back over our conversation that day. As much as I hated to admit it, something _was_ different about him. _Maybe this year won't be so bad after all,_ I consented.

Just then, the Sorting ceremony began. I clapped along with my fellow Gryffindors as each new first year joined our table, but my thoughts and eyes kept wandering over to James. _I suppose I could _try _to like him,_ I thought as the last of the first years was sorted into Hufflepuff and the welcome feast appeared magically before us. _Or at least try not to hate him._ _Well, it really all depends on him, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see._

I participated only half-heartedly in Brea and Sophie's animated conversation about the year ahead and their plans to make it memorable. Brea was the first to notice my distraction.

"What do you keep looking at, Lily?" she asked, leaning towards me in an attempt to follow my eyeline. She raised her eyebrows. "Wait, you're not looking at James, are you?"

"As a matter of fact, I am," I replied, and both Brea and Sophie stared at me in shock. "During our meeting on the train, he acted—well—differently. As in, less annoying than usual. And I was trying to see if I had imagined it."

Now Sophie and Brea were looking at James too. Suddenly, he glanced over and caught us staring at him. He winked, then turned back to his friends. We all quickly returned our gazes to our plates. _Well, that answers that, _I thought as Sophie let out a high pitched giggle.

"God, Sophie, get a handle on yourself," I said in annoyance.

"What?" she protested. "He's cute!"

"More than cute," Brea added, wiggling her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

I glared at them.

"Come on, Lils, you can't deny that's he's attractive," Brea said.

"Maybe not, but I that doesn't change the fact that I despise him," I retorted.

"Yeah, we know," Brea and Sophie replied in unison.

**Chapter 3: Another Year Begins**

"Gotta love the first day of school," Sirius said satisfactorily as we scanned our new schedules at breakfast. "Free period, morning break, Potions, lunch, another free period, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Herbology. Man, every year should be seventh year!"

"Except that seventh year is also N.E.W.T. year," Remus reminded him.

Sirius waved an impatient hand. "Don't be such a killjoy, Moony."

"Yeah, you know we won't be thinking about those until . . . oh, maybe a week beforehand?" I added.

"That's because you don't _have_ to think about them until then," Peter said dejectedly. "Everyone knows you'll both get seven N.E.W.T.s no problem. As for the rest of us . . ."

"Well, first of all," I replied, "we're only taking five classes, so it would be physically impossible for us to get seven N.E.W.T.s. And second, have we ever let you fail before? Just stick with us, and you'll be fine."

Remus frowned at me slightly. But when I returned a questioning look, he just shook his head. Later, as we were walking to Potions, Remus grabbed my arm. I dropped back behind Sirius and Peter.

"What?"

"I realize that it's a bit late for this, but I've been thinking that maybe we should let Peter alone more this year when it comes to schoolwork. I mean, we've pulled him along all these years, but that's not how it's going to work after school."

I shrugged. "Okay. But we can't actually let him fail, which, you have to admit, is a definite possibility."

Remus smiled. "Agreed."

We entered Slughorn's Potion's classroom and sat down at a table near the back. Out of habit, I scanned the room for Lily; her red hair made her easy to spot, sitting to the right and two tables up from me. As I was about to turn away and begin setting up my potions equipment, Snape stalked past our table and stopped beside Lily. I leaned forward slightly, trying to eavesdrop on their conversation, but both were speaking too quietly for me to hear. However, I didn't have to be within earshot to see that Lily did not look happy to see him.

As I was enjoying the satisfaction of this observation, Sirius glanced up and spotted Snape as well. He sighed. "Since I didn't see him on the train or at the feast yesterday, I'd started to hope that maybe he wasn't coming back this year. Then again, if he wasn't here, I couldn't do this." And he pointed his wand under the table at Snape's bookbag and whispered, "_Diffindo!_"

Snape's bag split open and his books, quill, some loose parchment, and a bottle of ink tumbled to the floor. I snorted with laughter as Snape snatched wildly at his things, only managing to catch one book. Lily whipped around in her seat, glaring at Sirius and me. Snape whirled around as well, anger twisting his features as he plunged a hand inside his robes for his wand. But before he could draw it out, Professor Slughorn entered the room.

"Take your seats, everyone," he said as he strode to the front of the room, barely glancing at Snape and the mess of things that surrounded him. "First of all, welcome back! I'm very pleased that so many of you signed up to take Potions this year. However, as it is your final year at Hogwarts, I will be expecting a lot from you. Nothing that you cannot handle, I'm sure!" He winked at us all. "For today, you will be reviewing the proper brewing of the Draught of Living Death." When no one moved, he waved his hand at us and added, "Well, hop to it!"

Shortly after everyone began chopping up their ingredients, Slughorn made his way over to Lily, who was one of his favorite students. "Well, well, m'dear, I believe congratulations are in order!" he boomed. _I'll have no trouble hearing _this _conversation,_ I thought, smiling to myself. "I hear you were named Head Girl! Well deserved, well deserved indeed."

Lily smiled. "Thank you, sir."

"But," Slughorn continued, coming over to our table, "I was most surprised by _you_, Mr. Potter," he said. "I have to admit, I'd never have expected you to be made Head Boy."

"Join the club," Sirius muttered.

"Believe me, sir," I said, "I probably expected it less than you did."

Slughorn chuckled and clapped me on the shoulder. "I'm sure you'll do us proud. And speaking of clubs, Mr. Black," he added, turning to Sirius, "my invitation to the Slug Club still stands."

"And as always, I must politely and regretfully decline, sir," Sirius said seriously (haha, I had to have at least one of those in here!).

Slughorn shook his head. "Shame. I'd love to have you."

"I'm sure you would," Sirius replied, his growing impatience thinly veiled.

But Slughorn was not to be deterred so easily. "You know, you're brother—" he began as a last attempt.

"Is one of the reasons I keep refusing you," Sirius said.

"Ah, yes, you two don't really get on, do you?" Slughorn asked.

Sirius smiled grimly. "You could say that," he replied.

"All right, all right; I give up," Slughorn consented, throwing up his hands in surrender. He turned away and started towards the front of the classroom, but had taken no more than a few steps before he turned back. "I wouldn't mind seeing you at my little get-togethers, Mr. Potter."

I stared at him in surprise. "Er . . ."

Without giving me a chance to formulate an actual reply, Slughorn continued, "I'll send you notice of the first one."

When Slughorn had reached the front of the room, Sirius rounded on me. "You're not going to go, are you?"

"Of course not," I replied. "I'll just make sure I schedule Quidditch practice or something during all of his 'get-togethers.'"

"Good," Sirius said with relief. "Because you know the only people that are part of his precious 'Slug Club' are obnoxious suck-ups like my worthless brother."

"And Lily," Remus added casually, not looking up from his cauldron.

I hadn't considered this. A smile spread slowly across my face. _Wouldn't she just _love _to spend even more time with me this year?_

Sirius was shaking his head at me. "Absolutely not, Prongs," he said emphatically. "That is _not_ an excuse. I'll never speak to you again if—"

"All right," I interrupted, "keep your trousers on. I'm not going to pretend it's not tempting, but I'd probably be bored out of my mind the whole time—and that's what class is for, right?"

Sirius grinned. "Right."

I stared at Slughorn as he returned to the front of the classroom, hardly believing what I'd just heard. _Did he just ask _James _to join the Slug Club! Sure, I'll admit that I hated Slughorn's little parties at first, but sometimes they're kind of fun, especially when he invites one of the famous people he knows. But if James is there . . ._

I turned to Brea and Sophie. "He'd better not come!"

They frowned at me. "Who? And to what?" Brea asked.

"James!" I replied impatiently. "To the Slug Club meeting! Why does he always have to ruin everything?"

"Okay, clam down, Lily," Sophie said, holding up a placating hand. "It's not the end of the world. Besides, you're already going to be spending time with him this year doing your Head Boy and Girl duties."

"Exactly!" I replied. "I'd rather spend the least amount of time with him as possible."

"Well, let's just consider the probability that he'll actually show up. I mean, can you seriously see him liking something like that?" Brea reasoned.

"I don't know, probably not. But I wouldn't put it past him to show up just to spite me."

"Really Lily, can't you cut the guy some slack?" Sophie implored. "You said yourself that he seemed different this year."

"Well, I must have imagined it, because he's right back to his old pranks—did you see what he did to Severus's bag?"

"Okay, first of all, I'm pretty sure Sirius actually cast the spell," Sophie said. "And second, that's not half as bad as the stuff they've done before."

"And speaking of Severus, what's up with you two anyway?" Brea added.

I sighed. "I don't know." We'd been growing apart over the last year. _Ever since he—_but I didn't want to think about that right now. "He wants to meet me during our next free period to 'talk about things,' whatever that means."

"Well, have fun with that," Sophie said, in a tone that indicated she didn't envy my position in the slightest.

"Thanks," I replied heavily.

We continued our potion brewing in silence for the rest of the lesson, each needing to concentrate on remembering the proper techniques for the Draught of Living Death. _An appropriate potion for my mood right now,_ I thought grimly. So far, seventh year was falling far below my expectations. _It is only the first day, _I amended. _And I would still rather be here than home, my problems with James and Severus aside._

The bell rang just as I was finishing my potion. Knowing I hadn't done my best on it, but not too bothered because I had bigger things on my mind, I corked a sample of it and brought it to Slughorn's desk. I barely noticed what I ate at lunch, preoccupied with my upcoming chat with Severus.

"What does he want, anyway?" I said, interrupting Brea and Sophie's conversation about what our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher would be like. He hadn't been present at the welcoming feast last night, but it was rumored that he was an ex-Auror.

Both of my friends gave me blank looks. "Probably to teach us advanced defensive magic?" Sophie replied slowly.

I gave her a withering look. "No, not our professor. Severus!"

"I'm sorry, my mind-reading skills are a little off today," Sophie replied, somewhat defensively.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap," I said apologetically. "It's just that I thought it was obvious that we weren't friends anymore. First there was the Mudblood incident, and if that's not enough, I hate all of his Slytherin "friends" and I'm pretty sure he's seriously considering becoming a Death Eater." I was slightly surprised to hear myself voicing the fear I'd carefully avoided thinking about so far.

Brea gave me a concerned look. "Do you really think it's that bad?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I could be blowing things out of proportion." _But I doubt it,_ I added silently. "Anyway, I'd better go."

"We'll meet you in the common room?" Brea said uncertainly.

"Yeah, it probably won't take the whole free period. At least, I hope it doesn't."

I turned regretfully away from my friends and crossed through the entrance hall, out the oak front doors, and into the bright afternoon sunshine. Severus had said he'd meet me by the lake, and, sure enough, I spotted a lone figure leaning against my favorite study tree, a magnificent oak near the lakeshore. When he saw me approaching him, Severus pushed away from the tree and stood facing me.

I crossed my arms as I reached him and said sharply, "What do you want?"

He was silent for a minute; it looked like he was having an inner struggle over how to respond. Finally, he burst out, "I don't want to lose you as a friend!"

I raised my eyebrows. _Ok, getting straight to the point. _"How am I supposed to respond to that?"

Severus shrugged.

I sighed in frustration. "You _do _recall the reason we're not friends anymore, correct?"

"Yes! But can't you just forget that? I've told you that it was an accident!"

I snorted derisively. "You don't 'accidentally' call your friend a Mudblood!"  
"Oh, come on, Lily!" Severus replied angrily. "One mistake, and I'm done? Won't you even consider giving me a second chance?"

"Oh Severus, you know that's not the only reason. Everyone else you consider 'friends' . . . I don't understand how you can be around them! They are all absolutely horrible, and I'm afraid you're—" I stopped, unable to say what I'd just confessed to Brea and Sophie.

"What if I stopped being friends with them?"

I shook my head. "We both know you won't."

Severus looked away, anger and frustration distorting his features. Finally, he looked back at me. "So that's it then?"

"I guess it is." I turned and stalked back towards the castle. As I reached the front doors, I glanced back towards the lake. Severus was still standing there, staring after me. _Well, that's finally over,_ I thought, trying to ignore the nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach. He had been the first member of the wizarding world I'd met._ The first person who truly understood what I was. It'll be weird not to—but we can't be friends anymore, not if he's going to continue down the path I'm afraid he's begun._

Lost in my thoughts, I almost ran into someone as I turned down the corridor to the Gryffindor common room. "Sor—oh, it's you," I said irritably, looking up into James' face.

He grinned. "Good to see you, too."

I started to move past him, then stopped. "Actually, I've been meaning to ask you which days of the week you want for patrol duty. The prefects patrol alone on Sundays, and we each take three of the remaining nights. So, any preferences?"

James shrugged. "I'll just do whatever days you don't want."

"Oh," I said, taken aback by his chivalry. "Uh, thanks. I just thought that—with Quidditch . . ."

"Well, I am the captain, so I can arrange practices around my schedule, and everyone else will just have to deal with it."

"Okay, well, I guess I'll take Monday, Wednesday, and Friday?"

"Sounds good. And we'll have to schedule prefect meetings and tutoring sessions sometime too."

_Did I hear that right? _James _is concerned about fulfilling his responsibilities? _"Right, yeah. Maybe we can figure that out tonight?"

"Okay, great. See you in class!"

He continued past me, while I remained rooted to the spot. _Did we just have an actual conversation?_

**Chapter 4: Werewolves and Wankers**

"So, you two actually had a real conversation?" Sirius said slowly after I finished telling him, Remus, and Peter about my most recent encounter with Lily. We were sitting in the back of our Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, waiting for class to begin. Our mystery professor had not yet arrived. "As in, one where she didn't mention one of your innumerable unforgivable qualities?"

I glared at him.

"What? You have to admit, that _is_ how most of your conversations end."

"Or start," Peter added.

"Okay, okay," I held up my hands in surrender. "I suppose you're right," I grudgingly admitted. "But that's all about to change."

"Oh, here we go," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"What? You said yourself that this conversation was notably different. You may have teased me before about 'changing my ways' but I think it's working," I said triumphantly.

"I think you might be jumping to conclusions a bit," Remus said. "I mean, this was one time."

"I take that as a challenge, and I accept!" I declared dramatically. "Just you wait, you will eat your words, Remus John Lupin!"

He just shook his head as Sirius and Peter laughed.

"All right everyone, settle down."

I looked up to see our new professor stride into the room. He was tall, with short black hair and a young-looking face. As he turned to face the class behind the teacher's desk, I noticed that he had a long scar running from his left temple past his eye and across his cheek.

"My name is Martin Reichert and as you have no doubt deduced, I am your new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I would first like to clear up a rumor that has reached my ears—no, I am not an ex-Auror; however, I do hope to become one in the near future. I will begin training next summer, so I am only here to teach temporarily."

"Nothing new for us," I muttered to Sirius.

As though he'd heard me, Professor Reichert continued, "Of course, that's not strange to you guys, is it? It was the same when I was here—seven different Defense professors during my seven years of schooling. And as you no doubt have realized by now, that means there is a high likelihood that I'll be repeating some subjects other professors have already covered. I apologize for that, but remember that I'm preparing you for your N.E.W.T.s—just think of any repetition as a chance to build up you knowledge for the exams."

Reichert spent the rest of the lesson detailing the topics most likely to appear on our N.E.W.T.s. Non-verbal spells would account for a large majority of the practical portion, and much of the written exam would center around proper identification of and defense against dark creatures—Inferi, dementors, werewolves (Remus winced slightly when they were mentioned), acromantula, and the like.

"Seems like a nice enough bloke," Sirius commented as we were packing up at the end of the lesson.

"Really? I think he leaves something to be desired," Remus countered darkly.

"Come on, Moony, you're used to the prejudice by now, right?" I said. "Besides, not all of them are as wonderful as you," I added with a winning smile.

Remus smiled reluctantly. "I suppose that _was_ a bit of a swift judgment. And I am dangerous; I can't ignore that. Still, it's hard to hear sometimes."

"Well it should be," Sirius said emphatically. "It's not you're fault, nor would you choose it to be this way if you _had_ a choice. And you're not that dangerous."

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"It's true," Peter piped in, sounding eager to contribute to the conversation. "We've been out with you countless times when you're transformed and you've never hurt us."

"Keep your voice down," was all Remus said. He seemed uncomfortable, as he always was when this topic came up.

"Whatever the case, we still like you," I said, signaling the end of the discussion. I slung my arm around him playfully in an attempt to lighten his mood. I succeeded in bringing a smile back to my friend's face as we emerged into the afternoon sunshine.

_Not bad, for a first day,_ I thought as I walked back to Gryffindor tower with Brea and Sophie. _We have much less homework in comparison to the first day of sixth year, so that's definitely a plus. And resisting the urge to rip James's head off every time we're forced to be in the same room might not be so hard after all._ I deliberately ignored the part of my brain that conjured up Severus's hurt and angry expression from this afternoon.

"Only having three classes in a day is nice," Brea commented with a contented sigh as we settled into our usual chairs in the common room.

"Yeah, I thought this year would be a lot more difficult than last year, but not so far," Sophie agreed.

I raised an eyebrow. "You realize that your judgment is only based on the first day," I said with a smile.

"Leave it to you, Lily, to bring us back down to earth," Sophie said, feigning annoyance.

"And on that note, I think I'm going to start my homework," I said, pulling out my Potions book.

"No, seriously?" Brea said incredulously. "That essay's not due for ages."

"It's due Friday," I replied. "Besides, I'll have Head Girl duties between now and then, so I'd rather get a head start so I'm not scrambling to finish it later. And I'm guessing McGonagall and Flitwick won't be as lenient on us tomorrow as our professors were today."

Brea stared at me in disbelief. "You are far too responsible for your own good," she pronounced.

"Yes, Lily, I think Brea and I have failed you as friends," Sophie added seriously.

I frowned at her.

She continued, "We haven't corrupted you nearly as much as you so obviously need."

I glared at her. "Very funny."

"I'm serious! Promise you'll try to have some fun this year—it's our last one at Hogwarts! You can't spend it studying all the time!"

"I'll have you know that I have fun every year," I said defensively. "But this is also the most important year, because our N.E.W.T. scores will determine which jobs we'll be eligible for," I reminded her.

"Fine! I give up," she replied in frustration.

I turned back to my essay with a smile. Sophie and Brea began to discuss in low voices what exactly would be the best way to "corrupt" me. I ignored them; they had always maintained that I was too serious, that I needed to "loosen up," and I would counter that I liked how I was just fine, thank you very much. I didn't need to act out all of the time to have fun. Unlike some people.

As if on cue, a loud explosion made me jump. I looked around for the source of the noise, and saw that James and Sirius were intently engaged in a game of Exploding Snap. _What a surprise, _I thought sarcastically. _Does James have some sort of unwritten rule that every time I start to form a descent opinion of him, he has to do something to ruin it?_

I returned to my potions book, but it was hard to concentrate when mini-explosions kept erupting behind me. After a few minutes, I realized that instead of paying attention to what I was reading, I was listening in anticipation of the next explosion. I sighed in annoyance and looked over at them again. Peter was watching avidly, but Remus was engrossed in homework, seemingly unfazed by the noise. _I suppose he's used to it by now,_ I mused.

Just as I was about to tell them to knock it off, James jumped up and shouted, "Ha! Victory is mine!"

Sirius slumped back in his chair with a disgruntled look on his face. James placed a hand on Sirius's shoulder and announced, "Do not despair, my friend. You were a worthy opponent, and we shall meet in combat again!" He swept into a dramatic bow, then spun on his heel and started in my direction. I quickly turned back to my essay, hoping it would deter him from coming over to me. But of course it did no such thing.

"You know, that's not due 'til Friday," he said conversationally, nodding at the parchment spread across my lap.

"So I've heard," I answered dryly.

James shrugged. "Okay, just checking."

"You know, not all of us are as brilliant as you and can afford to put everything off until the last minute," I replied sarcastically.

"Well, that's true," James agreed seriously.

I shook my head exasperatedly. "You're so arrogant," I muttered.

"What?"

"I said, you're so arrogant," I repeated more loudly.

"Excuse me, but _you_ brought it up. I was merely agreeing with what is, I believe, a well-known fact."

"I assume you didn't come over here just to talk about this," I said.

"No, but I'll gladly continue if you want," he replied with a grin.

When I simply crossed my arms without replying, he continued.

"I was going to ask if now would be a good time to talk about all the lovely things we have to schedule."

"Oh, right. Er, sure, now's fine." I uncrossed my arms and reached for a fresh piece of parchment as James took the empty chair beside me. "So, we're supposed to have one meeting with the prefects each month, and a tutoring session for the first years once a week. I was thinking maybe Friday nights for tutoring; that way they can get a head start on weekend homework plus ask us about anything they had trouble with during the week." I paused and looked at James to see what he thought.

"A brilliant idea," he said gallantly. "Of course, I would suspect nothing less from you."

I just glared at him. "Got it all out of your system now?" I asked testily.

"Yep, sorry," James said, slightly shamefaced.

"Okay, so Friday afternoon it is. Now, for prefect meetings—"

"Last Sunday of the month?" James interrupted, as if trying to make a valuable contribution in an effort to atone for his earlier comment. "I just figured most people wouldn't have anything going on Sunday nights. And besides, it'll force me to get an earlier start on my homework," he added with a wink.

Unfortunately, it was a good idea. "Sure, that should be fine," I agreed reluctantly. "Well, I guess that's it. I'll post dates on the bulletin board in the next couple of days."

"Sounds good." James got up and started back to his friends. Suddenly he turned back, frowning. "Aren't you supposed to be doing rounds right now?"

I glanced at my watch. _Damn, he's right. I hate when that happens._ "Right," I mumbled, brushing past him. As I slipped through the portrait hole, I heard him laugh. My cheeks burned with the thought that it was probably directed at me.

**Chapter 5: Confusion**

The rest of the week passed without incident. I saw Lily a lot less than I had that first day—I had the sneaking suspicion that she was avoiding me. Which, I had to admit, was impressive, considering we had all of our classes together and were in the Gryffindor common room for most of our free time.

Unfortunately, McGonagall and Flitwick gave us loads of homework on the second day of classes, and between that and my patrol duties, I was forced to do homework on Saturday morning. I was lamenting this fact to anyone who would listen, which at the moment was Peter, because he was waiting for me to finish the Transfiguration work so he could copy mine.

"I mean, patrolling is so pointless," I said, glancing around quickly for Lily, who was, once again, absent from the common room. "You just wander aimlessly around the corridors for three hours; nothing ever happens. And even if people did want to cause trouble, d'you think they'd be stupid enough to do it in plain sight? Or even if they did, what are the chances that I'd catch them?"

"Well, maybe you'll be able to find another secret passage for the Map," Peter offered as consolation, referring to the epic magical map of the school we had started in our fifth year.

"I doubt it. I think we've covered that base pretty thoroughly." I worked in silence for a few minutes, finishing up my assignment. As I was handing it to Peter, I caught Remus's eye. Remembering our conversation the other day, I snatched back my hand. "Actually, it'd probably be better if you tried it first and then used my work to check your answers," I said to Peter.  
He looked at me in surprise. Never one for conflicts, however, he just nodded and took out his Transfiguration book. I decided to take a break from homework as Peter worked. As I stared aimlessly around the common room, a sixth year girl I recognized by sight entered and came over to me. "James Potter?" she asked. I nodded and she handed me a small roll of parchment. "I'm supposed to give you this," she said before turning away.

Curious, I unrolled the parchment.

Mr. Potter,

I hope to have the pleasure of your company this evening at eight o'clock for a small get-together in my office. (SKETCHY! Haha, jk)

Sincerely,

Horace Slughorn

I sighed. _I'd hoped he would forget about this. Should've known he wouldn't, though. _I nudged Sirius and showed him the note.

He shook his head in disgust. "You're not going," he said, more a statement than a question.

"I already said I wasn't, didn't I?" I replied. "Although it would be kind of fun to go and see how ridiculous it is."

Sirius looked at me shrewdly. "And by that you mean it would be fun because Lily would be there."

I glared at him. "Will you let that go?"

"Not until you do," he replied sweetly. He glanced behind me. "And speak of the devil," he said, nodding towards the portrait hole.

I twisted around in my chair in time to see the same sixth year girl who'd given me Slughorn's note approach Lily and hand her a similar roll of parchment. A slight smile curved her lips as she read the note.

Curious to see how she'd react if she thought I was going too, I called, "Hey, you got one too?"

Lily looked over at me, frowning, so I held up my note and pointed to hers. Her eyes widened in surprise. "_You're_ coming tonight?" she asked, sounding slightly horrified at the idea.

_Ouch._ "Can't. I've got duty, remember?"

"Oh, good," she said, and I had to admit that the obvious relief in her voice stung a bit. To my surprise, however, she blushed and continued, "I—I just meant, it's good you have an excuse, because you probably wouldn't like it. You know, it's not really your thing."

"No, trust me, it's the last place I want to be tonight," I assured her, though that wasn't entirely true.

"Okay, yeah," she said. "Well, I've got to . . ." she trailed off, turning and heading straight back out of the portrait hole.

It would have been funny to see her so flustered if I wasn't trying to figure out what had just happened. She'd actually tried to cover up her dislike for me. So did that mean that she _didn't _hate me after all? Girls were confusing.

I turned back around in my chair to find all three of my friends staring at me.

"Well, that was . . . different," Sirius said finally.

"My thoughts exactly," I agreed. "I mean, what was that about?"

"Perhaps Lily is trying to change her ways as well," Remus said, his lips twitching.

"Oh, don't mock me, Moony," I replied. I turned to Peter. "You finished with Transfiguration yet?"

I could feel my cheeks burning as I practically bolted out of the portrait hole and hurried along the corridors back to the library. For the past week, it had been my safe haven away from James. _And apparently for good reason,_ I thought, cringing as I replayed our most recent conversation. For some reason the hurt look in his eyes after I'd expressed my relief that he wasn't joining the Slug Club had caused me to backtrack and . . . _quite honestly, completely embarrass myself. Why do I suddenly feel the need to treat him like a decent person? Probably because he's actually _been _a decent person the past few days. He hasn't tried to flirt with me every chance he gets—sure, there's been the occasional comment, but nothing like the past few years. And he hardly argues back when I snap at him. Yet there have definitely been moments that remind me why I used to hate him so much. Wait, used to? This _is _James we're talking about. _I stopped suddenly because I realized that I was having a conversation with myself. I sighed in frustration._ Things were easier when he wasn't so confusing._

Apparently, fate was against me, because I turned down the corridor to the library and found myself face to face with Severus.

We both froze and stared at each other. He recovered first.

"Hey, Lily," he said tentatively.

Not wanting to deal with this—_again, I might add—_I simply continued on my way to the library.

"What, you're not even going to acknowledge my existence now?"

I whirled around. "What do you want me to say? That I miss you? That I wish we were still friends? Well, I would say those things, except I don't want to be friends with a Dea—" I stopped abruptly, mentally cursing my temper.

Severus looked as though I'd slapped him. "You think I'm going to become a Death Eater? Do you honestly think I'm capable of that?"

"I don't know, are you?" I shot back.

"No! I'd never do that to you," he replied fervently.

I frowned "To me? What's that supposed to mean?"

"That I would never become a Death Eater because I know you'd react—well, like this!"

"So you're saying if I were out of the picture, there'd be nothing stopping you?"

"No, that's not—Lily, you know that's not what I meant."

"Do I? I don't know, Severus."

"I see," he replied icily. "You're determined to hate me, then."

"I don't hate you," I replied quietly.

"Really? Because you don't accidentally call someone you like a Death Eater!"

I winced, hearing the echo of my words from our meeting by the lake.

"Look Lily," he continued in a calmer, yet still emphatic, tone. "I promise you I will never become a Death Eater." (Ooo, boy, you'll regret those words!)

I nodded. I wanted to believe him, yet . . . I could still clearly see the twisted look on his face as he said that horrible word, one that had never seemed so shocking until it fell from his lips.

"So, can we be friends again?" he asked hesitantly.

I bit my lip. "I don't know. I don't know if we can just pick up where we left off, because where we left off . . ." I trailed away, again remembering the day that had rent a tear in our friendship.

"I've apologized about a hundred times for that! What do I have to do to make it up to you? I'll do anything."

"That's just it. I don't know if there is anything you can do." I turned away, but not before seeing the same pained look in Severus's eyes that I'd seen earlier in James's.

**Chapter 6: Back To That**

Monday morning found me and my friends sitting in the back of Charms, practicing nonverbal Summoning Charms. Nonverbal spells made it rather difficult to have a chat while pretending to work, but of course, that wasn't deterring us.

After making sure Professor Flitwick was busy helping another student, Sirius said in a low, casual voice, "Full moon's coming up."

"Yes, it is," Remus agreed, somewhat bitterly.

"So, what d'you say?" Sirius continued. "I missed our little adventures over the summer."

"I'm up for anything," I said. "Moony?"

"You know I prefer your company to the alternative," Remus added.

"And I have to be there to freeze the Whomping Willow," Peter said by way of agreement, sounding proud that he was a necessary part of our plans.

"Okay, that's settled then," Sirius said with a satisfied smile. "I'll see you all Friday night."

"You'll probably see us before then," I reminded him with a grin.

"Yeah, well I meant I'll see the _real_ Moony, Wormtail, and Prongs," Sirius explained.

"Boys, I shouldn't see your lips moving!" Flitwick's voice squeaked from beside us, making us jump.

We immediately trained our wands back on our targets—large pillows in the front of the classroom. I'd never really understood the point of nonverbal spells; wouldn't whispering work just as well to conceal your intentions? I mean, they could be amusing—I had done my fair share of _Levicorpus_-ing—but they took so much concentration that you'd be unable to react quickly in a dueling situation.

I looked down the line to where Lily was standing. As I watched, she waved her wand and the pillow she was supposed to be summoning flew straight into her arms. _Perfect as usual, _I thought. On an impulse, I pointed my wand at her pillow and thought _Accio _as hard as I could. To my satisfaction, an invisible force yanked the pillow out of Lily's hands and sent it zooming across the room into mine. The surprised look on her face turned to one of annoyance as she followed the pillow's trajectory.

"Very funny, Potter," she said. "But you're supposed to be practicing with _that _one." She pointed to the pillow across from me before flicking her wand again. The pillow in my hands returned to its original owner.

"I know," I replied. "But it's so much more fun this way."

I had forgotten that Friday was our first tutoring session until Lily came up to me in the common room after dinner to remind me. Of course, I played it off like I'd remembered; I _was _still trying to convince her that I was a decent and responsible person. As soon as she'd left, I turned to Sirius and Peter. Remus had been gone since the previous evening.

"Damn, I forgot about my _wonderful _Head Boy duties," I said. "I'll get done as fast as I can—hopefully there aren't a lot of first years who are lost already."

"Can't you just skip it?" Sirius asked. "Like you said, how many of them could need help after only two weeks?"

It was tempting. I looked over at Lily, and thought about what she'd say if I asked to skip the first session. "Can't," I said reluctantly. "Lily would kill me."

Sirius shook his head in mock disappointment. "Prongs, this Head Boy stuff is making you too responsible for your own good. Okay, we'll be waiting for you in that abandoned classroom just off of the Entrance Hall."

So, half an hour later, Invisibility Cloak stuffed down the inside of my robes, I left the common room with Lily and headed for the empty Transfiguration classroom on the third floor. We'd chosen this location because it was approximately equidistant from all of the common rooms. After walking in silence for a few minutes, I glanced at Lily. She was scowling slightly and appeared to be deep in thought. _Now that I think of it, she _has _been pretty distracted and irritable lately._

Figuring I'd try to be friendly, I asked, "Are you feeling alright?"

Lily looked up at me. "What?"

"I said, are you feel—"

"No, I heard you," Lily cut in. "I was merely wondering why you suddenly cared how I was feeling."

"I've always cared about your feelings," I replied. When she just stared at me, I winked. "I have to be able to gauge how far I can push you without provoking you to curse me into oblivion."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"So, are you?" I prodded.

"Am I what?"

"Feeling okay."

"Oh, that again." She paused, as if deciding how much to tell me. "Actually, no, not really."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She looked at me as though I'd just sprouted a second head. "No, Potter, I don't want to discuss my personal life with you, strange as that may seem," she replied tersely.

I held my hands up in surrender. "Okay, sorry, I just thought you might like a—someone to talk to."

She must have guessed what I'd been about to say, because she replied, "We're not friends, Potter."

"You were calling me James for a while."

"That does not mean I think of you as a friend. And, as you may have noticed, I've stopped doing it."

"It was nice," I added quietly, more to myself than to her.

"Remember that 'cursing you into oblivion' point you mentioned? Well, you're _about _to reach it."

"And we're back to that," I muttered.

"What?"

Knowing an explanation would only further aggravate her, I simply said, "Never mind." What I'd meant was we'd returned to the point where she unquestioningly loathed me. There had been moments during the past two weeks when I thought that maybe she didn't completely detest me, but I must have imagined it.

We walked the remaining distance to the classroom in silence. Each of us took a chair at opposite ends of the room and sat determinedly not looking at each other until the first years began to arrive. Tutoring was boring work; I couldn't believe how stupid some of them were. Okay, maybe "stupid" was an unfair word, but they were in serious trouble if they were having difficulties with the homework already. My recent fight with Lily had also made me irritable and impatient. Instead of helping the first years work through the problems, I just gave them the answers, as I'd done for Peter throughout our school career. I caught Lily frowning at me several times, and I knew I was facing a lecture after this was over, but I really couldn't make myself care. I just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible and join Peter, Sirius and Remus.

After what seemed like ages, the last first year left. As I predicted, his robes had barely cleared the doorway when Lily came storming over to me, a fiery look in her green eyes.

"How are they supposed to learn anything when you just tell them the answers?" she exploded.

"Oh come on," I protested. "It's not like this stuff is that important, really. They've barely started using magic!"

"Yes, and if they don't get the basics, they'll never be able to handle the rest!"

"Yeah right," I scoffed. "Look at Peter! He's basically hopeless, but he still manages to pass every year!"

"Because you and Sirius practically do his homework for him!"

"He still has to take the exams," I pointed out.

"Yes—well—that's not the point!" Lily shouted.

"Fine, if you care so much, why don't you tutor them all yourself?" I suggested, frustrated.

"Maybe I will," she shot back, as though this was supposed to be a big blow.

"Okay, you do that," I said, grabbing my stuff and striding out of the classroom.

_God, she is impossible! I mean, she can't seriously _enjoy_ helping first years, can she? And is she really so concerned with their academic futures that she'd be willing to tutor all of them herself?_

I reached the Great Hall and rapped smartly on the door to our pre-arranged meeting spot. Sirius and Peter appeared, and I grinned at them.

"Let's go."

I pulled out my Cloak and threw it over us. It was a tight fit, but we managed to shuffle fully covered out of the front door and across the grounds. As we reached the Whomping Willow, we removed the Cloak and stored it in some bushes near the tree.

"Ready?" Sirius asked us.

Peter and I nodded, and I turned my thoughts inward, concentrating on that part of myself that wasn't quite human. As my human form melted away, I felt myself relax—things always seemed so much simpler as an animal.

"Phoenix Feathers," I snapped at the Fat Lady, my anger at James still pulsing through me.

"No need to take that tone with me, young lady," she sniffed, swinging forward.

I ignored her and climbed through the portrait hole. Spotting Brea and Sophie in our usual seats along the wall, I strode over to them and threw myself into an armchair with a frustrated sigh.

"What's up with you?" Brea asked, somewhat apprehensively.

"James," I said simply.

"What'd he do this time?" Sophie asked resignedly.

I told them what had happened at the tutoring session.

"He's done worse," Sophie commented after I'd finished. "And he does have a point—do you even remember what we learned the first two weeks here?"

She quailed under my fierce glare.

"While we're on the subject of James . . ." Brea said, looking pointedly at Sophie.

"Really? You think I should tell her now?" Sophie said nervously.

"Tell me what?" I asked suspiciously.

"Might as well get it over with, Soph," Brea advised.

"Okay, here goes," Sophie said. She took a deep breath, then said in a rush, "I've decided to try out for the Quidditch team."

I just stared at her. "What?"

"Yeah, well, I've kind of always wanted to, and since it's my last year, I just figured, why not?"

"Are you any good?" I asked. Then I winced. "You know what I mean."

Sophie shrugged. "I guess I'll find out tomorrow. I play with my brothers a lot during the summer."

I nodded slowly, still trying to process this surprising bit of information. "So, why didn't you want to tell me that?"

"Well, James is on the team . . ."

"So? I don't have to be at practice with you." Then a thought struck me. "Wait, _he's _not the real reason you're trying out, is he?"

Sophie shifted uncomfortably. "Sort of," she mumbled.

I shook my head in disbelief. "Honestly, Sophie, sometimes I do not understand you."

"You know I've always thought he was cute," Sophie said defensively.

"That doesn't hide the fact that he's a prick," I countered.

"He's not that bad," Sophie said. "He's really smart, and funny—you're just determined to hate him."

"Not without reason," I protested.

"Whatever you say, Lils," Sophie said with a smirk.

"Fine, we'll agree to disagree, then," I said. Then, because I felt guilty for being so discouraging, I added, "I really do hope you make the team, if that's what you want. Even if I don't completely support your reasoning."

Sophie smiled. "Thanks."

The following morning after breakfast, the three of us walked down to the Quidditch pitch. Brea and I wished Sophie good luck as we reached it and went to find seats in the stands. James was already on the pitch, surrounded by several nervous-looking Gryffindors all clutching broomsticks. He glanced up into the stands and waved at us as Brea and I sat down. She waved back; I pretended not to notice him. It was harder to convince myself that this wasn't a childish reaction after Sophie's accusation last night. _Was _I being too hard on him? Maybe I had overacted a little last night.

As if she had read my thoughts, Brea said, "You know, Lil, I have to agree with Sophie. I think you're being a little tough on James. He hasn't been that horrible this year. Which you've admitted yourself, I might add."

"Yeah, but I keep going back and forth on that. It seems like every time I decide that he's changed, he does something stupid that reminds me why I hate him."

Brea shrugged. "I think you're overreacting. You can't expect perfection."

"I guess," I said slowly. I was saved the necessity of considering this possibility further by a loud whistle on the pitch. Tryouts had begun.

First, James had everyone do a couple of laps around the pitch, both to weed out the poor flyers and, I expected, to allow everyone to let off some nervous energy. Sophie had a huge grin on her face as shot past me and Brea.

"I never knew she liked flying so much," I commented. "She never really mentioned it."

"Me neither," Brea agreed.

"Do you know what position she's trying for?" I asked.

"Seeker, I think," Brea replied.

I nodded, then turned my attention back to the pitch, where everyone was once more gathered around James. He was pointing at various people and motioning them to one side. After he'd selected fourteen players, the others moved off the pitch to wait under the stands. As twelve people from the first group took to the air, I realized James had put together two mock teams. Seconds later he released the Quaffle and one Bludger, and the "game" began.

James watched from the ground for a while, then motioned for the remaining two players from the first group—_they must be trying out for Seeker_—to join the others. He mounted his broom as well and hovered slightly above the game, his back to Brea and me. After a few minutes, I saw him put his hand behind his back and casually open it, releasing the Snitch. He continued to fly around the pitch, watching the players with a concentrated look on his face. Every so often he would blow his whistle to pause the game and switch out a player or two. The first two potential Seekers played until one had caught the Snitch twice—James sent the other to the ground and called Sophie in. I immediately concentrated my attention on her. She glided around the pitch, scanning around for the Snitch and dodging Bludgers and other players with ease. When she had beaten the other Seeker twice as well, James blew his whistle and motioned all those currently in the air to land.

After talking to them all for a few minutes, I saw several people head back towards the castle or into the stands. To my dismay, Sophie was among them.

"Uh oh," Brea said, noticing this as well.

To my surprise, however, Sophie was smiling as she made her way down our row.

"I made it!" she announced as soon as she sat down.

"What? Wow, congratulations!" I said.

"I thought that you coming up here meant you hadn't," Brea added.

"Nope—there were only three people trying for Seeker, so it didn't take as long. We still need a Chaser, a Beater, and a Keeper."

"Wow, I didn't realize our team lost so many players last year," Brea said.

I turned my attention back to the pitch and noticed that several people were coming down from the stands to join James. I recognized the current members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. _He must want to see how the potential players fit in with the current ones. _Sure enough, this time one of the mock teams included all of the Gryffindor players. Once again, James took to the air, observing and occasionally switching out players. Reluctant as I was to admit it, I was impressed that he could pay attention to everyone at once while at the same time judging who was and wasn't a good fit for the team. _He has to know exactly what he's looking for,_ I realized.

Less than twenty minutes later, the remaining open positions were filled, and Sophie hurried excitedly from the stands to congratulate and meet them all. Brea and I followed at a slower pace.

"I was surprised how fast that went," Brea commented as we walked. "It's kind of amazing that James can watch everyone and at the same time be able to choose exactly who he wants for the team."

I smiled slightly at the echo of my earlier thoughts. "I guess that's why he's the captain," I said.

**Chapter 7: Confrontations**

Wednesday evening marked the first time that something of import actually happened during my rounds of the castle. Of course, it wasn't the type of occurrence I'd expected to encounter in my duties, but at least it was a break in the monotonous grind the work usually had.

I was walking along the fourth floor corridor when Snape emerged out of one of the unused classrooms to my left. He stopped abruptly upon seeing me, a guilty look on his face. I raised my eyebrows, wondering what he was up to.

"All right, Snivellus?" I said in a falsely cheery tone.

He just glared at me. "What do you care?"

"Oh, believe me, I don't," I assured him. "It's just, you had a suspicious look about you, and I was simply curious as to what you were up to."

"Like I'd tell you," Snape replied scathingly. "It's none of your business."

"Actually, I think you'll find that it is," I corrected him. "As Head Boy, I am obligated to report any suspicious activity."

"I doubt your suspicions would have much sway with Dumbledore," Snape replied. "And besides, it's innocent until proven guilty, isn't it Potter?"

"Oh, I don't think I'd have to work too hard to find incriminating evidence about you, Snivellus." I said this somewhat on a whim; I knew full well who he hung around with and had heard many unpleasant rumors concerning that group.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, flushing slightly.

_Struck a nerve, have I? _"I think you know exactly what I mean. Tell me, how are Mulciber and Avery these days?"

Snape's eyes narrowed. "You better watch what you're accusing me of, Potter."

I raised an eyebrow. "I never said I was accusing you of anything. Not that I don't have my pick of accusations . . ." My eyes flicked to his left forearm.

Noting the direction of my gaze, Snape's eyes widened. "It was you! You've been talking to Lily, haven't you?" he accused.

I frowned. "Well, obviously, but I don't see what that has to—"

"Just stay away from her, all right!"

I was confused; I felt that I'd suddenly lost the thread of the conversation. "Okay, not sure I can really promise that, seeing as how she's Head Girl, but—"

Snape suddenly whipped out his wand and pointed it threateningly at me. (Not sure how you point a wand _non_-threateningly at someone, but you know).

"Hey!" I yelled, hastily pulling out my own wand. "What the hell is your problem?"

Snape didn't answer, just raised his wand higher. We stood with our wands trained on each other for several tense seconds. Snape was visibly shaking with anger, and I was still trying to work out why. Beyond the obvious fact that he hated me with every fiber of his being, which I guess could be cause enough to want to curse me for no reason. I'd admittedly done the same to him on numerous occasions. However, the murderous look in his eyes was _slightly _disconcerting.

Finally, Snape lowered his wand. After a couple of seconds, I followed suit.

"You better watch yourself, Potter," he whispered menacingly.

"Like you could do anything to me," I scoffed. I knew it probably wasn't smart to provoke him, but I couldn't help it.

I thought I'd gotten away with it when he merely snarled at me, but as I began to turn away, he suddenly raised his wand again.

"_Sectumsempra!_" he shouted, and I felt a gash open across my cheek.

I immediately whipped around and yelled, "_Petrificus totalus!_"

Snape's limbs snapped together and he keeled over, hitting the floor with a satisfying _thud_. I walked over and glared down at him, incensed. "Never try that again," I said furiously. "Enjoy waiting for someone to find you."

I left him lying frozen on the floor and stormed away. Mad as I was at Snape, I was also angry with myself for letting my guard down. _Stupid, _I berated myself, pressing a hand to the freely bleeding cut on my face. _You're lucky he didn't intend to do greater damage. _In fact, I wondered why he hadn't. _Probably didn't want to risk getting caught. And what was all that stuff about Lily? _I wondered if I could ask her about it without getting another slash to the face. _Doubtful_, I decided.

Upon entering the Gryffindor common room, I received several surprised stares. I ignored them and made my way over to Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Peter yelped in shock when he caught sight of my face, Sirius let out a low whistle, and Remus just shook his head.

"Here, let me fix that," he said, pulling out his wand. I sat in the empty chair beside him and lowered my hand from my face. Remus muttered "_Episkey_" and I felt my skin close around the wound. I thanked him and turned to face the others.

"Jesus, James, what happened?" Sirius asked.

I told them about my encounter with Snape.

"Git," Sirius said darkly when I'd finished.

"You could have just given him detention, you know," Remus said mildly.

I hadn't thought of that.

"No, this is much better," Sirius said fervently.

"How long d'you think it'll take for someone to find him?" Peter asked, a worried note in his voice. I assumed it was concern for the potential consequences for me and not about Snape's safety.

"Who cares?" Sirius said.

"It's right by our Charms classroom, so I doubt he'll be there long," I reasoned. "Though if we're lucky, he'll be there at least the rest of the night."

After a long night in the library, I was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I was so focused on my dormitory and my warm, comfortable bed that I almost didn't see the body lying on the floor near the empty Charms classroom. As it was, the sight nearly gave me a heart attack, and it was a few seconds before I realized that it was _not _a corpse, but the petrified body of Severus Snape.

My heart still pounding, I hurriedly pulled out my wand and muttered the countercurse. Severus immediately leaped to his feet, anger contorting his features. Before I could ask if he was okay or find out what had happened, he rounded on me.

"It was him, wasn't it?"

Completely thrown off, I just stared at him in confusion for a few seconds. "Who was what?" I finally asked.

"Potter!" he yelled impatiently. "He was the one who gave you the idea that I'm—that I might be . . ."

Catching on, I snorted incredulously. "Of course he wasn't!"

"Oh," Severus said quietly, a dull flush rising in his sallow cheeks.

"What gave you that idea?" I pressed.

Severus shrugged. "I just figured that you two were . . . I don't know . . . friends or something," he mumbled.

I actually laughed at this. "No, far from it," I assured him.

"So, you still hate him," Severus said, a note of hope in his voice.

"Yes," I said emphatically. Suddenly, things almost felt back to normal between us.

However, Severus continued, "But we're not friends either." It wasn't a question.

I considered him for a long moment before slowly shaking my head. Instead of looking hurt or disappointed, Severus merely looked resigned. "Right, well, thanks for unfreezing me," he said sullenly before turning away.

I watched him until he'd turned the corner at the end of the corridor. Then I began to make my own way back to Gryffindor tower. _Maybe I should give him another chance. _I let out a long sigh. As I thought back over our conversation, a surprising and somewhat disturbing thought struck me: _I don't hate James. _Despite my quick response to Severus's question, and despite what I'd said to Brea on Saturday, when I actually thought about it, I realized that I no longer completely despised him. I didn't like him, by any means, but I had to admit that Brea was right—he _had _been less obnoxious this year. I smiled wryly; two years ago I'd never have expected to find myself estranged from Severus and considering James a decent person. However, it was nice to finally come to some sort of conclusion after waffling back and forth about James for the past two and a half weeks.

I entered the mostly empty common room and spotted Brea in an armchair by the fire, finishing up tomorrow's Transfiguration homework.

I plopped down in the chair next to her, and announced without preamble, "I don't hate James."

Brea glanced up. "Okay, glad we got that straightened out," she said, raising her eyebrows.

I smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I've just been thinking about it, and I realized that you're right—he's different this year. In a good way."

"You said it first."

"Yeah, I know, but it took me a while to actually come to the conclusion that I didn't hate him."

Brea grinned at me knowingly.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "I never said I liked him."

"Sure, sure," she said. (haha, Jacob)

I walked into Transfiguration the next morning and was surprised to see James and his friends already there. _Early for once—that's new,_ I thought as I made my way to an empty seat near James. He smiled hesitantly at me as I drew closer, as though offering an apology for Friday night. I nodded back at him, and was about to turn away and take my seat when I noticed the partially healed cut tracing a line across his cheek from ear to nose.

"What happened to your face?" I blurted out, blushing slightly when I realized how weird that sounded.

James didn't seem to notice my odd phrasing. On the contrary, he suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Er—I had a little run-in with Sniv—Snape," he mumbled, grimacing slightly.

_I should have known_, I thought ruefully, realizing that I'd never asked Severus who'd put the _Petrificus totalus _on him. "And you retaliated by leaving him lying immobile on the floor," I replied coolly.

James rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. "Er, yeah, that pretty much sums it up. In my defense, he attacked first."

"Yes, I'd worked that much out," I answered. "It's kind of difficult to wield a wand when you've been petrified."

"Before you get the wrong idea, you should know that he attacked me when my back was turned," James continued.

"Well now you know how it feels," I answered acerbically.

Instead of retaliating, James just nodded. "Right, I guess I deserved that."

Suddenly, I felt bad for snapping at him. After all, hadn't I just determined not to hate him? And it wasn't like Severus and I were friends anymore, why should I be defending him?

"So, what happened?" I asked more calmly, wondering if he'd actually tell me.

But he did. As I listened to his explanation, I was surprised and oddly reassured to learn that he had similar suspicions about Severus's loyalties.

"Sorry," I said when he'd finished.

"For what?"

"For the misunderstanding—it wasn't fair for you to get caught up in that," I said.

"Er—s'okay," James said, seeming taken aback by my apology. I had to admit that I was a little surprised at myself as well.

"I just thought that—"

I was interrupted by McGonagall's stern voice from the front of the room. "Miss Evans, is there something you would like to share with the class, or may I begin today's lesson?"

I hadn't even heard her enter the room. I turned quickly in my seat and realized that everyone was staring at me. Blushing, I mumbled an apology, and McGonagall continued. Glancing back at James, I saw that he was shaking his head seriously and wagging an admonishing finger at me. "Shut up," I hissed before turning my attention to McGonagall's lecture.

**Chapter 8: New Directions**

Friday night rolled around once more and at fifteen minutes to eight I reluctantly left the common room and made my way to the Transfiguration classroom. When I arrived, I found Lily already there, head bent over a piece of parchment and Defense Against the Dark Arts book open beside her. She looked up as I entered and raised her eyebrows.

"I thought you were going to let me do all the tutoring," she said mildly.

Pretending to be affronted, I replied, "How could you think me capable of such a cruel thing?"

Lily rolled her eyes, but there was a smile playing about her lips. She didn't answer as she returned to her homework.

Craning my neck, I saw she was working on tomorrow's essay. "You haven't finished that yet?" I asked, clucking my tongue in a mockingly reproachful way.

Lily looked up, a slight frown between her brows. She considered me for a moment, and I braced myself for an outburst. But when she answered, it was in a calm and uncritical tone.

"You've never had to try for anything in your life, have you?" she asked, sounding more curious than spiteful.

Not sure how to answer, I merely shrugged.

She went on. "I mean, you're captain of the Quidditch team, handsome, charming, and smart—everything we learn in classes comes easily to you."

I grinned mischievously at her. "You think I'm handsome?"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "That's what you took from that?"

"You're avoiding my question."

"So are you," she replied.

"Fine. I've never really thought about it, but I suppose you have a point. Though I'm not sure you know me well enough to actually make that judgment. I can think of at least one counterexample to your argument."

"What?"

"Nope, only one question at a time," I said. _Especially because the counterexample is you,_ I added silently. "Now it's your turn."

"Come on, James,"—I registered the renewed use of my first name with satisfaction—"you know every girl at this school thinks you're good-looking."

"Ah, but we're not talking about those girls," I pressed, enjoying this far more than I probably should.

A slight blush rose in Lily's cheeks, but to her credit, she looked me in the eyes as she answered. "Okay, okay, yes, I do think you're handsome," she said in a rush. "Happy?"

I beamed at her. "Yes."

"Don't let it go to your already inflated head," she muttered as she returned to her homework.

"Ooh, too late for that," I said, regretfully.

Lily snorted derisively.

Needless to say, our conversation put me in a much better mood for tutoring than the previous week. I made sure to give the first years a chance to work out problems before I helped them. After the last first year left and we were packing up our stuff, I glanced at Lily. "So, did I pass that time?"

She smiled slightly. "Yes, much better." Swinging her bag over her shoulder, she continued, "Thanks for coming—I appreciate it."

"Well, it's part of my duties, isn't it?" I replied matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, but that hasn't really guaranteed much from you in the past, has it?" Lily quipped as we left the classroom.

"Er—no, I guess not," I admitted. I glanced sideways at her. "You know, for someone who doesn't hate me, you sure are sticking it to me tonight."

Lily looked at me, her green eyes wide with surprise. "Who told you that?"

"Oh, I have my sources," I replied with a wicked grin. In fact, Sophie had announced it to me at Quidditch practice the previous evening. Since I'd let her onto the team, she'd told me all sorts of things about Lily that I'd never have figured out otherwise. And I wasn't going to object—I needed all the help I could get.

"Sophie," Lily muttered. "I'm going to kill her."

"Hmm, I'd rather you didn't. She's an excellent Seeker."

"I'll try and restrain myself, then," she replied dryly.

"That's very kind of you."

We had reached the Fat Lady's portrait. "_Licorice Wands_," I said, and she swung forward to admit us.

I entered the common room and marched straight up to Sophie.

"So, you and James are fairly chatty now, are you?" I asked without preamble.

Sophie gulped. "Hey," she said brightly. "How was tutoring?"

"Sophie," I said warningly.

She sighed. "All right, I'm sorry—I didn't think he'd bring it up with you. I just thought he deserved to know, since you'd hated him for so long. I mean, it was momentous news," she finished with a winning smile.

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "So, that's it?" I asked skeptically. "No ulterior motives?"

"Whatever could you mean, Lil?" she asked innocently.

"Right," I muttered. I looked at Brea for support, but I didn't trust the way she was smiling at me.

"Listen, you two," I said pointedly, "just because I don't resent the thought of being in his presence anymore doesn't mean we're getting married or anything!"

"Whatever you say," they chorused together.

October brought with it a new crispness in the air. The leaves began to change—fiery oranges, bright reds, and brilliant yellows. It was my favorite part of the year. It was also the start of the Quidditch season; Gryffindor's first game was against Hufflepuff on the last Saturday of the month. When Brea and I came down for breakfast, we found Sophie already there along with the rest of the team. She looked nervous but excited. A few minutes after we sat down, James stood up.

"Okay, team, let's go," he said.

"Good luck, Soph!" I called.

"You'll do great!" Brea added.

She flashed a grin at us before following her teammates out of the Great Hall to general applause and cheers from the Gryffindor table.

As eleven o'clock approached, people began heading down to the Quidditch pitch in droves. Once everyone had taken their seats in the magically raised stands, the two teams entered the pitch to tumultuous applause. James shook hands with Joseph Albin, the Hufflepuff captain. The fourteen players mounted their broomsticks and at the sound of Madame Hooch's whistle, they kicked off from the ground.

I'd never been too into Quidditch, but having a friend on the team greatly increased my engagement in the game. However, it wasn't too exciting to watch Sophie, because she spent the majority of the game hovering above the other players, flying slowly back and forth searching for the Snitch. I soon turned my attention to the rest of the team.

"—Potter's first test of his new players," commentator Christopher Beck was saying. "He's had to replace four members this year—time will tell whether he's made the right decisions. Speaking of Potter, he's got the Quaffle and is streaking toward the Hufflepuff goal. It looks like he's—NO, he passes to Pritchard, who shoots . . . GOAL! Ten points to Gryffindor!"

Cheering along with my fellow Gryffindors, I saw James high-five the girl who'd scored. Then they were off again, red blurs darting across the field of play. I'd never really appreciated before how much skill it took to be a Chaser. There were so many things to pay attention to—beyond passing and shooting the Quaffle, they had to dodge Bludgers and opposing players, all while keeping track of each other.

Twenty minutes into the game, Gryffindor had scored three more times, and Hufflepuff had scored once. However, I knew enough about Quidditch to know it was still anyone's game. Most games came down to the Seeker, putting Sophie in a position I wouldn't want. But she seemed to be keeping her cool, concentrating unwaveringly on the task of finding the Snitch. Suddenly, Brea gasped beside me.

"What?" I asked.

"Look!" she screamed in a panic, pointing to Hufflepuff's Seeker. He was streaking towards the ground; clearly, he'd spotted the Snitch.

My stomach dropped and I quickly scanned the sky for Sophie. She was several feet below the Hufflepuff Seeker, and was zooming toward the Snitch from the side.

"Go Sophie, come on!" I whispered, crossing all of my fingers, and my toes too, just in case.

But I needn't have worried. Sophie reached the Snitch seconds before the other team's Seeker and rose into the air, clutching it triumphantly in her fist. Moments later, the rest of her teammates had converged on her—their hugging, cheering mass drifted slowly towards the ground.

Brea and I pushed through the crowds and onto the field.

"We won!" Sophie screamed as soon as she saw us.

"Yeah, we know; we were there," I replied, laughing as I hugged her.

James bounded over and hugged Sophie tightly. Releasing her, he pointed at her and said, "You are my new favorite person."

Sirius, who'd just joined us to congratulate James, gasped and dramatically pressed a hand to his heart. "I'm crushed!"

James laughed and embraced his friend. "Aw, Padfoot, you know I'm joking!" Over Sirius's shoulder, he shook his head at Sophie and winked. She giggled.

I rolled my eyes. James noticed and grinned at me. "And of course we would be nothing without our adoring fans."

"Right, because I came just to see you," I said sarcastically.

"Really? You shouldn't have," James said.

Choosing not to reply, I turned to Brea and Sophie. "Come on, I'm sure there's going to be a party in the common room."

**Chapter 9: Bend 'Em Til They Break**

"All right, everyone, I want a two-foot essay on the difference between ghosts and Inferi and the best way to defend yourself against the latter, due Friday."

Loud groans greeted Professor Reichert's words. We'd already gotten two essays from Professor McGonagall, two Potions to look up for Professor Slughorn, and nonverbal Shield Charms to practice for Flitwick.

"I know, I know," Reichert said understandingly. "But it's N.E.W.T. year, guys, what did you expect?"

"Easy for him to say, _he _doesn't have to do the work," Sirius muttered as we packed our bags.

I had Quidditch practice in the afternoon, which meant I wasn't able to start on homework until after dinner. Knowing I'd be too distracted in the common room, I decided to go somewhere I rarely ventured: the library.

"See you," I said glumly to Sirius, Remus, and Peter as we parted ways at the top of the stairs. They were all going to the common room to work. Remus said being friends with Sirius and I had trained him to ignore any distraction; Peter was waiting until one of us was finished and could help him; and Sirius was, well, Sirius—he wouldn't start anything more than a day before it was due.

I found an empty table and dropped my bag on it with a sigh. Looking around, I noticed Lily sitting a few tables over. She looked a little frazzled, and I wondered whether interrupting her studying would reverse her decision not to hate me. _Ah, what the hell,_ I finally decided, picking up my bag again. _It's not like she's really moved that far past the hating stage, anyway._

"Hello, my lily flower," I said gallantly as I slid into a seat across from her.

Lily looked up. "Normally, I would just roll my eyes at such a greeting and ignore you, but right now I'd prefer it if you just . . . didn't talk to me." She turned back to her homework.

"Okay, I can do that," I said agreeably. I watched her scribble furiously for a while. "Can I just point something out?" Lily didn't answer, so I continued, "You seem stressed."

"How perceptive of you," she muttered without looking up.

"Right, well I was wondering if you wanted to split up the homework and then swap answers. I know copying probably isn't really something you condone, but it'd just be this once. And I've done it loads of times without getting caught, so. . . ."

Lily put down her quill again. "Actually, what I _would _like is to not have to do rounds tonight so I could work on all this," she gestured to the books and parchment spread around her.

"So don't," I suggested.

"Don't what?"

"Don't go on rounds," I said.

Lily snorted. "Yeah, right."

"I'm serious! Who'd even know?"

Lily considered me for a moment. Then she shook her head. "I can't."

"Why not? Haven't you ever broken the rules before?"

She reddened slightly and didn't answer.

"Wait, no, seriously?" I said incredulously. "Not one, in all the years we've been here?"

"No," she answered stiffly. "Which is nothing to be ashamed of."

"Well, it kind of is," I said, smiling. "And by saying that, I think you _are_ a little ashamed of it." She didn't answer. "That settles it, then," I continued. "You're definitely skipping rounds tonight."

"If it will make you shut up, fine, I'll skip them," Lily said after a long pause. "They're pointless anyway," she muttered as an afterthought.

"You think so too?" I asked, pleased. "Good, because I thought I—"

Lily held up a hand to silence me. "Remember what I said when you first sat down?"

"Oh," I said, and mimed zipping my lips together before reaching for my books.

We worked in silence for the rest of the evening. I was surprised at how much I could get done if I actually worked at it. _Maybe I should do this library thing more often,_ I mused as we were packing up our bags. As we turned out of the library, we found ourselves face to face with Professor McGonagall.

"Uh oh," I muttered.

"Mr. Potter, Miss Evans, isn't one of you supposed to be on rounds of the castle right now?" she asked, fixing us with a severe stare.

"Er, yes, I am," Lily admitted, blushing.

"And?" McGonagall demanded.

"Well, I had a lot of homework, and I just thought, maybe this once. . . ." Lily trailed off, quailing under McGonagall's deepening frown.

"Rounds are part of your duties for a reason, Miss Evans, and if you are unprepared to handle them—"

Deciding it wouldn't be fair for Lily to take the fall for something that I'd pressured her to do, I cut in. "Actually, Professor, it was—"

Lily stepped on my foot to silence me. "I'm sorry, Professor," she said shamefacedly. "It won't happen again."

McGonagall regarded her sternly for a moment. "See that it doesn't," she said, before continuing past us down the corridor.

Lily rounded on me, and I did my best to keep a straight face. I must not quite have succeeded, however, because Lily said, "Amused, are you?"

"Hey, I tried to take the credit, but you didn't let me. Besides, you didn't even get detention. Or any punishment, for that matter."

"Yes, but it was still embarrassing!" she protested. "But I'm mostly mad at myself for going along with your stupid suggestion."

"You got your homework done, though," I pointed out.

"True," she admitted grudgingly.

"We'll just have to make sure that next time we actually do something fun while breaking the rules—it's much more exciting that way." (I can think of a few fun things they could do . . . *wiggles eyebrows suggestively*)

"Oh, I don't think there's going to be a next time."

"Really? We'll see about that, Miss Evans."

After my embarrassing encounter with Professor McGonagall on Wednesday, I made sure I started rounds early on Friday. It started off just as boring as any other time—the corridors were empty and no sounds came from any of the classrooms that might indicate troublemaking. As I reached the Charms corridor, I thought absently of the time I'd come across Severus's prone and immobile body there. A small frown creased my brow; come to think of it, I hadn't seen him in a while—he'd been absent from classes for the past week. Normally, this would have raised my concern, but now I thought of it as a welcome break from our stiff and awkward encounters. Still, it was odd.

I was so engrossed in developing theories to explain Severus's absence that I almost didn't hear the low voices issuing from the empty room across from our Charms classroom. I had walked past the room by the time they registered, and had to double back to press my ear to the door.

"—he wants us to do?" one of the voices was saying; I recognized the speaker as Avery, one of Severus's Slytherin friends.

"Nothing, for now," Severus himself answered. "We're at the bottom of the ranking order, remember?"

"But why do we have to wait for his orders?" a third, gravely voice asked. _Mulciber,_ I thought with a shudder. He'd always given me the creeps. "It wouldn't be too hard to organize something ourselves."

"No!" Severus said sharply. "It's too dangerous with Dumbledore around. Besides, when you work for the Dark Lord, it is never wise to try anything without his approval."

My breath caught in my throat and I backed slowly away from the door, staring at it in shock. Suddenly, I didn't want to hear any more. In fact, I didn't want to be anywhere near the room at all. I turned and bolted down the corridor, ducked through a tapestry into the hidden staircase behind it, climbed two flights of stairs and emerged in a deserted corridor. I burst into the nearest classroom, slamming the door behind me. I leaned against the wall, my breath coming in gasps and tears stinging the back of my eyes.

I had seen this coming, so why did it hurt so much to find out it'd actually happened? _I guess because I've been holding on to the hope, however small, that it _wouldn't _happen._ Though we hadn't been friends for over a year, I felt a sense of betrayal. But the tears rolling hotly down my cheeks were tears of anger, not sadness. I was angry at Severus, for being capable of such an act, and angry at myself, for believing he could change. Hadn't everyone always wondered how I could possibly be friends with him? I'd convinced myself that they were wrong, prejudiced against him because he was in Slytherin. But in the end, I had been the mistaken one.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Letting it out in a _whoosh_, I slid down the wall to sit at its base, hugging my knees to my chest and resting my chin on my arms. The sound of the door handle turning caused me to raise my head. I hastily wiped the tears from my face as James poked his head hesitantly into the room.

"You okay?" he asked. Catching sight of my red face and puffy eyes, he frowned and the rest of his body followed his head into the room. "I mean, obviously, you're not, but . . ." he trailed off awkwardly.

I sniffed loudly, unsure how much to tell him, unsure whether I even wanted him here. He reached into his pocket and silently handed me a tissue. I murmured my thanks and blew my nose. James held out the trash can that had been sitting by the door, and I threw the used tissue into it.

James opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again and said, "I'll—er—go, then, shall I?"

"No," I was surprised to hear myself say, "you can stay."

James shut the door and sat down beside me. He glanced at me, then quickly away, staring instead at his hands. After a few moments of silence, I abruptly announced, "Severus is a Death Eater."

James looked at me again, but didn't say anything. Nor did he seem surprised, which I'd expected. I told him what I'd witnessed moments earlier outside of the unused classroom. "I know you probably saw this coming, and so did I, but it still hurts. More than I expected, actually." Then I remembered who I was talking to. "I guess that probably seems weird to you."

James shook his head. "I've never understood why you were friends with him in the first place," he paused, as though waiting for me to explain. I wasn't about to, however, and he continued after a few seconds, "but I can imagine how I'd feel if I found out Remus, Sirius, or Peter were—had done that."

"I'm more angry than anything, but the thing is, the person I'm really angry at is myself. What kind of person is friends with someone like that? I mean, he wasn't like that at the beginning, but I still feel like I completely misjudged his character, you know?"

But James was shaking his head again. "No, that's not fair. He was stupid enough to lose your friendship and join You-Know-Who." I shivered slightly; the magnitude of what Severus had done still hadn't completely sunk in. "There's no reason you should feel like any of this is your fault, or reflects some sort of failure on your part."

I stared at him, surprised. Nodding slowly, I said, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Of course I am," James replied with a lopsided grin.

I smiled back, feeling slightly better. Then a thought occurred to me. "How did you know I was here?" I asked, frowning.

"I—er—saw you run in here."

"Huh. I don't remember seeing anyone else in the corridor." _Though I wasn't exactly paying attention to where I was,_ I added silently.

James looked away, seeming uneasy all of the sudden, and I wondered if there was something he wasn't telling me. After a few seconds, he cleared his throat. "Yeah, well, you probably didn't see me because I was, um, invisible."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Sorry?"

Instead of answering, he stood and pulled something from beneath his robes. It looked like a cloak of some kind, made of a watery material unlike any I'd ever seen. Before I could get a closer look, James whirled the cloak over himself . . . and he and the cloak abruptly disappeared. My mouth fell open, and James's head reappeared, a grin stretching across his face. He pulled the cloak off the rest of the way and sat down beside me once more. "It's an Invisibility Cloak," he explained unnecessarily. "My father gave it to me for my thirteenth birthday—apparently it's been in our family for ages. It's bloody useful, if you want to make a quick get-away, or spy on someone, or—"

"—sneak around the school after-hours," I added, catching on, "or pull pranks on people." Suddenly, I remembered an incident in my fourth year involving water balloons filled with paint that rained down from the top of the Entrance Hall staircase, with no apparent human source. I recounted the episode to James. "That was you, wasn't it?"

He frowned slightly. "Yeah, but how do you remember that? It was ages ago."

"I never was able to get the red out of my robes," I said by way of answering, and watched as understanding dawned on James's face.

"Right. Sorry about that." But his eyes flashed mischievously. "I'll let you throw them next time, to make up for it."

"I'll pass. So, what exactly were you doing wandering invisibly around the castle?"

James looked uncomfortable. "I can't really say. Trust me, I would if I could, because it _does _seem a bit strange otherwise. But an explanation would involve sharing something that's not mine to share," he finished cryptically.

I shrugged, glancing at my watch—I'd been neglecting my Head Girl duties for half an hour. "I have to get back to rounds," I said reluctantly, but made no move to raise myself from the floor.

James noticed my hesitation. "I could finish them for you, if you want. Or you could borrow the cloak. It makes them more fun." He proffered the silvery cloth.

I eyed it curiously. "Could I? It'd be nice not to run into—you know."

"Sure," James said. "But I know where you live if you decide to steal it, and I _will _find you," he added with mock solemnity.

"Not if I stay under it," I challenged, getting to my feet.

James rose as well, but continued to look sternly at me.

"All right, I promise to return it in the exact condition in which it was borrowed," I said.

James held out his hand, and we shook on it. He kept his hand wrapped around mine slightly longer than was necessary, quickly dropping it when I looked questioningly at our clasped hands. He cleared his throat, his cheeks slightly red, and handed me the cloak. I threw it over myself, enjoying the feel of the cool, smooth cloth against my skin. James held the door open for me, and I brushed past him, already reveling in the feeling of freedom invisibility offered.

**Chapter 10: Uncertainty**

I listened to Lily's retreating footsteps as she walked away from me. "Remember, people can still hear you when you're under there," I cautioned.

"Right, thanks," her disembodied voice answered.

When I could no longer hear the slap of her feet against the flagstones, I let out a long sigh and turned back up the corridor. Why hadn't I just let go of her hand right away like a normal person? It had just felt so right inside mine. . . . _Okay, stop,_ I reprimanded myself. _You're just lucky she didn't seem too weirded out by it. And we _did _make some progress. Big progress, actually. _I smiled wryly. _Guess I owe Snivellus one._ Thinking about what he'd done, though, the smile slipped slowly from my face, to be replaced by a slight frown. Though I hadn't admitted it to Lily, the news of him becoming a Death Eater had shocked me a little. As much as I'd like to think I'd been prepared for it, it was still hard to wrap my head around the disturbing idea. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. _Should I tell Dumbledore or someone? I mean, we don't have solid proof or anything, but I'm not sure there's really any other way to interpret the conversation Lily overheard. On the other hand, it didn't seem like they were planning anything, either. And what's Dumbledore going to do anyway? Kick them out of school? That'd just give them more free time to do You-Know-Who's bidding. It'll be easier to keep an eye on them here. _And that was exactly what I resolved to do.

Preoccupied with my new resolution, it took me a minute to remember where I'd been heading when I'd detoured to check on Lily. My feet hadn't forgotten, however, and I was nearly to the abandoned classroom in the Entrance Hall before I realized my mistake. I had been on my way to meet Sirius and Peter—tonight was a full moon. And we usually snuck out of the castle under the Invisibility Cloak. Which I'd just turned over to Lily. Shit.

With a sigh, I knocked on the door. Peter opened it, Sirius right behind him; both looked at me expectantly.

"Hey guys," I greeted them. "I—er—forgot the cloak," I lied, not wanting to explain everything right then.

"What?" Sirius said, sounding more surprised than angry. "You've never forgotten it."

"I know—guess there's a first time for everything, right?" I joked, trying to play it off like it was no big deal.

Sirius looked over my shoulder. "Well, no one's in the Hall, and it's dark out, so I think we should be okay."

I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. Peter looked nervous—not really strange, for him—but we made it safely out of the front doors and started towards the Whomping Willow. I felt oddly exposed without the cloak, and noticed that Peter and Sirius kept glancing around, more alert than usual. I relaxed only once I'd assumed my Animagus form, despite the fact that a bright white stag stood out like a beacon in the gathering darkness.

Lily came up to me in the common room after breakfast the next morning to return the Cloak. Sirius's eyes widened as she handed it to me and I hastily stashed it in my bag.

"She knows—you let her—" he spluttered.

Lily looked at him in confusion.

"Calm down, Padfoot," I said derisively before turning to Lily. "Er, the Cloak's kind of a secret; at the very least, it might incriminate me and my friends"—Sirius nodded emphatically—"for . . . some things, if the wrong people found out about it. So if you could, you know, not tell anyone about it, that'd be great."

Lily gave me a slightly exasperated look, but nodded. Then she shifted uncomfortably. "And, er, thanks for last night."

Sirius snorted with laughter and Remus's lips twitched. Lily turned a violent shade of red and hastily added, "I didn't—you know what I meant."

I aimed a kick at Sirius, at the same time struggling not to laugh myself. "Yes, I did." I looked at my friends—Sirius was now shaking with laughter, and Remus had ducked his head to hide his grin. I turned back to Lily with a grimace. "Just ignore them."

Still red, she muttered, "See you later," and hurried away.

"So, how _was _last night?" Sirius asked, winking at me.

I thought for a second. "Interesting," I decided.

Sirius raised his eyebrows; Remus frowned. "How so?" he asked.

I told them the high points of Lily's and my conversation—namely, the fact that Severus Snape was now a Death Eater. Neither of them seemed surprised by the information either.

"Bastard," Sirius said darkly once I'd finished.

Remus's frown had deepened. "Shouldn't we, you know, tell someone? I mean, this is serious."

"Yeah, I thought about that, but . . ." I told them the conclusion I'd come to.

"I suppose . . ." Remus said when I'd finished, sounding unsure.

"Come on, Moony, why would You-Know-Who have _them _do anything when he's already got a bunch of much more talented wizards on his side?" Sirius said. "And it sounds like they're not going to try anything on their own with Dumbledore here."

"I guess you're right," Remus conceded.

"And we've got the Map," I reminded him in a low voice. "I'd bet that's a better surveillance tool than anything Dumbledore could come up with."

"Yeah, I'd like to see Snivellus get around that," Sirius said, an evil grin spreading across his face.

Over the next week, we took turns watching Snape on the Marauder's Map. After filling Peter in, he agreed to help us, albeit reluctantly. Then again, he was always reluctant when it came to doing anything the least bit dangerous or against the rules. We quickly realized that although we could watch Snape around the clock (unless we were in class—which wasn't a problem, since we had all our classes with him), we couldn't actually tell what he was doing or saying to those he was with. He spent a lot of time with Mulciber and Avery, which wasn't in itself unusual; it all depended on what they were doing together. However, they spent most of their free time in the Slytherin common room, again suggesting they were, as Snape had demanded, doing nothing "Death Eater-ish" in nature. Nevertheless, I took to bringing the Map with me and wearing my Invisibility Cloak on rounds.

Thursday night, I was walking while trying to locate Snape on the Map. After nearly running into a suit of armor, a wall, and an open door, I collided with an actual person. There were few people I'd want to run into while wearing the cloak; luckily for me, this was one of them: Lily.

She fell to the ground with a yell of surprise. I watched her look up at the apparently solid wall of air she'd just run into with confusion that slowly changed to comprehension. "James?" she asked tentatively.

"How'd you know?" I asked, pulling off the cloak and grinning at her.

"Lucky guess," she replied dryly.

I offered her my hand to help her to her feet. This time I made a point of releasing it as soon as she had regained her balance. "Sorry about that. I wasn't watching where I was going. Never a good idea, but especially not with this thing on." I gestured to the cloak.

"Why were you under there, anyway?"

I rubbed a hand down the back of my neck, not sure how she'd take my decision to follow Snape. "I've—er—been keeping an eye on Sniv—Snape ever since—"

"What?" Lily interrupted. "You've been spying on him?"

"Just during rounds. Er, mostly anyway. I thought it was a good idea, you know, in case he's planning anything."

"It didn't sound like it."

"I know, but my friends and I agreed—"

"You told them?!" When I nodded reluctantly, Lily threw up her hands in frustration. "James, I told you that in confidence!"  
"You never said that," I argued feebly.

"I didn't think you'd go blabbing about it to just anyone!"

"It wasn't "just anyone"; they're my best friends!" I replied defensively.

"I don't care! I haven't even told _my _friends."

My eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Why not?"

"Because, I didn't want people involved in this. And from now on, that includes you!"

I couldn't really explain why I had gotten so mad at James for telling his friends about Severus. It's not like I felt bound to keep his secrets anymore, and especially not one as horrible as this. And it would likely cease to be a secret in the near future. _I suppose I just want to put off that moment as long as possible._ Again, I wasn't sure why, but I had a bad feeling about Severus's Death Eater status becoming public knowledge. Maybe it was because it might cause a mass panic. Or if he found out that people knew, he might try something drastic and terrible, because he was no longer trying to hide. But if I was being honest with myself, it was because I hoped it might all go away if I just ignored it.

I laughed shortly at this foolish and childish belief. It also made me realize that I wasn't mad at James for telling his friends. In fact, I wasn't really mad at him at all. I simply hadn't wanted to hear what he had to say, because it centered around the topic I'd been studiously avoiding for the past few weeks. I'd reacted with anger because . . . well, because that had always been my natural reaction to James. I sighed, wondering if I should go back and apologize. _Though if he's invisible again, it'd be nearly impossible to find him. _As I continued towards the common room, my lips quirked upward in a wry smile. _Funny how fast I went from simply not hating him to feeling guilty for losing my temper._

It _was_ a little strange, though, that I hadn't told my friends. I probably wouldn't have told James either—actually, I knew I wouldn't—if he hadn't come upon me immediately after the incident, when I was still in shock about it. Don't get me wrong, it had been nice to talk about it, and he had made me feel a little better (which was strange enough in itself), but it also created a weird connection between us. I mean, he (as well as Sirius, Remus, and Peter, apparently) now knew something about my life that even my best friends didn't know. And it wasn't exactly a trivial thing, either.

I reached the common room, mostly empty by this point. I crossed to a chair near the fire instead of my usual perch, because it offered me a better view of the portrait hole. I planned to wait for James to return so I could apologize for my behavior earlier. Sirius and Peter, seated nearby, gave me strange looks as I sat down. I ignored them; though it was true that most of us had staked out a spot in the common room over the last six years, I was allowed to sit somewhere else once in a while, wasn't I?

_So, where do James and I stand now? _I wondered, going back to my earlier train of thought. _I mean, are we . . . friends, or something? _I snorted softly. _Hardly. After all, I—_I frowned, unable to finish that sentence. I what? I didn't hate him; I didn't care anymore if he was horrible to Severus; he hadn't been as rude as usual; he hadn't been asking me out constantly—all the reasons I'd never cared to associate with James in the past had disappeared. _But friends?! _The concept was too odd to consider, so I deliberately turned my mind to other things.

Like how exactly James had been following Severus. The invisibility cloak was helpful for concealing his presence, but it didn't tell James Severus's location. And who's to say Severus didn't spend all his free time in his common room, thus making an extensive search of the castle pointless? James had admitted that he only searched during rounds, so perhaps he was merely hoping to run across another secret meeting like the one I'd witnessed. _Hang on, though, he said he was 'mostly' spying during rounds. So what did that mean? Is he sneaking around the castle at other times as well? Or does he have some way of keeping an eye on Severus? _I snorted. That wasn't possible. Was it?

I sighed, glancing at my watch. It was almost eleven; the common room had emptied out. I wondered what was keeping James out so late. Maybe he _had _run into Severus? Or maybe he just didn't want to run into me, and was avoiding the common room as long as possible in the hopes that I would be in bed when he returned. _If he's not back in a few minutes, I'll just talk to him tomorrow . . ._

_ The door bursts open and a dark shadow fills the hallway. Someone runs past me, and there's shouting, followed by a flash of green light. I turn to run, a sense of panic and dread filling my stomach. Somewhere, a baby is crying . . ._

"Lily!" Someone was shaking my shoulder. I awoke with a jerk, my head coming up off the arm of the chair. I looked up to see James in front of me, a slightly concerned look in his hazel eyes.

"Must've fallen asleep," I muttered, slightly disoriented.

"Yeah, and I think you were having a—a dream, or something," James said.

I frowned, remembering. "Yeah, it was weird—something about a baby . . ." I trailed off, attempting and failing to recall further details of the dream. Suddenly, I recalled why I'd been sitting in a chair by the fire in the first place. "You're here," I stated to James unnecessarily.

"Ye-es," he replied haltingly, confused.

I blushed slightly, trying to organize my thoughts. "I mean, that's why I was sitting here; I was waiting for you to come back so I could apologize for yelling at you earlier, because I wasn't actually mad at you, I was just—anyway, it doesn't matter—but then I fell asleep," I concluded.

James, a bemused expression on his face, said slowly, "So, you're not mad at me? Is that what I should take from all of that?"

"No. I mean, no, I'm not mad at you, but yes to the second question." I blushed deeper, wondering why I couldn't seem to stop rambling.

James was grinning slightly by now. "You okay?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," I replied. "I think I'm just tired. So, um, good night," I said, rising abruptly from the chair and heading to my dormitory before I could embarrass myself further.

**Chapter 11: The Slug Club**

Despite Lily's request that I stay out of it, I continued watching Snape on the Marauder's Map. I still didn't trust him to remain inactive. And in fact, I began to notice that he'd disappear from the Map for hours at a time. It was possible that I'd simply been missing him; there were hundreds of students and teachers—the Map even showed the ghosts as well—so it wasn't exactly easy to search for a particular person. However, I had a feeling Snape was in fact leaving the grounds. We'd tried to extend the Map's territory beyond Hogwarts, but it seemed that the enchanted barriers that kept outsiders from getting in also prevented insiders from seeing out.

I wished there was some way I could figured out where Snape was going. In the absence of anyone to discuss it with I was becoming somewhat obsessed. Though I would never admit it to Lily, and certainly never to my friends, I'd been feeling guilty about how I'd treated Snape over the past few years. And it really had nothing to do with Snape himself, but everything to do with Lily. That day by the lake in fifth year, when he'd called her a Mudblood and their friendship had ended . . . I couldn't help but feel that I had provoked Snape to say what he did. Not that it made his actions forgivable, but . . . seeing how depressed Lily had been over the next few weeks had really hit me hard for some reason, and I'd never really been able to convince myself that it wasn't my fault she'd lost one of her best friends. So, my obsession with spying on him stemmed from a need to justify it all. However, when I caught myself planning elaborate schemes for following Snape out of the castle and off the grounds, I realized I needed to stop. I couldn't see where he was going, and staring at the Map for hours on end wouldn't suddenly evoke an epiphany-like understanding.

Nevertheless, I still found myself watching Snape in classes, as though I could divine his plans from his head if I stared at it long enough. During one such incident in Potions the next Friday, Professor Slughorn rapped my table sharply with his knuckles as he passed, making me jump.

"Look sharp, Mr. Potter," Slughorn said, frowning slightly.

I looked around and realized that everyone was intent upon the Vanishing Draft we were supposed to be brewing, while I hadn't made it beyond the first step. "Right . . . er, sorry Professor," I said, quickly glancing down at my Potions book.

"Quite all right, m'boy," Slughorn said jovially. "Actually, while I've got your attention, I'd like to extend an invitation to one of my little gatherings this evening at eight o'clock."

True to my word to Sirius, I'd managed to get out of all of Slughorn's previous invitations, usually by scheduling a Quidditch practice. However, they'd all come by note a day or two in advance, giving me time to invent an excuse. This time, his personal invitation caught me off guard.

"Er, sure, I'd be happy to come," I heard myself say.

"Excellent, excellent," Slughorn said, clasping his hands behind his back as he turned to oversee the others' progress.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Sirius turned to me, opening his mouth angrily. Before he could say anything, I cut across him, "I know, I know, but what was I supposed to do? He was standing right there, and I _am _free tonight."

"So make something up!" Sirius said.

"I couldn't think of anything, all right?" I replied defensively. "I'm on your side about this; d'you think I want to go?"

Sirius shrugged. "No, I guess not," he said grudgingly.

"If I promise to hate it and try to sneakily hex Regulus while I'm there, will that make up for it?"

Sirius grinned. "Yes," he said, turning back to his cauldron.

Before I did the same, I looked over at Lily. She seemed intent on her work, but I knew she couldn't have missed Slughorn's invitation. I wondered if her reaction would be any different this time. _Guess I'll find out tonight. _

I took it as a positive sign when, at a quarter to eight, Lily came up to me in the common room and asked if I was ready to go.

"Yeah, just give me two seconds," I said, rolling up the Defense Against the Dark Arts essay I'd been working on and returning it and my books to my bag.

"Have fun," Sirius said with a wink as I stood up. He'd gone from being bitter about the situation to teasing me about how horrible it was going to be. I still wasn't sure which was worse.

Without replying, I followed Lily out of the portrait hole.

"Sorry I couldn't get out of it this time," I said as we struck off for Slughorn's office.

Lily frowned at me. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just you've never really seemed enthusiastic about me being invited before."

Lily didn't answer.

"So, should I take your silence to mean that hasn't changed?" I asked, hoping this wasn't the case.

"No, I don't mind that you're coming," Lily replied nonchalantly. "Besides, I'm interested to know why Slughorn invited you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"You'll see," she said with a slight smile.

When we entered Slughorn's classroom, he immediately greeted us with a resounding, "James, Lily! So glad you could make it!"

"Didn't know we were on a first name basis," James muttered to me.

"We're not in class, so he doesn't have to maintain the student-professor relationship anymore," I whispered back, used to Slughorn's comradely treatment at his parties.

James raised an eyebrow, but before he could comment further, Slughorn reached us and shook our hands firmly in turn. "James, m'boy, let me introduce you to everyone," Slughorn said, practically dragging James further into the room. I ducked my head to hide a grin; I remembered how uncomfortable I had been at my first meeting, and was looking forward to seeing James squirm as Slughorn forced him into the spotlight.

"Of course, you already know Lily," Slughorn was saying. James smirked and made a little bow in my direction. I crossed my arms. _Should have known he would milk it for all it's worth rather than feel awkward._

"And I believe you're acquainted with Regulus Black?" James's mouth turned down slightly as he nodded. "Yes, yes, one of the oldest pureblood families in Britain," Slughorn added, somewhat as an afterthought.

I saw James frown slightly at him; I wondered how long it would take him to realize why we were all there.

"Over here we have the Harte twins," Slughorn indicated the two Ravenclaw fifth year girls standing by the fireplace. "Their father's the editor of the _Daily Prophet,_ as I'm sure you know." He turned to the boy—I think he was a Hufflepuff—next to the Hartes. " Ben Trigvy's grandfather helped replace several of the protective spells at Gringotts after the big break-in of '21. And this," Slughorn continued, with the air of saving the best for last, "is Calvin Hobbes, whose father is Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic himself!"

James flashed me a fake look of excitement behind Slughorn's back. I merely shrugged; this was just how Slughorn operated.

"Now, for those of you who don't know, this is James Potter—though I'm sure most of you knew that, since he's Head Boy this year!" Slughorn beamed at James, who grinned hesitantly back at him. "And, if I'm not mistaken, you're captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team as well!"

"Er, yes sir," James confirmed, now looking slightly apprehensive as to where this was all going. I glanced around at the others. Their expressions ranged from boredom, to polite interest, to, in the case of Regulus, disdain.

"I believe your parents are quite wealthy, are they not?" Slughorn continued. _That was slightly out of the blue, _I thought, a little surprised. Usually Slughorn wasn't quite so blatant.

A dull flush had risen in James's cheeks. "Er—" he replied, as though unsure how to answer without sounding arrogant.

Apparently taking his non-answer as confirmation, Slughorn went on, "And what is it your parents do?"

James cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, my mum doesn't work, and my dad works at the Ministry in the Department of International Magical Cooperation."

Slughorn raised his eyebrows. "Not what I would have expected."

"Yeah, it's more family money," James mumbled.

I was feeling a little bad for wishing James ill. This was definitely worse than my first time (that's what she said).

Luckily for him, Slughorn seemed to think he'd grilled James enough, because he turned to Calvin and asked, "So, I haven't seen much of your father lately; how is he?"

James walked straight over to me, grabbed my upper arm, and pulled me away from the group. "What the _hell _was that?"

"Come on, James, he did it for everyone else."

"No, not like that he didn't!"

"So your parents are rich, so what?" I didn't think it was anything to be ashamed of, especially since he obviously didn't flaunt it; this was the first time I'd heard his family was wealthy. "Would you rather have been invited because you're from 'one of the oldest pureblood families in Britain'?"

James cracked a small smile at that. "No." Then a frown creased his brow. "So, everyone is here because their parents . . ." he trailed off, uncertain how to finish his sentence.

"—are either famous or know someone famous," I clarified for him. "It's how Slughorn was raised—connections establish your place in society, which in turn proves how successful you are." I shrugged. "It sounds outdated and frankly a little silly now, but it's what he's used to, I guess."  
James nodded. He didn't seem completely satisfied with the situation, but looked like he was struggling to put his next thoughts into words. What he eventually said, however, I hadn't expected. "Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you here?" I looked quizzically at him. "I'm going to go out a limb and say Slughorn wouldn't be too impressed with your parents' connections," he added.

I wasn't offended; it was a valid question. "Well, my first time here, Slughorn kept going on about my academic talents, how I was a 'model student,' stuff like that." I tried to sound nonchalant about this—having berated James constantly for his arrogance over the years, I didn't want to sound immodest now. "I suppose he hopes I'll eventually have connections myself," I added with a wry smile.

James nodded again. Looking around the room, he said reluctantly, "I suppose we should be talking to the others? That's the whole point of these things, isn't it?" When I nodded, he asked, "So, who in here do you hate least?"

I arched a brow at him. "Why do you assume that I hate all of them?"

"Oh, because I'm pretty sure I will."

"And since when do we have similar likes and dislikes?"

James threw up his hands in surrender. "Fine, then who can you simply not _wait _to talk to again?" he said sarcastically.

"The Hartes are actually really nice," I said.

And with that, James strode up to them and said, "Hi, I don't think Slughorn mentioned your first names?"

The evening continued amicably enough—we all chatted in small groups for a while, then Slughorn gathered us around a small table for dessert. He led the conversation from this point, inquiring after various people's relatives and regaling us with tales from his Hogwarts days. On the few occasions where he was addressed, James generally replied sarcastically, a point which was lost on most in the room, Slughorn included. And when Slughorn shooed us out at about ten o'clock, James practically sprinted from the room, though I found him waiting for me in the corridor.

"Come on, it wasn't that bad, was it?" I asked as I reached him.

He just made an incredulous noise in his throat.

"Well, fine. I guess it _is _more fun when he brings in one of the famous people he knows. Like, let's see, who would you find interesting . . . oh, last month he invited that Quidditch player for England who's the youngest Seeker in the league's history, what's his name?"

"Corey Watson?" When I nodded, James looked impressed. "Okay, I guess that would be cool. Still, if Slughorn and his little club are still here when my kids start school, I am _not _letting them join."

**Chapter 12: Blind Date**

"So, how was it?" Peter asked as I rejoined him, Sirius, and Remus in the common room. Most people had already gone to bed, but my friends had waited up to hear about Slughorn's party.

"Oh, it was absolutely marvelous!" I answered sarcastically. "Let's see, first he introduced everyone by telling me why their families were important and famous, then he went on about how my family's rich for nearly five minutes. It was great."

Sirius crossed his arms, grinning in satisfaction. "I knew you'd hate it. Was my darling brother there?"

"Unfortunately yes," I said.

"And what about Lily?" Remus asked.

I frowned. "What about her?"

"Are you two friends now, or something?"

I laughed. "What? No."

The other three exchanged looks.

"What?" I repeated.

"Nothing," they chorused.

Thursday after Quidditch practice, Sophie came over to me in the changing room (baum chicka baw-wow) as everyone else was leaving to head back for dinner.

"What would you say about going to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?" she asked brightly.

Caught slightly off guard, I answered, "I'd love to, Sophie, but . . ." I paused, unsure how to tell her I didn't want it to be a date without hurting her feelings.

I was relieved when she added, "It'd just be as friends—I know you're still hung up on Lily. I'm not trying to be weird or anything; it's just, we've gone to school together for seven years, but I've never really gotten to know you. I can invite the rest of the Gryffindor team, as a sort of team bonding thing, if that would make it less awkward."

Exiting the changing rooms, we began making our way back to the castle, slightly behind the rest of the team. "No, that's fine," I said. "It's not awkward, as long as we're both on the same page about it not being a date."

"Great! I think it'll be fun."

Something in her voice made me look at her sharply. It seemed like she was up to something. As a master plotter myself, I had developed a keen sense for such things.

Sophie noticed my gaze. "What?" she said, too innocently.

I shrugged. "Nothing." _I think I'm just going to see where this goes. _Instead, I thought back to something she'd said earlier, about me being "hung up" on Lily. "Do you think it's pathetic that I'm still chasing her? Lily, I mean," I added for clarification.

Sophie shrugged. "No, not really. I mean, you guys are practically friends now, right? That's progress."

I didn't answer. _That is the second time someone's brought that up. _Are _we friends? If I have to ask that question, probably not. Still, maybe I just haven't noticed, since I'm so used to us _not _being friends. _Resolving to pay more attention to my interactions with Lily in the coming days, I entered the Great Hall for dinner.

Out of boredom and a lack of desire to start my homework, I headed down early for tutoring the following afternoon. Of course, Lily was already there when I arrived. She greeted me pleasantly enough as I sat down, and after a short inner debate, I decided to just come right out and ask her.

"Are we friends?"

She looked up in surprise. "What do you mean?"

I thought it had been pretty clear what I meant. "Uh, you know, it seems like we've been . . . getting along for a while, and we went to the Slug Club thing together—well, not _together_ together, but . . . " I trailed off awkwardly, starting to wish I hadn't broached the subject. "So, are we?"

"I don't know," Lily answered, sounding almost alarmed.

_No need to freak out, _I thought, a little offended. "Right, well, I don't know either—I mean, obviously, that's why I asked—but it's been brought up to me by some people, and, well . . ." Lily continued to stare apprehensively at me. "You know what, never mind, forget I ever said anything."

Luckily, at that moment a group of first years arrived, and I was able to concentrate on them for the rest of the evening. When we were finished, Lily muttered something about the library and hurried from the room. Sighing, I followed at a slower pace. I stopped right outside of the classroom, debating whether I should go after her and trying to patch things up. I thought over our conversation, trying to figure out why Lily had seemed so nervous. _Maybe she wasn't nervous, but instead thought I was insane for even suggesting we might be friends. Or maybe she was afraid that the answer might be yes. Which wouldn't be any better. Unless it meant she _did _want to be friends, except. . . . _Except what?

I suddenly discovered that I'd started walking in the direction of the library. Taking this as a sign that I should go talk to Lily, I quickened my pace and walked straight up to where she was studying before I could talk myself out of it.

Grabbing a chair, I sat down at the corner of her table. Lily leaned slightly away from me, but I took it as a positive sign that she didn't leave or tell me to. "Listen," I whispered, "I didn't mean to freak you out earlier, and I just wanted to let you know this is weird for me too. I mean, I'm not going to pretend that I don't hope we can be friends, but when I actually imagine it, considering how long you've hated me, it is . . . well, strange." I paused. "Er, I guess that's all I wanted to say, so, uh, just think about it." Without waiting for a response, I turned and exited the library, heading for Gryffindor tower.

_Well, I guess escaping to the library didn't work, _I mused as I stared after James. I wasn't sure exactly why I had been so unsettled when he'd broached the topic of friendship. After all, I'd considered it myself, albeit fleetingly, only a week earlier. _I suppose it just caught me off guard_._ Not to mention the fact that I'd have absolutely no clue how to be friends with James. _In order to avoid pursuing that thought further, where it might lead to the dangerous territory of actually _wanting _to be friends with James, I thought instead about our conversation moments earlier, which had left me utterly confused. Why would it be weird for him to think of us as friends? Hadn't he wanted that—and more—all along? Years of flirting had certainly proven that. Of course, the flirting had all but ceased this year. Which meant . . . what? I sighed and returned my attention to my homework, a decidedly less confusing and dangerous endeavor.

I stayed at the library until it closed, telling myself it was because I had to get work done and not because I was avoiding James. However, I couldn't quite suppress a sigh of relief when I entered the common room to find it completely James-free. If I was lucky, tomorrow's Hogsmeade visit would continue in such a fashion.

_ A high cold laugh fills the room._

_ "Lily, run!"_

_ "Avada Kedavra!" I hear the chilling thud of a body hitting the floor._

_ I try to run, but my feet won't move. A shadow appears around the doorway . . ._

I woke up abruptly, covered in a cold sweat. _What was that about? _It had been similar to my dream a week ago, but this time there had been no baby crying. What had happened to it? Had it been killed, just like . . . I snorted when I realized what I was doing. _What does it matter? It was just a dream. I have more important things to worry about than what my subconscious is doing._

"Good, you're up!" Sophie greeted me brightly. "I was just about to wake you. Brea's already down at breakfast; I told her we'd meet her there."

I raised an eyebrow. "You're very excited, considering it's just Hogsmede. We _have _been there before, you know."

"Yeah, but, I don't know, I just have a good feeling about today."

I smiled, shaking my head as I reached for my clothes.

The cool November air stung our cheeks as we made our way down the path from the castle to Hogsmeade. It had snowed the night before, leaving everything blanketed in white snow that sparkled in the sunlight (like a vampire).

Beside me, Sophie inhaled deeply. "Don't you just love winter? It has a certain clean smell to it, doesn't it?"

Again, I looked at her suspiciously. I was starting to get the feeling that she was up to something. "What are you planning?" I asked cautiously.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

"Come on, Soph, you've been my best friend for six years—I can tell when you're not telling me something."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sophie said. But she couldn't quite suppress a small smile.

I turned to Brea, expecting to share a look of disbelief, but found her studiously avoiding my gaze. I stopped in my tracks. "Okay, what is going on, you two?"

"Don't worry about it," Sophie said breezily, grabbing my arm to make me start moving again. Her cavalier air was making me anything but calm. However, it was apparent that I wasn't going to get anything else out of her or Brea, so I resigned myself to waiting.

The novelty of Hogsmeade had rather worn off after our fifth year, so we now normally claimed a booth in the Three Broomsticks and spent the day chatting, drinking butterbeer, and just generally enjoying a break from Hogwarts. So when Sophie turned towards the pub I didn't think anything of it. However, she turned to Brea and I before entering.

"You two go on ahead, I'll join you in a minute," she said.

"Why?" I asked apprehensively. But Sophie didn't hear me; she seemed preoccupied scanning the street.

"Who are you looking for?" I asked.

But Brea took my arm and dragged me into the Three Broomsticks. "You'll see soon enough," she told me with a decidedly evil grin.

"Why do I have the feeling I'm going to hate you two for this?" I muttered as we made our way to a table in the back. Brea just chuckled. I slid into a seat while Brea went up to buy the butterbeers. She came back with four bottles, setting one in front of me and two across from us as she sat down beside me. She opened the fourth and took a long pull.

"I think I could drink this stuff with every meal," she said with a satisfied sigh.

I didn't answer, nor did I touch my own drink; I was busy staring at the door to see who Sophie would bring in. I had a sneaking suspicion who it was going to be . . . but no, my friends wouldn't be that cruel, would they?

Turns out they would. I had just settled down enough to open my butterbeer, when a sight near the door of the pub almost made me drop the bottle in shock. Sophie reentered the Three Broomsticks with none other than James Potter in tow. Brea had noticed them as well, and stood up to wave Sophie over.

As she sat back down, I turned to her, horrified. "Him?" was all I could manage to say.

Brea just grinned.

"What, is this some sort of blind date?"

Brea frowned. "Not in any sense of the phrase. Soph and I are here, so it's not a date, and you know James already, so it's not blind."

I glared at her; she smiled sweetly back. I opened my mouth, an angry retort on the tip of my tongue, when James and Sophie reached the table. James grinned apologetically at me—_yeah, I'm sure he's really sorry—_as Sophie practically shoved him onto the bench first so he'd be across from me. I suddenly realized my mouth was still hanging open, and I quickly clamped it shut, blushing slightly.

"Hey Lily, Brea," James said. "How are you two?"

"We're fine," Brea answered quickly, as though afraid I'd make a cutting remark.

"Er, nice day, huh?" he continued. I was surprised to see he seemed uncomfortable—I'd assumed he'd been in on this too, but maybe Sophie had tricked him into it.

"Isn't it?" Sophie said brightly. I rolled my eyes. At least someone was enjoying themselves. "Perfect for a Hogsmede trip."

"Frankly, I don't care what the weather's like, as long as we can get out of the castle!" Brea said.

"Yeah, I guess that's true," Sophie agreed. She turned to James. "Actually, that's one of the reasons I love Quidditch so much—practice provides a nice break from classes!"

James smiled. "Definitely. So, how come you never tried out until this year?"

Under cover of their conversation about Quidditch, I turned to Brea. "So is James in on this too?" I hissed.

"No," she whispered back. "I don't know how Sophie got him to meet her here, but this was mostly her idea. You're not mad, are you?" she asked anxiously.

I sighed. "I guess not." And I wasn't; learning that James hadn't been a part of things simply made the situation awkward, not maddening. "I wish you hadn't blindsided me with it, though."

"But you never would have agreed to it willingly," Brea countered with a grin.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Can I ask why you're doing this?"

Brea shrugged. "Because we think James deserves a chance after all these years," she replied matter-of-factly.

Before I could reply, I heard my name. I turned to find both James and Sophie looking at me expectantly.

"Sorry. What?"

"I was just telling Sophie what you told me about Slughorn inviting Corey Watson to one of his parties," James said.

"When was that?" Sophie asked eagerly.

"Er, about a month ago, I guess?" I answered.

"Why didn't you tell me about it?" Sophie demanded.

"I don't tell you everything," I replied, but I wasn't just thinking about England's new Seeker.

"Well, it looks like she's returning the favor today," James said with a grin.

Brea and Sophie laughed, and even I smiled reluctantly. It was going to be an interesting day.

**Chapter 13: New Friends**

I suppose I should have seen it coming. I'd suspected Sophie hadn't wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me just "to get to know me better." But for some reason, it had never crossed my mind that she would arrange something like this. Not that I was complaining, of course. It _was _slightly awkward, especially in light of last night's events—I had hoped to have a bit more of a break before I saw Lily again—but she didn't seem as pissed off as I would have thought. On the other hand, she'd barely said two words to me.

As if she could read my thoughts, Sophie suddenly announced that she had to go the bathroom, shooting Brea a significant look as she did so. Catching on, Brea excused herself as well, and I suddenly found myself alone with Lily.

"That was subtle," Lily muttered sarcastically.

Feeling like I owed her an explanation, I said, "For the record, I didn't set this up. Sophie—"

"I know, Brea told me," Lily interrupted. "What exactly did Sophie tell you?" she asked curiously.

I relayed our conversation after Quidditch practice the day before. "I kind of got the idea that she was up to something, but. . . ."

Lily shook her head. ". . . you never expected it to be this," she finished. We looked at each other, and Lily seemed to realize she'd finished my sentence for me, because she hastily took a gulp of butterbeer, blushing slightly.

"Yeah, I was actually kind of worried at first that Sophie was asking me out on a date," I said with a laugh.

Lily cocked an eyebrow at me. "And why would that be so horrible?" she asked coolly.

"It wouldn't," I said hurriedly. "It's just, I . . . er . . . wouldn't want—"

"—you wouldn't want to go out with her? Why not?" Lily demanded heatedly.

I was feeling decidedly uncomfortable now. "Well, because I . . ." _want to go out with you, _I added silently. I didn't know why it was so hard to say; I'd done so in one fashion or another countless times over the years.

Suddenly, understanding dawned in Lily's eyes, and her cheeks colored to match her hair. "Oh," she said in a small voice.

This time we both took a swig from our butterbeers to avoid looking at each other. _This is why we can't be friends, _I realized. The fact that I wanted more than that was always going to sit between us, forcing us apart. This depressing thought almost made me miss the color draining from Lily's face as fast as it had come. She was staring wide-eyed at the door, a mixture of anger and fear in her eyes.

I craned my head around, and immediately saw what, or rather who, had caught her attention. Severus Snape was standing just inside the door, scanning the room. His gaze swept over us, then he suddenly did a double-take, his expression going from shocked to hurt to furious in about two seconds. He started towards us, and I immediately made to grab my wand, but before I could draw it, Snape abruptly changed directions and strode to a booth in the corner opposite ours. Mulciber and Avery were already settled at the table, and I wondered how I had missed them before.

"Really? The Three Broomsticks?" I muttered, appalled at their choice of meeting spot. But when I turned back to Lily, she was staring at the table. I took one look at her face and stood abruptly. "Right. We're leaving."

Lily looked up at me. "What?"

"We're leaving," I repeated. "Come on."

"What about Brea and Sophie," Lily protested, even as she rose from the table.

"They'll figure it out," I said firmly, taking hold of Lily's upper arm and steering her towards the door. I could feel Snape's eyes following us out of the pub.

Once we were outside, I let go of Lily's arm. By unspoken agreement, we both began walking back towards the castle.

"I wish I didn't know," Lily said suddenly. "At least when I just suspected it, I could pretend that it wasn't true. Now I can't ignore it."

I was quiet, unsure how to respond. I hadn't realized how upset she still was about it—after all, Snape was in all of our classes, and Lily had simply ignored him then. "Have you told Brea and Sophie yet?" I said finally, shoving my hands into my pockets.

Lily shook her head.

"Well, maybe you should, you know, so you can talk to someone about it. It might help."

Lily looked at me frankly. "What do you think I'm doing right now?"

Instead of making me feel happy, this only confused and frustrated me. _So she can talk to me about something like this, but it's disconcerting to think of us as friends? _Before I could voice these protests, Lily spoke again.

"Why do you hate him?" she asked.

The unexpected question drove what I had been about to say completely from my mind. "You need to ask?" I said incredulously. Didn't she hate him too? I couldn't imagine she still harbored friendly feelings for Snape after all that he'd done.

"No, I don't mean now—believe me, I can understand that." I breathed an inward sigh of relief. "I meant, why did you start hating him?"

I opened my mouth, then closed it, realizing I couldn't answer that question. I had never _started _hating Snape—I had hated him from the minute I met him. "I don't really know," I answered honestly. "I guess—Have you ever met someone and known immediately that you could never be friends with them, or even like them at all? And then everything they do just confirms that first instinct?"

"Yes," Lily answered, to my surprise.

"Really? Who?" I asked, curious.

Lily's eyes flicked towards me, then away. "You," she said, quietly but distinctly.

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. "Right," I said, unable to keep the pain completely out of my voice.

"But I guess that just goes to show first instincts can be wrong sometimes, huh?" she continued with a small smile.

I covered the remaining distance to the castle with a new bounce in my step.

I'm not really sure how it happened, but after that trip to Hogsmeade, James and I became friends. And it wasn't weird, like I'd expected. In fact, when I thought over the past few weeks, it seemed like a fairly natural progression, a logical next step. It wasn't like we hung out all the time, but I no longer minded sharing my Head Girl duties with him, and, by unspoken agreement, Brea, Sophie, and I started sitting with James and his friends in the evenings in the common room.

Of course, Sophie took credit for the whole thing, and I let her, mostly because I didn't want to risk having to explain my sudden disappearance from the Three Broomsticks, which she and Brea had thankfully refrained from inquiring about. Often, when we were studying in the evenings, she'd simply start grinning for no reason, and when I asked her what was so amusing, she'd say "Nothing." Then a volley of _looks _would be exchanged among Brea, Sirius, Sophie, Peter and Remus, and they'd all turn and look at James and me. It was all very annoying, and I quickly learned not to comment on Sophie's grins, which greatly reduced the number of meaningful glances exchanged.

Nevertheless, I was glad that she was currently in the library, looking for a book about Mandrakes for the Herbology essay we—minus James and Sirius—were currently working on. James and Sirius were locked in an intense game of wizard's chess, thankfully sparing the rest of us from the taunting remarks they usually made when they finished their work before everyone else—which was, basically, always.

I, on the other hand, had spent the last fifteen minutes looking through my Herbology book for a passage on Mandrake roots, with no luck. I let out a frustrated sigh.

"What?" Brea asked.

"I don't know how Sprout expects us to write an essay on the proper brewing of a Mandrake healing solution if there isn't anything in here about the roots, which is one of the main components!"

"Oh good, you can't find it either," Brea said with relief, though I failed to see how this was a positive thing. "I've been looking for—"

"Page 127," Sirius said, without looking up from the chess board.

Brea and I both looked at him, then turned our books to page 127, which, sure enough, had a heading entitled: _Mandrake Roots and Their Use in Healing._

"Thanks, Sirius!" Brea said.

"No problem," he answered breezily. "Knight to E7."

I looked thoughtfully at him and James. "How is it that you two manage to finish everything so fast?"

"Well, you see, Lily, we just happen to be amazing," Sirius answered with a wink, reminding me forcibly of James.

"And so humble, too," I said sarcastically.

"Don't complain—I just saved you several minutes of fruitless searching."

Unfortunately, I had to admit he was probably right. "I can see why you and James are friends," I muttered as I turned away.

"You get used to it," Remus said with a smile.

"Really? Any pointers?" I joked.

"I've found that ignoring them works quite well—it's no fun for them if they can't provoke a response out of you. You'll find that the same principles also apply to children," he added with a grin.

James and Sirius glared at him while the rest of us laughed. I liked Remus—we'd patrolled together the past two years as prefects, and it was nice to see him regularly again.

Just then, Sophie returned from the library.

"Did you find the book?" I asked.

There was an odd, almost nervous look on her face, and she didn't seem to have heard me.

I frowned. "What's wrong, Soph?"

"Er . . . Severus is outside and he wants to talk to you," she said in a rush.

"Well, I don't want to talk to him. Ever." I said harshly.

Sophie bit her lip. "You know he won't leave until you go out there."

"I could make him leave, if you want," Sirius offered, clenching his fists menacingly.

Before, that would only have angered me further. Now, I actually appreciated the gesture. But I knew I'd have to take care of this myself. "Thanks, but I think I'd better do it," I said, reluctantly rising from my chair.

"Lily," James said, half-rising. I paused, looking at him questioningly. He seemed to teeter on the verge of saying something, then decide against it. "Never mind," he said, sinking back down.

I continued to the portrait hole, pausing only slightly to steel myself before exiting the common room. Outside, Severus was pacing back and forth. He looked up when he heard the portrait swing open, a guarded look on his face.

I folded my arms. "What do you want?" I said coldly.

"I thought you said you weren't friends with Potter," he spat.

It took me a minute to recall the exact conversation where I'd made such a claim. "Well I wasn't, then."

The unspoken implication wasn't wasted on Severus. His face hardened. "I thought you hated him."

"I did." I wasn't about to explain how that had all changed.

"But what about everything he's done to you! To me!"

Even though I knew it probably wouldn't be a good idea for Severus to find out that I knew he was a Death Eater, I couldn't stop myself from saying, "It's nothing compared to what you've done to me."

But he didn't seem to catch the veiled meaning behind my words. "Why can't you—" he started, but I cut in.

"How many times to we have to have this conversation! I'm going to say this one more time for you—we are not friends. So please just . . . stop trying to talk to me."

A look of desperation filled his eyes. "I've been trying to get on without you as my friend, but I don't think I can."

"Well, you'll have to learn to," I replied.

I climbed back through the portrait hole, stopping just inside it to take a couple of deep breaths before rejoining my friends. All of them watched me somberly as I sat down; I wished they would look away.

"You okay?" Brea asked tentatively.

I pasted a smile on my face. "I'm fine," I assured her.

She and Sophie exchanged doubtful glances. I ignored them and picked up my Herbology essay again; everyone slowly returned to their work as well. James and Sirius seemed to have abandoned their chess game, and James was digging in his bag for a spare bit of parchment and a quill. I wondered absently what he'd forgotten to do as he scribbled on the parchment. However, a couple of seconds later, he folded it and passed it surreptitiously to me. Opening it curiously, I read:

_Does he know you know?_

I looked at James, but he was staring across the room, his arm hanging casually over the arm of his chair. I looked down and saw that his palm was open, facing me. I wrote back, simply, _No, _and passed the parchment back to him.

_Good. I'd try and keep it that way, because I have a feeling it would be bad if he did, _James wrote back.

I made an impatient noise in the back of my throat before responding, _Yes, I'm not stupid, you know._

James smiled slightly as he read this, and finally did look at me. "I know you're not," he said aloud.

The others looked up in confusion. "Not what?" Peter asked.

"Nothing," James and I replied in unison. I cringed, anticipating the cycle of significant glances that was sure to start again. However, everyone simply looked quickly away, though Sophie didn't quite succeed in suppressing a giggle.

**Chapter 14: No Light Without the Dark**

Despite my fears that it would come between us, Lily never mentioned the awkward part of our time in Hogsmeade. And I found it surprisingly easy to be just friends with her. At times I wondered if that was all I'd wanted all along. But there were other times when I'd catch myself wondering what would happen if I tried to take her hand, or put my arm around her, or . . . and then I'd force those thoughts away, before I could act on them and ruin everything. After all, it had taken so long to establish our friendship that I was afraid to drive Lily away by pushing for more. Because I knew that Lily didn't want more than friendship, perhaps never would. And I would have to learn to live with that.

As melodramatic as all that sounds, I much preferred the current state of things to what I'd expected the year to be like the moment I found out Lily had been made Head Girl. It was nice not to dread the hours spent together tutoring and planning meetings. We'd also started spending time together outside of class and meetings, though it was mostly filled with homework. My friends had teased me endlessly at first, of course, but they'd soon accepted Lily and her friends into our group as though they'd been part of it all along.

The Lily and Snape . . . issue seemed to have reached some sort of resolution as well. He'd come by one night to talk to her, and while I could tell from the look on her face when she'd returned that it hadn't been a pleasant conversation, she also looked as though a weight had been lifted from her. After establishing that Snape didn't know that we knew his secret, Lily and I didn't speak of it for several weeks. She went back to ignoring his presence in class, which he attended with increasing rarity, and he didn't attempt to speak to her again. I stopped trying to discern Snape's doings from the Marauder's Map, and only checked it every so often. And it wasn't until midway through December that Lily broached the topic again.

Lily, Sophie, Brea, Remus and I were in the common room during morning break. Sirius and Peter had joined a group for a snowball fight out in the grounds. Sophie and Brea had positioned themselves by one of the windows to watch the fight, and after a moment Remus joined them. After making sure they were sufficiently occupied, Lily turned to me.

"There's something I have to ask you that's been bothering me for awhile."

"Okay," I said hesitantly.

"I was thinking about how you've been spying on Severus, and I can't work out how exactly you do it. I have a feeling you haven't been just wandering the halls hoping you'll randomly run into him."

I smiled ruefully. "No, I haven't." I hesitated—the Map was one of my biggest secrets, and I wasn't sure I wanted to tell Lily about it, despite our new friendship. Besides, it was just as much my friends' secret as mine. "Okay," I said after a moment's debate, "I'll show you, but, like with the Cloak, you have to promise not to spread it around."

Lily nodded, and I pulled the Marauder's Map out of my bag. As I spread it on the table before us, Lily frowned at the apparently blank parchment. "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," I intoned, tapping the parchment with my wand.

Lily gave me a withering look. "What?" I asked.

"That's honestly the password to—" she stopped suddenly, her eyes widening as the inky map of the castle and its inhabitants seeped slowly across the parchment. After the Map had revealed itself to its full glory, Lily leaned down to examine it. By the time she was done, her mouth had fallen open.

"Where did you get this?" she asked in a hushed, almost reverent tone.

I grinned. "I—we—made it—Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I."

Lily's jaw dropped, if possible, even further. "No way," she said. I nodded, my grin widening. "That is some seriously amazing magic," Lily continued, impressed.

"Thanks. That means a lot coming from you, since I know it's hard for you to admit that I'm actually good at something," I said with a smirk.

Lily rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to reply.

"What's that?" Sophie, Brea and Remus had moved away from the window, and the former were eyeing the Map with curiosity.

"Er . . ." I looked at Remus, and he shrugged as if to say "it's your fault for bringing it out, nothing we can do about it now."

"It's a map of the school that shows where everyone is at any given time," Lily answered for me.

Brea and Sophie leaned down for a closer look. "Wow," Brea breathed.

"Hey, there we are!" Sophie exclaimed, pointing to the dots labeled "Sophie Masterson" and "Brea Langton."

"Who are Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs?" Brea asked.

"Me, Peter, Sirius, and James," Remus answered.

"Wait, so you guys _made _this?" Brea asked incredulously.

"Yes," Remus and I answered proudly, in unison.

"How long did it take you?" Sophie asked.

I shrugged. "I'm not really sure—we kept adding to it periodically during our fifth and sixth years."

"So, why were you and Lily looking at it?" Sophie asked curiously.

I looked at Lily, who was looking at me apprehensively. "You should tell them the truth," I said. "They deserve to know."

Lily nodded reluctantly, and launched into the story, starting with her early suspicions, explaining what she'd heard Snape saying in the abandoned classroom, and finishing with my friends' and my involvement spying on Snape.

A stunned silence followed her explanation.

"You're sure?" Brea whispered.

"I don't know how else to explain it," Lily said, with a half-glance at me. Sophie shivered involuntarily. "Sorry for not telling you earlier," she added.

But Brea and Sophie appeared unconcerned with this fact. "And you don't think we should tell anyone?" Sophie asked slowly.

"We figured there wasn't really much anyone could do—I mean, it'll be easier to keep an eye on them if they're in the castle, and they're less likely to try anything if they don't think anyone knows," I answered. "They'll be trying to keep a low profile as long as possible." I spoke with more confidence than I felt—I wasn't entirely sure this last part was true.

But Brea and Sophie looked convinced, though still a little shaken. Lily seemed to notice this as well, and she attempted to smile at them. "I wouldn't worry about it until we have to," she advised. "That's what I'm trying to do," she added quietly, almost to herself.

Brea nodded.

"Okay," Sophie said. Then, obviously trying to change the subject, she added, "What do the nicknames mean?" She indicated the top of the Map, where the names Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were emblazoned.

Remus and I exchanged glances. "That's a story for another time," I said. I directed my wand at the Map once more. "Mischief managed," I muttered, and the Map was wiped blank.

Although I had determined to think about Severus as a Death Eater as little as possible, it was harder to ignore the general state of the world and You-Know-Who's reign of fear. As long as I'd been in school, I'd known about Voldemort and the dangerous war he was waging to establish pureblood wizards as rightful rulers of his new world order. Thankfully, the war had yet to affect me personally—though I suppose you could make the argument that Severus had changed that—but every year, news of students' family members murdered or tortured by Death Eaters forced us all to remember the bleak reality of the situation. This year had been remarkably quiet on that front, but the third Tuesday in December changed all of that.

We were in Transfiguration, practicing turning a goblet into a lamp—nonverbally, of course—when Professor Dumbledore entered the classroom. Everyone looked up in surprise; no one could remember Dumbledore ever personally interrupting a class before.

"My apologies, Minerva," he said to Professor McGonagall, "but I'm afraid I must speak to Miss Mosgrove in my office." Dumbledore beckoned to the Alicia Mosgrove, a Ravenclaw, an uncharacteristically grave look on his face. Alicia stood up, a mixture of surprise and fear on her face, packed up her things and left the classroom.

Everyone began whispering curiously immediately upon her departure.

"Wonder what she's done?" Sirius muttered. "Must've been pretty bad, if Dumbledore had to get involved."

"Alicia?" Brea asked incredulously. "Do you really think he called her out because she's in trouble?" I shared her doubt—Alicia was a meek, softspoken girl; she'd be the last person I'd expect to break the rules.

Sirius shrugged. "There's a first time for everything," he said, and for some reason he grinned at me.

Before I could ask him what exactly he was implying—though I had a pretty good idea—McGonagall called us all to order.

"All right, that's enough everyone," she said, though she too looked worried. "Unless you want extra homework tonight, I suggest you resume practicing."

Everyone rushed to lunch, eager to see if Alicia was there and find out what had happened. But she didn't show up for lunch, nor was she in any of our afternoon classes. It wasn't until that evening in the common room that the news finally reached us—her father had been killed by Death Eaters. She'd packed that afternoon and taken the train home just before dinner.

The mood in the common room was especially grim and subdued that night. Sophie in particular was unusually quiet—her parents were both members of the Order of the Phoenix; news like this always affected her particularly strongly.

I couldn't help but feel guilty whenever things like this happened. As Muggles, my family faced less of a direct risk from You-Know-Who than those witches and wizards who were members of the Order, as Alicia's father had been, or otherwise involved in the main resistance against him.

"At least your parents have no choice, though," James said when I voiced these concerns. "My parents are both wizards, but neither of them are members of the Order or anything."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of, Prongs," Remus said quietly. "Not every wizard is in the Order."

James just shrugged and picked at a loose thread on the arm of his chair.

"Yeah, and at least they're in favor of the right side," Sirius muttered darkly. "I don't understand why decent people like Alicia have to lose parents while my lovely family remains just as insufferably alive as always."

"That's a horrible thing to say," Sophie said softly.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at her. "You haven't met my family."

Sophie looked away. After a few seconds, she mumbled something about being tired and trudged off up the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

"What's up with her?" Sirius asked, frowning after Sophie.

"Her family's in the Order," Brea answered. "News of Order deaths always upset her more than most."

"Oh." Sirius looked a little guilty. "I didn't mean to . . ." he trailed off, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

"She'll be alright," Brea reassured him with a small smile.

The next morning in Potions class, Slughorn called me to his desk at the end of class.

"Miss Evans, just wanted to let you know the date for my annual Christmas party," he said with a jovial smile. "In light of recent events, I think people will be needing some fun more than ever, don't you?"

I made a noncommittal noise in the back of my throat.

"Anyway, it'll be on the twentieth of December—the last day of classes—at 8 o'clock. I've reserved one of those charming little rooms off the Great Hall for the occasion."

"I'll be looking forward to it, sir," I replied with a smile. His Christmas parties were always my favorite meetings of the year.

"And don't forget, you can bring someone if you like," Slughorn added with an exaggerated wink.

"Right," I said. "Thanks." In all the years I'd attended, I'd never brought a date to the Christmas party. Not everybody did, so it wasn't weird; I'd still had fun.

When I exited the classroom, I found James waiting for me. "You didn't have to wait," I told him.

He just shrugged, and we started towards the Great Hall for lunch. "So, what did old Sluggy want?" he asked.

"To invite me to his Christmas party," I replied.

"Oh, good," James said, sounding relieved.

I gave him a quizzical look.

"If he invited you now, but not me, it must mean I don't have to go," he explained.

"It's actually pretty fun."

"That's what you said about the other meeting," James said.

"Fine," I said. "Anyway, you wouldn't have _had _to go, even if he did invite you."

"I know, but it's much easier to refuse when you're not invited in the first place."

We had nearly reached the Great Hall when I suddenly said, "We _are_ supposed to bring someone, so . . ." I trailed off, regretting the words immediately after they'd left my mouth. _What am I doing?! _I hoped James hadn't heard.

But of course he had. He stopped, a small frown appearing between his eyes. "Are you asking me out?"

I hit him on the arm. "Don't be absurd," I scoffed. "I just figured you—that is, I didn't really have anyone else to ask, and—I mean, I know you just said you didn't want to go, but . . ." I fell silent, flustered. James was looking at me with his eyebrows raised. "Never mind, just forget it," I added quickly, turning into the Great Hall.

James trotted to catch up with me. "Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I'll go with you to Slughorn's Christmas party. In fact, I'd be honored," he said, placing a hand dramatically over his heart.

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, but only if you can behave yourself."

James crossed his fingers. "Promise."

"Right, well, that's settled, then," I said, still slightly appalled at what I'd just done.

"It's a date," James agreed.

"No, it's not," I countered.

"Hmm, no, I really think it is," James said teasingly.

"It's not a date, James," I said sternly.

"Agree to disagree, then," he said as we joined Sirius, Remus, Peter, Sophie, and Brea at the Gryffindor table.

**Chapter 15: A Not-So-Blind Date**

"So, I would just like to take this moment to say: I told you so," I said, grinning triumphantly at Remus. We were sitting with Sirius, Peter, Sophie, and Brea in the common room. Lily was on patrol duty, and I had taken advantage of her absence to tell the others of our conversation earlier that day.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "I don't think it counts as a date if half of the party doesn't see it as one," he said mildly.

"And if they've only recently stopped wishing you'd suddenly drop dead," Sirius added.

I waved my hand, dismissing their protests. "Details," I said airily. "I still maintain that it's a date. And she never wanted me dead," I added, glaring at Sirius.

"Well, that's debatable," Sophie said, but she was grinning. "But I'm afraid I have to side with James on this one," she said apologetically to Sirius and Remus. "This is definitely a date, as much as Lily tries to deny it."

"Thank you, Sophie," I said.

"I still can't believe Lily asked you," Brea mused.

"And from the sound of it, neither can she," Sirius muttered, somewhat put out at being overruled.

"I can't believe I'm getting more support from these two"—I indicated Brea and Sophie—"than I am from my own best friends," I said, feigning indignance.

"You're right, Prongs," Remus said with mock sincerity. "I suppose congratulations are in order. I mean, it only took you six years," he finished with a smirk.

Sirius and Peter laughed. I glared at Remus. "Fine," I said. "We'll see who's laughing after Lily and I—" I broke off as Peter and Brea, who were facing the portrait hole, made frantic slashing motions across their throats.

I looked around to see Lily approaching us. She frowned as she got closer, and when she reached us, she asked suspiciously, "Why do I get the feeling you've all just been talking about me?"

"Probably because we've all just been talking about you," Sirius said pleasantly, ignoring the fierce look I gave him.

She looked around at everyone else, who studiously avoided her gaze, her eyes finally coming to rest on mine. I met her gaze innocently. "For the last time, it's not a date," she said, dropping into an empty chair.

"I—that's not—we weren't talking about that!" I spluttered. My lie was not helped in the least by the others' poorly smothered snorts of laughter.

"Really?" Lily replied. "Now, why don't I believe you?" she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Because no one else is on my side, apparently," I muttered, glaring at everyone else.

"Excuse me, but Brea and I are," Sophie protested. "Well, not at this absolute moment, but about . . . other things," she said.

"What things?" Lily asked slowly, an apprehensive edge to her voice.

"Is it really necessary to continue this discussion?" I cut in. I had brought it up _without _Lily in the room for a reason.

Seeming to suddenly catch on, Lily rounded on her friends. "You think it's a date too?" she asked, her voice rising dangerously.

"I think that, to an outside observer—" Brea began.

"Who cares what an 'outside observer' thinks!" Lily exploded. "Shouldn't my opinion about the matter count more than theirs?"

"Yes, you're absolutely right," I said quickly, before someone else spoke and the situation deteriorated further. "It's not a date, and I promise to never mention it as such again."

"But, you just said—" Peter started, confused. Thankfully, Remus had the foresight to step on his foot to shut him up.

Luckily, Lily didn't seem to notice his partially voice protest. "Okay," she said with a conclusive air. "Good." And with that, she pulled out her Charms homework and began to work.

The rest of us exchanged slightly surprised glances. I, for one, had expected a much worse outcome.

"Huh," Sirius said quietly, and I suspected his thoughts closely mirrored mine. "So, anyone fancy a game of Exploding Snap?"

I wasn't sure why it didn't bother me (too much) that Brea and Sophie considered my invitation to James a date. Obviously, he knew I didn't think of it as one, and I was sure he didn't either, despite what he'd said. He'd always enjoyed angering me, and even though we were technically friends now, I knew old habits died hard. After all, he'd stopped all the annoying flirting and the endless requests that I go out with him, which, I was starting to believe, had merely been means towards a similar end. The whole debate surrounding Slughorn's Christmas party was his way of holding on to the wonderful past we shared (note the sarcasm).

Or at least, that's what I told myself.

As easily as James had let it go, I didn't expect the others to miss out on the opportunity to harass me constantly about it. And they fully lived up to my expectations. Even Sirius and Remus joined the fun, even though, as I'd learned from Brea, they had originally stood firmly on the "non-date" side of things. When James and I excused ourselves at half past seven on December 20th to change for the party, Sirius wolf-whistled, Remus and Peter exchanged grins, and Sophie and Brea started giggling. I ignored them, smiling slightly as I heard James mutter, "Really mature, guys, thanks," as he passed his friends.

Up in my dormitory, I dug around inside my trunk for my dress robes. Sophie had insisted that I buy them, saying the green material matched my eyes, though I secretly thought they made me look slightly like a grasshopper. However, I'd never really cared what I looked like, and tonight was no different. Which is why I was surprised that my heart started beating faster as I pulled the robes over my head. My nervousness increased as I attempted to tame my long red hair into a bun at the back of my head, teasing a few strands free to frame my face, and I spent longer than usual applying my makeup.

I took a couple of deep breaths before leaving the dormitory, trying to calm my fluttering stomach. _What is wrong with me? I mean, we've _definitely _established that this isn't a date or anything, so no pressure, right? Not that I'd be worried if I _was _about to go on a date with James. Which I'd never do, so no point in even debating the matter._ I sighed in frustration. _Get a grip, Lily, _I berated myself.

To my irritation, my heart began beating a sort of drum roll in my chest as I walked over to where my friends were waiting to see us off. James had already rejoined them, though he looked anxious to leave again.

"You kids have fun, now," Sirius said with a smirk as I reached them and James stood up. He was wearing blue dress robes that brought out a hint of blue in his hazel eyes that I'd never noticed before.

"Try and have her back by eleven, young man," Brea added sternly to James, the effect only ruined slightly by the way her lips were twitching. I felt a blush begin to creep up my neck.

"If you can't be good, be safe," Remus quipped.

"AND we're leaving," James said firmly, a dull flush gracing his cheeks as well.

"So, what d'you reckon?" James asked as we emerged from the portrait hole. "Dungbombs in their beds? Or Flobberworms—we did that to Peter once, you should've seen his reaction. Less smelly, too." He turned to look at me.

I wasn't really listening; I was focused on forcing my heart to return to a normal rate and trying not to think about why I was so nervous.

James frowned. "You okay?"

"Yes, why?" I answered, too quickly. I winced, hoping he wouldn't notice.

He didn't. "I just thought you'd have something to say on the matter of revenge."

"No—unlike you, I don't spend the majority of my time developing pranks to pull on people."

"Huh," James said, pretending this was a new concept to him. "Wonder what that's like?" He grinned.

"I'm sure you'd find it very boring," I said, smiling myself.

"I'm sure you're right," James agreed. After a moment of silence, he added, "So, Slughorn probably doesn't expect me to be there tonight."

"Probably not," I answered.

"It'll be interesting to see what he makes of that," James mused.

"I don't understand why he didn't invite you," I said truthfully.

James raised an eyebrow. "It might have had something to do with the fact that I underhandedly berated the whole notion of the Slug Club last time I was there."

I snorted. "True. But it seemed to me like he didn't really notice."

James just shrugged. As we reached the room Slughorn had reserved for the party, he stopped to let me enter first. "After you," he said, waving me in with a little bow.

I entered to find the room elaborately decorated, with Christmas trees in all four corners, Chinese lanterns floating magically near the ceiling, and a table laden with food along the far wall. About half of the guests had already arrived, and Slughorn was chatting with a tall man in elaborate dress robes that I didn't recognize. He looked around at James's and my appearance, and immediately came over to us, his face registering only slight surprise at James's presence.

"Miss Evans, Mr. Potter," he exclaimed, beaming at us. "There's someone I'd love for you to meet—I think he'll be particularly interested in you, Mr. Potter," he added, leading the way back to the man he'd been talking to when we arrived.

James raised his eyebrows at me. "It's like he knew I was coming," he muttered.

I shrugged, surprised myself. But as the man turned when we reached him, I saw James's face light up with recognition.

"James!" he boomed before Slughorn could even say a word, "How are you?" He shook James's hand firmly.

"Doing well, sir," James answered with a grin. "How are you?"

"Fine, fine," the man answered. "How's your old father these days?"

"Good, as far as I know. Though I think he'd resent you calling him old."

The man laughed. "What he doesn't hear can't hurt him, though, am I right?" His eyes flicked towards me, as though he'd only just realized I was there. "And who is this lovely young lady?" he asked.

I reddened slightly as Slughorn opened his mouth to reply. James beat him to it, however. "Lily Evans," he said, smiling reassuringly at me. "Lily, this is George Marshall—he used to work with my father at the Ministry."

Marshall shook my hand, smiling kindly at me. "Pleasure to meet you, Miss Evans." He turned back to James. "It's about time you found yourself a nice young woman, James," he said with a wink.

"Oh, she's not—that is, we're not dating," James explained quickly.

Marshall raised an eyebrow. "Oh? My apologies. Well, at any rate—"

Unused to being ignored for so long, Slughorn interrupted, "Marshall, have I introduced you to Mr. Trigvy yet?"

As the two of them walked away, James turned to me. "Sorry," he said.

"It's fine," I assured him. "Apparently we make a very convincing couple," I added jokingly. _Oh my God, am I _flirting _with him?_

"Yeah, who knew?" James said lightly. Suddenly, his eyes widened and a smile spread across his face. "No way," he said.

"What?"

He pointed behind me, and I turned to see that Chelsea and Chloe Harte had, unbelievingly, come with a pair of Hufflepuff twins as dates. James seemed to find this extremely amusing, and we spent the better part of an hour talking with the four of them, James teasingly asking them whether Hogwarts had a secret twin society. I, frankly, was glad for the distraction, as I was fairly convinced that I was losing my mind. After all my protests that this wasn't a date, what do I go and do? Almost instantly imply that it is one.

A more interesting distraction soon arrived in the form of Regulus Black. Interrupting our conversation with the Hartes and their dates, Regulus said sarcastically, "Potter, so glad Slughorn invited you to this as well."

"Actually, he didn't," James said pleasantly. "But Lily here was kind enough to."

Regulus spared me a swift, disdainful look. It didn't bother me—I was used to his disregard for me by now. Besides, considering the type of person he was, I think I'd be more horrified if he _did _like me.

Black smiled sweetly at James. "I guess your family isn't rich enough to buy you a place in the Slug Club," he sneered.

"No, I suppose not," James said sadly. "I'll have to find a way to carry on."

"Or you'll just have to hope the Mudblood continues to take pity on you," Regulus said with another depreciatory glance at me.

James's face hardened. "Watch your mouth, Black," he warned.

Regulus turned to me. "Yeah, I bet you're hoping that if you put out, he'll—"

Without warning, James slammed his fist into the side of Regulus's face. He stumbled back, cursing, and before he could recover, before anyone really realized what had happened, James spun around and strode from the room. Regulus started after him with a growl, but I pulled out my wand, yelled "_Petrificus totalus_!," and was gone from the room before he hit the floor.

**Chapter 16: Don't Kiss and Tell**

I was shaking with anger. I was surprised I'd been able to leave the room without killing Black—though I knew I risked getting in trouble with the little I _had_ done to him. I hoped Lily would defend me. I stopped suddenly, realizing I probably shouldn't have just left her there. What if Regulus—

"James, wait up!" I turned, surprised to find Lily running towards me. "Are you okay?" she asked as she reached me, and I almost laughed at the ridiculousness of the question. "Not really," I said shortly, immediately regretting it as Lily looked away, embarrassed. "Are _you _okay?" I asked more gently. "I mean, that was—what he said—" I broke off, feeling my rage boiling to the surface again.

Lily shrugged. "I've had worse," she said.

"Really?" I asked in disbelief.

"Well, no, but it's only Regulus. What did you expect?"

_Not that. _I was appalled at how lightly she was taking this. Suddenly, I felt ashamed for reacting as I had. I also realized that my hand hurt quite a lot from punching Regulus. "Ouch," I muttered absently, rubbing it.

Lily frowned. "Let me see that," she demanded, grabbing my hand. My heart leaped into my throat at her touch, and I cast around for a distracting topic. My thoughts immediately alighted on the disturbing possibility that Regulus could follow us out here. "Uh, maybe we should keep going, you know, in case Regulus—"

"Oh, don't worry, I took care of him," Lily cut in smoothly, a slight smile on her lips. I raised my eyebrows questioningly, but Lily didn't explain further. "There," she said finally, letting go of my hand and stowing her wand in her robes. I hadn't even noticed her take it out. "How's that feel?"

A coolness had spread through my hand, and it was no longer throbbing. "Great," I said gratefully. "Thanks. Where did you learn that?"

Lily looked away again. "From Severus," she murmured.

"Right," I said, wishing I hadn't asked.

"So," Lily said, with an air of wanting to change the subject, "Do you want to go back to the common room?"

"Er, no, not really," I replied. I didn't feel like explaining to everyone why we were back early. "But you can, if you want," I added, mentally crossing my fingers that she didn't. I was afraid that if she left, there would be nothing stopping me from marching right back and finishing Regulus off.

As though she sensed this, Lily said, "No, that's okay; I think I'd better stay with you so you don't hurt yourself." She smiled slightly.

"I'm not the one you have to worry about," I muttered darkly.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Come on," she said, pulling me out of the Great Hall.

"You know, I'm still kind of concerned about how lightly you're taking this," I commented as we started up the grand staircase in the Entrance Hall.

Lily turned around so fast that I nearly ran into her. "Of course I'm upset about it," she said, frowning. "But you seemed to be angry enough for the both of us."

I held up my hands. "Alright, alright, sorry."

Lily sighed. "Let's just—I'm just trying not to think about it."

"That seems to be your strategy for everything," I muttered before I could stop myself, thinking about what she'd said in Hogsmeade about wishing she'd never found out Snape was a Death Eater.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily demanded, though I'd bet she had a pretty good idea what I was referring to.

"Nothing." I tried to continue up the stairs, but Lily grabbed my arm, forcing me to face her.

"You have no idea what it's like!" she said angrily, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "He was my best friend."

I held her gaze for a moment, then said quietly, "I know." Guilt made my stomach clench uncomfortably.

Lily brushed past me. I remained where I was for a few seconds before turning to follow her. As I fell into step beside her, she didn't acknowledge my presence, but she didn't push me away either. I suddenly felt the need to explain myself with regards to Snape, but I wasn't sure now would be a good time. Then again, who knew if I'd ever get up the courage to do it again. Taking a deep breath, I said, "You asked me a while ago why I started hating Snape, and I couldn't answer you. Which makes what I've done to him over the years even more detestable."

"Look, James, I'm sorry for yelling at you—you don't have to—" Lily began, and I was relieved to find she didn't seem angry anymore.  
"No, let me finish," I insisted. She stopped, turning to face me. After a short pause, she nodded. "It was never a fair fight, when Sirius and I—and occasionally Remus and Peter as well—ganged up on him," I continued. "I know he deserved some of it, especially in retrospect, and it's not like he took it all lying down. But most of it we just did for—for sport, or to boost our egos, or . . . I didn't even really know why, sometimes." I swallowed, knowing the next part would be the hardest to say. "And that day by the lake"—I knew Lily would be in no doubt what day I was referring to—"if I hadn't provoked him, he might never have said—"

Lily actually put her hand over my lips to silence me, shaking her head. Her fingers made my lips tingle, so that I had to work to concentrate on what she said next. "You only made him reveal his true colors earlier than he intended," she said, lowering her hand. "We'd been growing apart before then, anyway—the break would have happened eventually," she finished with a sad smile.

I looked down, then forced myself to meet her eyes. "Well, like you said, he was your best friend. And even though I didn't—don't—understand exactly how or why, I still shouldn't have . . . I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry."

Lily got an odd, almost fiery look in her eyes, and before I knew what was happening, she stretched up on her toes, placed a hand behind my head, and pressed her lips to mine.

My brain exploded. I couldn't think, I could only focus on the fact that LILY EVANS WAS KISSING ME! _Okay, calm down, _I ordered myself. _Just try and focus, and don't mess it up. _I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer . . . and, just as suddenly as it began, it was over; Lily placed her hands on my chest and pushed herself away. Our lips separated with an odd smacking sound that would have been funny if I hadn't been so confused.

"I—I can't—I have to go," Lily said, turning and running up the corridor, leaving me wondering what the bloody hell had just happened.

I ran as though a horde of blood-thirsty giants were after me, hurling blindly up staircases and ducking through tapestries until I'd lost track of exactly where I was. I burst into an empty classroom, causing the door to bang against the wall in my haste. Not bothering to close it, I sank down against the opposite wall, breathing hard and trying to make sense of what had just happened, though I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to.

One thing was certain—I had officially passed beyond the border from sane to crazy. Other than that, I couldn't gain control over my thoughts or emotions. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, scream, or throw up. Or perhaps all four, and not necessarily in that order.

After a few minutes of pure panic, I finally settled down enough to examine my thoughts on the situation. And what I found wasn't pretty. I didn't know what had possessed me; I wasn't sure I even recognized myself anymore, because the me that I knew would never kiss James Potter. How could I agonize over the idea of friendship with him for a week, and then just plant one on him without a second thought? I absolutely could not begin to explain my actions. Or rather, _re_actions, since what James had said seemed to have generated my insanity. He'd apologized for triggering the event that had put the final wedge between Severus and I, something I _had _blamed him for, at first. But then, as I'd told James mere minutes ago, I'd realized that it wasn't his fault at all; he hadn't made Severus call me a Mudblood. So, although James's apology hadn't been necessary, that was no reason for me to _kiss _him, for Merlin's sake. He'd just looked so—so sincerely regretful, a side of him I'd never seen before. I knew what it must have taken for him to apologize to me . . . _but that's still no reason for you to go and kiss the bloke! _I chided myself.

I drew my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead against them. My head snapped up almost immediately, however, as a new horrifying thought hit me. _I'll have to face James again._ Although it seemed silly for me to forget something as obvious as this, I hadn't actually considered what it would be like to see James after what had just happened. I honestly didn't think I could do it. _Well, at least I can probably avoid seeing him before I leave for the Christmas holidays. I'm taking the early train tomorrow—thank God James always takes the later one—and I can just stay here until it's late and everyone is in bed. Unless James waits up for me. _I immediately pushed this disturbing idea away, returning to my earlier train of thought. _Plus, if I go back late, I won't have to face Brea or Sophie, either. _I definitely didn't want to share my latest encounter with James with anyone. In fact, I seriously considered taking the secret to my grave. _Of course, that won't stop James from telling anyone. _But this thought didn't alarm me nearly as much as the idea of telling people myself.

I knew I was being cowardly, but I didn't really care. I just wanted to last through tomorrow without running into James so I could get home, where I wouldn't have to think about it for two weeks. _Maybe James is right, _I mused, _maybe ignoring things _is _my method of operation._

The common room had been blessedly empty when I'd returned last night, and it was still empty when I hurried across it the next morning on my way to breakfast. However, that was apparently as far as luck was willing to stick with me, because as I was leaving the Great Hall after a hasty breakfast, I ran smack into Sirius. He steadied me as I stumbled, grinning.

"Watch yourself, Lily," he said.

"Sor—" I began, my voice freezing in my throat when I saw that he wasn't alone. James was standing behind him, his face carefully blank. As our eyes met, something flashed through his eyes, but it was gone so quickly that I wondered if I had imagined it. _Is he just going to pretend nothing happened? _I hardly dared hope so. I quickly returned my gaze to Sirius, not quite brave enough to continue looking at James.

Trying to keep my voice casual, I asked, "Er—what are you doing up so early?"

"We're taking the early train back," Sirius answered. _Oh perfect. _Sirius's lips twitched slightly, as though he found the situation highly amusing. I wondered if James had told him what happened last night. "So, I guess we'll see you there?" he continued.

"Yeah, see you," I muttered. And just when I thought I'd gotten away free . . .

"And if you get a moment, I'd like to talk about that kiss!" James called after me.

My stomach turned over unpleasantly, but I forced myself to keep walking. _Guess he's not ignoring it after all, _I thought grimly._ And I suppose that answers the question of whether Sirius knows._

Trying not to panic about having to spend several hours on a train with James, during which we'd probably have to discuss last night, I finished packing and retraced my steps back to the Entrance Hall. Though I knew everyone was usually herded down as a group to Hogsmeade station, I asked McGonagall if I could head there early, making up an excuse about wanting to pick up some Christmas shopping I'd done on an earlier Hogsmeade weekend.

"Yes, that should be fine, Miss Evans," she said, a slight frown between her eyes. "But remember that the train leaves at exactly 8 o'clock."

"Right. Thanks, Professor." I hurried out of the front doors, shivering as a blast of icy wind hit me. _At least one more James-free hour, _I reassured myself as I walked.

However, I discovered that waiting only made my anxiety worse. I'd gotten on the train when I'd arrived in Hogsmeade station, but I'd been so jittery that I almost immediately got off and actually did wander around in the nearby wizarding village until it was time to leave. Shortly after the train started moving, I decided I couldn't stand it anymore—I just wanted to get it over with. But as I stood up to go find James, he appeared outside my compartment. To my dismay, heat rushed to my face at the sight of him.

"Can I come in?" he asked, poking his head inside. It sounded like he was making a huge effort to keep his voice light.

I nodded, not trusting my voice. James slid the door shut behind him, and I suddenly wished we had more space between us than the small compartment allowed. I backed up almost against the window and crossed my arms, looking at James warily. Thankfully, he didn't try and come any closer, but hovered near the door. I was comforted slightly by the fact that he looked as nervous as I felt.

James cleared his throat. "So . . ." he began.

"Listen," I cut in swiftly, "I—I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to—that is, I don't know why—it was a mistake." I winced slightly as these last words left my mouth and a hurt look flashed through James's eyes.

However, when he spoke, his voice was surprisingly friendly, though the quick smile he flashed me didn't quite reach his eyes. "So, you want to just pretend it never happened?"

Relief filled me. "Yes—but haven't you already told—"

"They'll forget about it too, if I ask them," James assured me.

_Them?! How many people had he told?_ But I didn't relish prolonging this awkward conversation, so I merely said, "Okay."

"Have a good Christmas," James said, before ducking back into the corridor.

"Thanks," I replied, and I wasn't just responding to the Christmas wishes.

The conversation had gone better than I could ever have expected. So why did I feel so awful?

**Chapter 17: Rejection and Revulsion**

My insides, which had been writhing like snakes a moment earlier, now felt as though they were full of lead. Not relishing the thought of returning to the compartment I was sharing with Sirius, I ducked into the first empty one I came to.

_"It was a mistake," _Lily's voice echoed in my head, and suddenly I was angry. _Who accidentally kisses someone? _I had half a mind to march right back and demand that she explain herself further. I had actually risen to my feet before the logical part of my brain told me that would be pointless. She'd obviously been extremely uncomfortable with the whole situation—if she'd honestly wanted to kiss me, she wouldn't be so worked up about it now. I sank back onto the seat, my lips tingling slightly at the memory of last night. I'd been perfectly and incandescently happy for the space of about ten seconds, and then . . . but I still hadn't felt as completely hopeless as I did now.

I didn't really remember walking back to the common room. Sophie and Brea had gone to bed early, which had vaguely surprised me—I'd assumed they would be waiting for Lily and I to return. Nevertheless, I'd been grateful they weren't there. The instant Remus, Sirius, and Peter saw me, they asked me what was wrong. I started with the Regulus situation, which, unforeseeably, had become the less distressing of the two events that night. Of course, Sirius was delighted to learn that I had punched his miserable brother in the face, and no one really seemed interested in his insults to Lily, to my chagrin. But before I could chide them for being so insensitive, Remus—always the most observant of us—asked me what was really bothering me. Darn him.

When I finally managed to tell them that Lily kissed me—leaving out the conversation leading up to the kiss—Sirius and Remus both yelled in triumph and surprise, Sirius actually leaping out of his chair, while Peter fell out of his in shock.

"But why is that upsetting?" Remus asked, once he calmed down enough.

"Because . . ." and I explained what had happened in the aftermath.

Sirius frowned. "That's weird."

Both of us looked at Remus for his analysis of the situation. "Don't look at me, I can't explain it," he said.

"Why can't you be insightful when I need it?" I muttered.

Remus laughed shortly. "Right, because I should know how to handle the situation based on all my experience with girls," he replied sarcastically.

"I'm sure if you just talked to her . . ." Peter offered, trying to be helpful.

And look where that had landed me.

I ran my hand impatiently through my hair, trying to see how I could fix the mess I was currently in. I refused to believe that had been my only chance with Lily—hell, I hadn't even initiated it! I stood abruptly, ready to rejoin Sirius, if only to bounce ideas off him.

He looked up warily as I entered. "So?"

I threw myself into the seat across from him with a sigh. I shook my head. "She called it a mistake," I said, the last word tasting bitter as it left my mouth.

"Bad luck, mate," Sirius said, not soundly particularly sympathetic.

I glared at him. "You know, you could show a little more sincerity."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Come on, Prongs, it's not the end of the world."

"Not—you know I've liked her since—since I don't even remember!"

"Okay, okay, sorry. But it's not like you didn't think rejection was a possibility. I mean, she _did _hate you for the better part of six years."

I jumped up, pulling my wand from my pocket as I did so.

Sirius looked calmly up at me. "We both know you're not going to hex me, so just sit down."

I continued to glare at him for a few seconds, breathing deeply, before my mind caught up with my actions and I realized that there was absolutely no reason for me to be pointing my wand at my best friend. "Sorry," I mumbled as I flopped down on the seat once more. "It's just, we were friends, Slughorn's party _was _a date—I don't care what Lily says—and then . . . I don't understand it." I squeezed my eyes shut briefly, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. When I opened them, I found Sirius looking at me with an uncharacteristically grim look on his face.

"Look, James," he began, and I knew he was serious, because he never called me James, "you can't force her to like you, or want to date you, or whatever. That's just not how it works."

"I know," I said in a defeated tone.

"So maybe . . . it's time to move on," Sirius continued hesitantly.

I nodded. He was probably right. But . . .suddenly, a thought occurred to me. "What do you think of Sophie?"

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, suddenly on guard, as though he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't.

Barely wondering at his strange reaction, I plunged on. "I mean, she's cool; I wouldn't mind dating her. And then maybe Lily—" I broke off as Sirius's face hardened.

"Did you not hear what I just said! Lily obviously doesn't want a relationship with you, for one reason or another. Besides, do you hear yourself? You want to use Sophie to make Lily jealous? That's not fair."

I looked at him in some surprise. It wasn't like Sirius to come to someone's defense like that. Or to be so insightful about relationships. Because he was right, that wasn't fair to Sophie. "Alright, you win. I'll drop it," I said, with absolutely no intention of doing so. I felt bad about lying, but I could see I wasn't going to get anywhere if I tried to continue the discussion.

"Good," Sirius said, turning to look out of the window. We rode the rest of the way in silence. I continued to brood over Lily, despite my efforts to push it from my mind. I couldn't help returning to the Sophie Solution, as I'd dubbed it. I mean, if she was in on it—and I was pretty sure she'd be happy to be; I hadn't forgotten Hogsmeade—that would be alright, wouldn't it?

As we neared King's Cross Station, Sirius said, "Just so you know, I _am _sorry about Lily. I just think you shouldn't beat yourself up too much about it."

I smiled at him briefly. "Yeah, I know."

He clapped me on the shoulder as we made our way off the train. I scanned the platform for Lily, just catching the flash of her red hair as she disappeared through the enchanted barrier.

I was trying to remind myself why I'd wanted to come home.

My parents had picked me up from the train station, and I'd enjoyed a nice chat with them on the way back to the house. We'd talked about completely mundane things, but it had been a nice distraction from the events of actual import that had happened so far this year. Luckily, being Muggles, my parents were fascinated by the things I found boring and routine, so they didn't suspect that I was hiding anything. Unfortunately, they also _conveniently _forgot to tell me that Petunia's awful boyfriend was staying with us for the holidays. I was completely blindsided when I entered the house to find the two of them sitting on the couch in the living room—for a moment, all I could do was stare in horror.

I absolutely hated . . . Vernon, that was his name—Merlin, what an awful name, too. He was dull and so traditionally Muggle—I know, that sounds hypocritical, but it was true. Of course, that was why he was perfect for my sister. What had started out as jealousy that I was a witch and she was not had hardened to cold disdain for all things magical. Both she and Vernon shared a resentment of me because of what I was.

Case in point: "How's the freak school," Petunia said evenly, after a few seconds of silence. My parents were still out unloading my things, which is why she could get away with such a biting comment. They still held out hope that we could get along, bless them, though I'd long ago forgotten what it was like to have Petunia as a sister and friend.

"Wonderful, thanks for asking," I said with mock politeness. "I'm glad this is still working out," I added sweetly, gesturing to her and Vernon. "I was afraid you'd never find someone as . . . right for you, Tuny."

My sister arched a supercilious brow. "Yes, it is nice not to be perpetually single—I think I'd die of shame."

She smiled smugly at the look on my face. However, she couldn't know that it had little to do with the comment itself—I didn't need a man in my life, thank you very much. For some reason, her words had brought James Potter to mind. _So much for not thinking about him for two weeks, _I thought as my parents finally entered the house and I turned to bring my things up to my room. Since Petunia and Vernon still had a clear view of the hallway, I made a deliberate show of waving my wand to levitate my trunk up the stairs. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them both recoil slightly, and I enjoyed their reaction far more than I should.

The real kicker came on Christmas morning. It started off normally—I loved Christmas, so it always caused me to feel more cheerful towards everyone around. However, Tuny's last present, from Vernon, turned out to be . . . an engagement ring. Yes, that's right, my sister was engaged to Mr. Horrible. And he had to ruin Christmas to do it. Naturally, my parents and sister tweaked out, and amidst all the hugging and high pitched giggling (on the part of my mother and Petunia), I was able to slip from the room, grab my coat, and leave the house.

I couldn't believe it. I mean, I suppose I should have seen it coming—hadn't I been the one to comment about her luck in finding someone willing to date her? But married! I would actually be _related _to Vernon. Ew.

Contemplating this disturbing thought, I hadn't really noticed where I was going, and was surprised to find that my feet had led me to the park Petunia and I used to play at when we were kids. It had special significance for me—this was the place where I'd first been told I was a witch. Sitting on one of the old, creaky swings, I smiled at the memory, now slightly bittersweet, as Severus had been the one to tell me. However, if I focused on the scrawny, awkward boy he had been and not the calculating, hardened man he had become, I could almost recall the event as entirely happy.

Of course, I had taken offense at first; the word witch had negative connotations in the Muggle world. However, further explanation had made me realize that it wasn't horrible at all, and that I was actually a part of a secret, hidden world. At first, I'd tried to play it off as no big deal for Tuny's sake. But inside, I was overjoyed. I'd never really felt like I fit in with my peers or even my family. I could _do _things, things I couldn't explain, and while I thought it was fascinating, everyone else had treated me with wary suspicion. I had never dreamed that what I could do was magic, but when I learned that it was, I wondered how the thought had never occurred to me before.

I sighed, knowing I should probably head back to the house. Reluctantly, I levered myself off the swing and slowly retraced my steps.

"Lily, where have you been!" my mother demanded as I walked through the front door.

_You'd think I'd been gone for hours, _I thought, annoyed. "Just fancied a walk," I answered, knowing she wouldn't buy a word of it.

My mother narrowed her eyes. ("You're sister's getting engaged, and you're sitting here watching some skinhead boy!" "Mum, it's Beckham's corner!") "Your sister just got engaged." _No need to remind me._ "Aren't you happy for her?"

"No," I replied sullenly.

"Lily Marie Evans," my mother started, and I winced at the use of my full name, "you march right in there and tell your sister congratulations!" She thrust a finger towards the living room.

My father, Petunia, and Vernon were all chattering happily, but they stopped abruptly as I entered the room.

"Congratulations," I said frostily. I knew I was behaving like a child, but I didn't care. Luckily, my mother seemed to deem my response acceptable, and the cheerful conversation resumed.

When I didn't think I could stand it any longer, I mumbled something about not feeling well and escaped to my room. Unfortunately, it was far too quiet up there, and I soon found my thoughts drifting unwillingly towards James. I couldn't seem to banish the dark, guarded look in his eyes on the train from my mind. I wasn't an idiot—I knew I'd hurt him, though he'd tried not to show it. Which only made me feel worse. Because I'd realized that I actually enjoyed having him as a friend. At first, I'd been wary, afraid that he still fancied me, but I'd quickly convinced myself that he'd moved on. Of course, deep down I'd known that he hadn't, and now I was afraid that I'd ruined everything. So, scratch that—I am an idiot.

These thoughts actually _were _starting to make me feel slightly queasy, so I forced myself to think of other things. Sophie had planned to go skiing with Brea's family—her father was a Muggle—for the holidays, and a smile spread across my face as I pictured Soph flying uncontrollably down the slopes. Slowly, my mind relaxed, and I slipped into a doze.

_I jump to my feet, panicked, as the front door swings open. Someone shoves me out of the room._

_ "Lily, it's him! Run!"_

_ I try to get a look at the stranger as he turns away, but I only get a vague impression of a face before he's gone._

_ In the hallway, laughter echoes off the walls, and I'm suddenly aware of a baby crying somewhere in the house. Somehow, I know the man in the hallway has come for the child. As I turn to find it, I catch a flash of green light out of the corner of my eyes. A tall figure enters the room, and I freeze in horror, unable to tear my eyes away from a face that isn't quite human . . ._

I just managed not to scream as I jolted awake. The room was dark; peering at the clock beside my bed, I saw that it was just past midnight. I tried to remember the dream, but it was quickly slipping away. _Why do I keep having these dreams? _I wondered. I'd never really had a nightmare before—and definitely not a recurring one. Despite the fact that I knew it was just a dream, it still made me slightly anxious. As I lay back in bed, trying to calm my pounding heart, I suddenly realized that I recognized the voice of the stranger in my dream. James Potter. _God, I can't even keep him out of my subconscious, _I thought ruefully.

**Chapter 18: (Un)Happy Christmas**

"James!" my mother cried in delight as Sirius, my father, and I piled out of the car. My father had borrowed it from the Ministry for the day.

"Hey mum," I said, smiling as I hugged her and let her plant a kiss on my cheek.

"And Sirius, lovely to see you as well, dear," she added, bestowing a hug upon him as well.

"Thanks Mrs. Potter," Sirius said.

He'd been living at my house during summers and holidays since our fifth year. Normally, I loved having him—he was like the brother I never had—but this time I'd have to carefully avoid mentioning Lily in his presence, something I had a feeling would prove difficult. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't get her off my mind. I still refused to accept the fact that I'd come so close only to have it all taken away in an instant. Not to mention I still didn't fully understand what had happened.

"I'm just so confused," I complained to Sirius later that night. I was lying on my bed, arms crossed behind my head. Sirius, lounging in the chair by the window, turned to me in annoyance.

"I thought you weren't going to talk about this anymore."

"Yeah, I know, but I can't stop thinking about it. And can't you give me this one? I mean, girls talk about this kind of stuff all the time."

"Yes, and the last time I checked, we weren't girls," Sirius grumbled.

I turned my head to the side, giving him an exasperated look. "Well, thanks for clearing that up."

"What do you want me to say? I don't understand it any more than you do. Personally, I think Lily is barking—if I _were _a girl, I'd jump at the chance to date you." He smirked slightly.

"Thanks . . . I think."

"I don't know, Prongs," Sirius sighed. "I mean, she was pretty freaked out about the friendship thing at first, wasn't she?"

"Yeah, but not like this. And the especially confusing thing about it is that _she _kissed _me_."

"Well, maybe she'll snap out of it—come to her senses, you know?"

"Maybe . . ." I said doubtfully. Suddenly, I frowned at him. "Since when are you a fount of good advice?"

Sirius shrugged, feigning modesty.

I returned my gaze to the ceiling. "Because it's kind of freaking me out."

"You started this conversation," Sirius pointed out.

Christmas morning started off pleasant enough. Mum cooked a huge breakfast, as was tradition, and we opened presents afterwards, unable to conceive of doing anything more rigorous until our digestive systems kicked in. My parents got me a set of dark green dress robes and a N.E.W.T. study book—parents will be parents. Sirius, Remus, and Peter had chipped in to get me all new Quidditch gear, including a custom-made captain's uniform, with "Potter" emblazoned on the back and "Prongs" written in smaller font on the left sleeve.

I rolled my eyes when I saw this, but couldn't help smiling. "Thanks, mate."

"No problem."

To my surprise, Sophie and Brea had gone together to get me a book on the English Quidditch team and a huge box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, my favorite candy. "How did they know?" I asked, slightly taken aback.

"Sophie asked me," Sirius admitted.

We exchanged glances, both of us silently contemplating the absence of a gift from Lily. Granted, I hadn't gotten her anything, but she must have known about Brea and Sophie's gift, and—my stomach swooped sickly—the incident following Slughorn's party had happened the night of the last day of classes. Which meant she probably hadn't been planning on getting me anything anyway.

Sirius and I filled the afternoon with one-a-side Quidditch and an intense snowball fight, which provided me with a sufficient distraction from thoughts of Lily (probably Sirius's intention). When we finally came in for dinner, both of us were starving.

"Smells good, Mrs. Potter," Sirius said, inhaling deeply as we entered the kitchen to see if we could help with anything.

"Thank you, Sirius," my mother answered. "Could you two set the table, please?"

As we sat down for dinner, my father asked Sirius, "So, any ideas what you're going to do next year?"

Sirius cleared his throat. "Er, no, not really," he admitted sheepishly.

My father smiled. "No? Just like my layabout son here, then," he said jokingly. "You know, when I was your age, I'd already decided exactly what I wanted to do—I even shadowed one of my father's employees at the Ministry over the Christmas holidays." My grandfather had been head of the Department of International Magical Cooperation when my father had started out.

"We know, dad," I said wearily. Since last summer, he'd been asking me repeatedly what my plans were for after school. I knew he wanted me to work in the Ministry, but I would go insane if I had to be stuck in an office all day.

"I'm just saying there's no harm in thinking about it early. You only have a few months of school left," he said, a little more sternly.

"George, just let the boys eat," my mother said placatingly.

"I don't mean to pressure you," my father said. _Yeah right,_ I thought silently. "If you want, I could invite Marshall over for dinner sometime this week and you can pick his brain. Or—"

"I've already told you, I don't want to work in the Ministry," I said, my voice slightly clipped.

"And I've told you that you shouldn't dismiss the idea until you know what it's like."

"I know what it's like," I said before I could stop myself. "A whole hell of a lot of doing nothing."

"James!" my mother scolded. I ignored her.

My father slowly lowered his utensils. "Is that what you think?" he asked, his voice dangerously quiet.

"Yeah, that's what I think," I shot back defiantly. "I'd rather be doing something useful, like working with the Order of the Phoenix to fight Voldemort."

"Don't use that name in this house, young man," my father commanded.

I snorted. "Yeah, that explains why you aren't in the Order," I scoffed, knowing full well I should just shut up. But I couldn't help it; my frustration with Lily had short-circuited my temper so that it was constantly boiling just under the surface. "You're too cowardly to—"

With a bang, my father's chair hit the floor as he stood abruptly. For one wild moment, I thought he was going to hit me. Instead, he said in a deadly voice, "Leave this table. Now."

"Gladly," I muttered, shoving myself back from the table and striding from the room. Hurtling into my bedroom, I slammed the door behind me, crossing to stare out of the window, anger coursing through my veins. I whirled around when I heard the door open, relieved to see it was only Sirius.

He grinned hesitantly. "Now, don't go and get kicked out of _your_ house, or I'll really be in trouble," he said. His smile slid from his face at the fierce look I shot him. "Right, not funny. Sorry."

Needless to say, the rest of Christmas break wasn't a pleasant affair. I spent most of it avoiding my parents, and was glad when January third finally rolled around. Frosty farewells were exchanged, and Sirius and I Apparated to King's Cross in order to avoid extra time in my parents' presence.

We stowed our luggage and boarded the train. A couple of minutes later, I saw Lily pass our compartment. She hadn't seemed to notice us inside. After a moment of debate, I poked my head out of the sliding door and called after her.

"Lily!" She turned, her eyes slightly guarded. "Want to sit with us?"

After a second's hesitation, she replied, "Sure," and started back towards us.

I pulled my head back inside to find Sirius looking at me with raised eyebrows.

"I know—I'm a masochist," I said resignedly.

Lily shot me a small, shy smile as she sat down across from me, Sirius scooting down to give her room.

I took a steadying breath. _Okay, you can do this._

_Okay, you can do this, _I told myself as I settled into the seat across from James. _It doesn't have to be awkward unless you make it so._

"So, did you two have a good Christmas?" I asked them, hoping my voice sounded normal.

James's jaw tightened, and Sirius hurriedly said, "Don't ask."

_Strike one. _I tried not to consider the possibility that I had something to do with that."Right. Sorry. Well, if it makes you feel any better, my horrible sister got engaged to a horrible man, so my Christmas was . . ."

"Horrible?" James asked, the left corner of his mouth twitching up.

"Yes," I agreed emphatically. "He's dull, and close-minded, and just so . . . so . . . _Muggle_! And I realize that sounds prejudiced, but . . . I've never met anyone less open to the idea of magic, or anything 'abnormal.' Except perhaps my sister. Which I guess is why they're perfect for each other." I realized I was babbling, and blushed slightly.

"Yep, I think I win," James said, stretching his legs to rest them on the seat between Sirius and I. "Not to undermine your troubles, of course," he assured me.

I smiled. "Of course." I hesitated, wanting to ask him what had happened, but not sure it was really my place to do so.

"I called my dad a lazy, cowardly, good-for-nothing," he said abruptly.

"Really?" I asked, surprised. For some reason, I'd always imagined that James got on with his parents.

"Well, not in exactly those words, but basically, yes," Sirius answered.

"I did call him a coward," James countered.

"Why?" I asked, though not accusingly.

James sighed. "Well, he wants me to work in the Ministry after I'm done at Hogwarts, but I'd rather jump off a cliff than work in a cubicle for the rest of my life. So I—er—implied that his job is useless, and called him a coward for not doing anything in the war against Voldemort."

I sat back in my seat, slightly stunned. "Wow," I said, half-laughing with incredulity.

"Yeah," James said, grimacing slightly.

After a few beats of silence, Sirius announced that he was going to search out the lady with the food cart and see if he could sweet talk her into selling him something before lunch.

"Now?" James asked, almost pleadingly. _I'll bet he's hoping Sirius will stay, as a sort of buffer between us,_ I thought, probably because I was hoping the same thing.

"Yeah, I'm starving," Sirius insisted, kicking at James's legs.

James lowered them, pushing himself up straighter in his seat.

As soon as the compartment door slid shut behind Sirius, the tension in the air rose perceptibly. James quickly looked out of the window; I dropped my gaze to my feet. The silence was almost suffocating, and I blame that for what I said next.

"I had a dream about you on Christmas," I blurted out, barely resisting the urge to clap my hand over my mouth after the words had escaped.

James's head whipped around so fast, it was a wonder he didn't give himself whiplash. "What?" he asked, completely taken aback.

"Er, yeah, it was weird . . ." And I proceeded to tell him about my dream, as well as the two preceding it.

James merely stared at me for a second after I finished. I felt heat creeping up my neck and into my face. "So, you have a recurring dream where a strange man breaks into your house, you try and save a baby, and I die?" he asked slowly, his eyebrows meeting in the middle of his forehead.

I couldn't help but smile—it sounded pretty ridiculous when he summarized it like that. "Yeah, well, I warned you it was weird. So, any thoughts?"

"I should sleep with one eye open and you should avoid babies at all costs?" he suggested.

I laughed, and James cracked a small smile.

"Okay, good, I'm glad you think there's no reason to be worried."

"Why, were you?" James asked, almost teasingly.

"Yes, a little," I said defensively. "I mean, I've never had a recurring dream like this before, and it seems like a little more is added each time, like as soon as I finally have all the pieces, it's going to happen for real."

James raised an eyebrow. "No, I think you're just paranoid," he said.

I kicked him lightly. "They _are _scary, when you're the one dreaming them," I protested.

"Hey, I'm the one dying in them," James argued.

"I know, that's the scariest part," I said.

James looked at me sharply, the intensity of his gaze causing me to blush again. _Well, that's not strange—just because I don't want him dead doesn't mean I fancy him or anything,_ I thought defiantly, forcing myself not to look away.

Luckily, at that moment Sirius reappeared, distracting us with the enormous pile of food he dumped onto the seat beside James.

"What, did you buy the whole cart?" James asked incredulously.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "No. And some of it is for you two," he added, tossing a Cauldron Cake to James.

He caught it and ripped open the wrapper. "Thanks, Padfoot," he said.

"Sure thing."

I grabbed a Cauldron Cake as well, suddenly realizing that I was starving.

**Chapter 19: Doubts and Detentions**

It was torture. Acting normally on the outside around Lily was surprisingly easy, but inside, I was about to self-combust. Or implode. Or something equally dramatic and catastrophic. It was rather pathetic, really. I mean, I actually moped around and brooded about my plight for hours on end. I'm sure I was very boring to be around, but I couldn't help it. And I hated it. I didn't want to admit that a girl could have such an affect on me, because it made me feel vulnerable and weak, but there you have it.

A small part of my tormented mind clung to the hope that Lily was simply in denial, that she really had meant to kiss me, and that all I needed to do was drive her to admit it. And it was that part of my mind that pushed me to corner Sophie after our first Quidditch practice after Christmas.

"Good practice, huh?" she asked as I approached her.

"Yeah, great," I said distractedly. "Listen, I have a huge favor to ask you."

Sophie narrowed her eyes shrewdly. "Does this have anything to do with why you've been acting so uncharacteristically gloomy ever since we got back?"

"Er—yeah, actually, it does," I said, frowning at her suspiciously. "How did you know?"

Sophie shrugged. "Lucky guess. So, what's up?"

I hesitated. I was suddenly getting the feeling that Lily hadn't told her anything about the night of Slughorn's party, an obstacle I hadn't anticipated. "Uh, so the night of the Christmas party . . ." I stopped to gauge Sophie's reaction.

"Yeah, what happened that night? Lily hasn't told us anything! Well, she told us about Regulus, but . . ." she waved an impatient hand—_Why does everyone see that as not a big deal?_—"I know there's something she's deliberately leaving out." She looked at me expectantly.

_Great. Well, I did get myself into this. _"Well, we—er—kissed—"

"WHAT!" Sophie squealed loudly, making me jump. "Why didn't she tell me that?!" She caught sight of the pained look on my face and quickly sobered. "Oh. What happened?" she asked again, more gently.

I told her about the aftermath of the kiss and the incident on the train.

Sophie winced sympathetically. "James, I'm sorry," she said. A small frown creased her brow. "So, what are you hoping I can do about it? Because if that's how she really feels, then—"

"Yeah, but what if it isn't?" I countered, my voice sounding desperate even to my ears. "I can't let it go without at least trying . . . So," I pressed on, "I was thinking we could go to Hogsmeade together this weekend, and . . ." I trailed off, stalling at the concerned look on Sophie's face.

"You want to use me to make her jealous?" she asked, and the pity in her voice was almost worse than if she'd been angry or offended.

"Yes," I said in a small voice, looking at the floor. Grimacing, I met Sophie's eyes again. "I'm a terrible person, aren't I?"

Sophie smiled. "No, just slightly desperate."

"Which is hardly better," I muttered.

Sophie sighed. "I'll do it, if you want," she said. I looked up in surprise. "As long as you realize it's not going to change Lily's feelings for you if she really doesn't fancy you," she added seriously.

I half-smiled at that. "Does that mean you doubt she doesn't, too?"

Sophie smiled again. "I've always doubted it."

"Well, she agreed to it," I muttered to Sirius softy as I sat down. Remus, Sirius, Peter and I were in the back of our Potions classroom, waiting for class to start.

"Who agreed to what?" Peter said, frowning.

Sirius's jaw tightened. "James is under the impression that if he takes Sophie out to Hogsmeade next weekend, Lily will get jealous and realize her undying love for him," he explained to the other two in an exasperated voice.

I glared at him. "I am under no such impression. Just because you don't approve doesn't mean you have to make me sound ridiculous."

"But you _are _being ridiculous!" Sirius protested. He turned to Remus in supplication. "Please tell him he's an idiot."

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to agree with Padfoot on this, Prongs, much as I hate to do that," Remus said apologetically.

"Thank you. Well, not for that last part, that was hurtful," Sirius said, feigning an injured look.

Remus grinned at him. Turning to me, he continued, "You know this probably isn't going to change anything." It wasn't a question.

"Yes, but—"

"And what are you going to do if Sophie decides she wants to actually date you instead of just pretending?" Sirius interrupted.

"What?" I half-laughed. "Okay, now you're the one being ridiculous. She's perfectly aware of my intentions, or rather, lack thereof, and I'm pretty sure she's on my side with the whole Lily thing anyway. Plus, it's one date, what could possibly happen?"

"Yeah, couldn't say that about Slughorn's party, though, could you?" Sirius said. He winced almost immediately after he spoke, catching sight of the stricken look on my face.

"Sorry, that was uncalled for," he mumbled shamefacedly.

"I need new friends," I muttered, only half-joking, as Slughorn entered the room to begin the day's lesson.

"Sorry?" I said, slightly shocked. "I could have sworn you just said you're going to Hogsmeade with James this weekend."

"Probably because that's what I _did _say," Sophie replied, a slightly amused smile playing about her lips.

I, on the other hand, found the situation anything but amusing. "Why?" was all I could manage to say.

"Because I want his opinion on a pair of dress robes I've been looking to buy," Sophie said, rolling her eyes. "Because he asked me, that's why."

To my comfort, Brea looked just as confused as I felt. "But, I thought you . . ." she started slowly, for some reason glancing in my direction. Sophie gave her a warning look, and some sort of unspoken conversation seemed to pass between them before Brea sat back, shrugging.

Normally, I would have demanded that they tell me what they were hiding from me, but at the moment I had more pressing matters on my mind. Like why it was bothering me so much that James had asked Sophie out. Isn't this exactly what I'd asked for? That we just forget about the whole kissing incident? I guess I just hadn't expected him to get over it quite so quickly. In fact, I was a little offended. Was I that easily forgotten?

And then there was Sophie. I knew she'd always thought James was cute, but I'd been under the impression that she had been trying to set me up with him. Wasn't that what our last Hogsmeade trip had been about?

"Sorry, I'm still a little confused," I said. "Correct me if I'm mistaken, but I thought you were trying to get _me_ together with James."

She shrugged. "Not really. I mean, okay, I did think that maybe you two . . . but you weren't that enthusiastic about it, were you?" She reached into her bag for her homework.

"Well, no, but—" I started.

"Look Lily," Sophie cut in, sounding slightly exasperated. "James asked me to go—if you don't get it, why don't you go talk to him about it." Opening her Transfiguration book, Sophie disappeared behind it without another word.

_She was the one who was all giggly about James and me,_ I thought, disgruntled; Sophie's sudden change in attitude greatly irritated me for some reason. Suddenly, I didn't want to be around her anymore.

"I'm going to the library," I announced, swinging my bag over my shoulder and striding from the common room.

I found it extremely difficult to focus—my mind kept returning to Sophie and her inexplicable behavior. All I'd been wondering was why James had so rapidly switched his attentions from me to her, and instead of being just as curious, as I'd expected, Sophie had acted completely indifferent, actually getting annoyed with me when I'd pressed the matter. Something was not adding up.

On the other hand, I had no reason to be angry with her, either. It wasn't like I'd had any claim on James—he was at perfect liberty to date whomever he pleased. I mean, it was good that he'd moved on so quickly, right? I'd been worried that I'd hurt him, or ruined the careful friendship we'd established, but that didn't seem to be the case. I sighed, kneading my temples with my fingers. If it was such a good thing, then why did I have to keep convincing myself of that?

"Lily?" I jumped at the sound of my name, looking up to see James standing on the other side of my table. "You okay?"

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," I said, hoping that saying it would make it true.

"Okay," James said, looking unconvinced. "Uh, can I—" he gestured to the seat across from me.

"Sure," I said, moving my books to give him space at the table. We worked in silence for a few minutes, then I said, "So, I heard you're going with Sophie to Hogsmeade this weekend." I tried to keep my voice casual, interested in how he would react if he thought I didn't care. Which I didn't.

"Yeah," was all he said. I thought he sounded cautious, but I could have just been imagining things.

"And?" I prompted.

"And what?"

"Well, is it serious?"

James grinned hesitantly. "How'm I supposed to know? We haven't even gone out yet."

"Right, of course." I blushed slightly.

"So, I actually came here to ask you about the Charms homework," he said.

I raised an eyebrow, a slightly amused smile playing across my mouth. "Did I hear that correctly? The Great James Potter is asking me for help with homework?"

James smiled crookedly. "Even I have my human moments sometimes. Plus, you're better at Charms than I am."

"Well, thank you."

"You're welcome. So, I just had a question about the nonverbal Shield Charm. Are you supposed to think the spell as you're doing the wand movement, or before?"

"I don't think it really matters. There's something in the book"—I reached for James's Charms book at the same time as he made to push it towards me. Our hands brushed briefly, and a weird sort of shock zinged up my arm, making me lose my train of thought—"a-about it," I stuttered, blushing again. James didn't seem to notice my odd reaction, and I quickly opened the book to the appropriate page, pointing to the passage I was referring to. "But I find it easier to think it at the same time, though I think it's more of a personal preference thing."

James nodded absently, his eyes scanning the page I'd opened to. Then he looked up at me. "Would you be willing to practice with me?"

"Uh, sure," I said.

"Great." James stood up, drawing his wand.

I frowned at him. "Here?" I asked doubtfully, looking around at the various students studying quietly.

James shrugged. "Why not? It's a nonverbal spell—we wouldn't be disturbing anyone. Besides, I've always wanted to have a duel in the library," he added with a grin.

I couldn't help but answer it with a smile of my own. "Alright, I guess we could give it a go," I said, rising from my chair and pulling my wand from my bag.

James and I squared off from each other in an empty space between two tables. We both raised our wands, James mouthed "one, two, three," and I thought "_Expelliarmus!_" as hard as I could.

James's wand flew from his hand, striking the bookshelf behind him with a sharp snap. We both winced slightly as several people looked up in surprise. After a few beats of silence, James retrieved his wand and we squared off again. Again, James's wand flew from his hand, though this time it landed more silently on the floor. He sighed in frustration as he picked it up; I smirked at him as he faced me for a third time. This time, just as I cast my Disarming spell, a transparent shield expanded in front of James, blocking my spell. He grinned at me, and I smiled back.

"Nicely d—"

"What do you think you're doing?!" I jumped as Madame Pince's voice resounded behind me. I grimaced at James before turning to face her.

"This is a library, not a dueling club!" she scolded.

"We were just—" James began, coming up beside me.

"I don't care what you were doing, you're not allowed to use magic outside of class unless specifically assigned to practice a spell—"

"But—" I tried.

"—and you are especially _not _allowed to do magic in the library!" Madame Pince finished, disregarding my feeble attempt to explain. "Detention, both of you," she pronounced, and the word seemed to echo through my head as the bottom dropped out of my stomach.

**Chapter 20: These Are My Confessions**

My jaw dropped. I'd never received a detention for something as underserved as performing a little harmless magic in the library. It was, frankly, a little embarrassing—my previous detentions had been documented alongside some seriously impressive (if I do say so myself) pranks. Like simultaneously exploding everyone's pumpkin juice in their faces at dinner. Or bewitching all of the statues to follow people to class. I mean, didn't Madame Pince know I had a reputation to maintain?

Lily and I quickly left the library, Lily seeming a little shell-shocked. As soon as we were out in the corridor, she turned to me.

"I can't believe we just got detention," she said hollowly.

I shrugged. "Come on, it's not that bad. That's what, your first one? I've got a whole drawer dedicated to me in Filch's office."

"Yes, but we're Head Boy and Girl," Lily continued, her voice rising. "We're supposed to be setting an example for the rest of the school."

"Well, they can't expect us to be perfect. Case in point," I said, indicating myself.

"But we're supposed to give out detentions, not get them!" She sounded slightly hysterical now. "McGonagall's going to kill us. _Dumbledore's _going to kill us," she added, her eyes widening.

"Okay, could you calm down, please? You're starting to freak me out. I'm pretty sure Dumbledore won't care; in fact, I could see him actually finding it funny. I mean, he made me Head Boy right? The man's got to have a sense of humor. And as for McGonagall . . . well, we'll deal her when we have to. But what's the worst she could do? It's not like she'll give us a detention for getting detention," I said, cracking a smile.

Lily just glared at me.

"You're lucky McGonagall didn't make you do detention today," Sophie commented as we strolled towards Hogsmeade.

Since Madame Pince wasn't technically a teacher, Lily's and my detention had been determined by Professor McGonagall. In a rare considerate moment, she had assigned us to cleaning the trophies in the trophy room for two hours on Sunday, rather than forcing us to miss the Hogsmeade trip. And, despite Lily's fears, she'd made no further comment on the matter beyond giving us this information; in fact, I could have sworn she looked a little amused.

"Yeah, I know," I agreed. "Actually, I think she found the whole situation kind of funny."

"But I'll bet Lily was livid with you, nevertheless," Sophie said with a grin.

"You know her well," I replied, grinning back.

"Well I should hope so," Sophie said. "I've been her best friend for six and a half years." Her smile faltered slightly as she said this, and I wondered whether she thought she no longer deserved the title because of what she was doing today.

"You don't have to do this," I told her.

I took as confirmation of my suspicions that she didn't have to ask what I meant. She shrugged. "We're already out," she said matter-of-factly.

We paused just inside of the village. "Where do you want to go?" I asked.

"I don't know—Brea, Lily and I usually just hang out in the Three Broomsticks, but . . ." Suddenly, she smiled guiltily at me. "You're not going to believe it when I tell you this, but I've never been to Zonko's," she admitted.

"No way! You're right, I don't believe it," I said. "Well, then, that definitely has to be our first stop." I grabbed her hand and led the way towards Zonko's.

I continued holding Sophie's hand as we walked—_after all, _I figured, _we're supposed to be on a date_—and was glad when she let me. And it wasn't awkward, as I might have expected, but just . . . sort of . . . normal. Friendly. _Yeah, just one friend helping another make the girl of his dreams jealous—normal stuff, _I thought with a wry smile.

We entered Zonko's and were immediately bombarded by the strange noises, garish colors, and raucous laughter that always filled the store. Fanged Frizbees were zooming around the room, a pair of students were dueling with fake wands in a corner, and someone had knocked over a display of Fillibuster's Fireworks, some of which were exploding in multi-colored sparks. It was, in a word, chaos. Beautiful, fantastic chaos.

I led Sophie around, pointing out various products that had aided my friends and me in our pranking escapades over the years—paint that required a complicated spell to vanish, hair color-changing potions, and the ever-classic dungbombs, just to name a few.

"So, what do you think?" I asked after I'd finished my tour and we were heading back towards the door.

"That I haven't missed much," Sophie said with a laugh, ducking as a Fanged Frizbee whizzed past her head.

I shook my head sadly, pretending to be disappointed.

"Sorry," Sophie said. "Can we still be friends?" she asked with mock anxiety.

"I suppose," I said, holding the door open for her.

"So, Three Broomsticks?" I asked.

"Sure."

As we started back towards the pub, Sophie reached for my hand again. I grinned at her, and she shrugged. "Might as well do it right," she said with a smile.

When we neared the Three Broomsticks, Sophie tugged on my hand to slow me down. I looked at her questioningly, and she said in a low voice, "Just follow my lead, okay?"

"Er, okay," I said, slightly apprehensive.

She pulled me partially down an alley across from the Three Broomsticks. I grinned hesitantly at her. "Is this where you kill me?"  
Sophie rolled her eyes, but didn't answer, instead training her eyes on the pub's front door. I followed her gaze in time to see Lily, Brea, Sirius, Remus, and Peter emerge. My eyes met Sirius's briefly before Sophie turned my face away and kissed me.

Slightly shocked, I just stood there for a few seconds, before I realized that if I was trying to make Lily jealous, I better not look like this was one of the weirdest things I'd ever done. So I wrapped my arms around Sophie and tried not to mentally count the seconds until it was over.

After a couple more seconds, we broke apart. I couldn't help but look back towards the Three Broomsticks; our friends had all started back towards the castle, though I knew they had all seen us. Lily and Sirius were in the lead, and I could tell by Sirius's stride that he was angry. I wondered absently why he was so upset, but I was mostly concerned with Lily's reaction, which I couldn't discern at this distance. Brea, Remus, and Peter followed at a slower pace, and unless I was mistaken, Remus and Brea were laughing.

I looked back at Sophie, who grimaced at me. "Sorry," she said.

"Don't apologize. Like you said, might as well do the thing properly."

Sophie gave a non committal jerk of the head. "Back to the castle?"

I nodded, and we made our way back to Hogwarts, this time with our hands in our pockets.

Sirius and I burst through the front door of the castle and took the stairs in the Entrance Hall two at a time, neither of us speaking. At the top we split up—he headed for the Gryffindor common room, and I turned towards the library, my personal sanctuary. I had no idea why _he_ was so incensed, but I really didn't care at the moment. I was more concerned with the image of James and Sophie, arms around each other and lips locked, that had recently been burned onto my retinas.

I threw myself into an empty chair in the library, ignoring the stares of those around me, and pressed my hands to my eyes, as though I could squeeze the image from my mind. My stomach had dropped so far I was pretty sure it had physically left my body, while my heart, on the other hand, was beating so painfully that I wondered if I was having a heart attack. _Wouldn't surprise me, _I thought, now pressing my eyes shut to try and hold back the tears I could feel rising in them. It took an incredible effort to force my mind to accept why I felt like I was about to fly apart in all directions: I was jealous. I was jealous of Sophie, because—and I actually winced as I thought this—because I wanted to date James.

I rose abruptly, suddenly unable to sit still. Striding from the library, I set off in no particular direction, thinking.

How could I have been so absurdly unobservant? How was it possible that I hadn't realized this before? I mean, it was barely three weeks ago that I'd been agonizing over the fact that I'd kissed him, and now . . . I wanted nothing more than to do it again. But it was too late. In fact, it might have been too late for a long time. I'd also forced myself to consider that James didn't think of me that way anymore, and probably hadn't for the entire year. How many times had I wondered why he wasn't so flirtatious? How often had I noticed that he'd stopped relentlessly asking me out? And yet, it never occurred to me that things had changed. God, how selfish was I to assume he'd never move on? He'd been chasing me for the better part of four years, while I constantly pushed him away—I mean, how much of that can a person take? I couldn't blame him for giving up on me.

It was a cruel twist of fate that I'd started liking him almost the moment he lost interest in me. The worst part was that I'd had a chance, and I'd thrown it away because . . . because . . . well, Merlin knows why. Because I'm an idiot.

Then a horrible thought struck me (not that my previous thoughts had been a full of sunshine and unicorns): maybe James hadn't been disappointed when I'd called our kiss a mistake. Maybe he'd been relieved, and I just hadn't seen it because I'd interpreted everything the way I wanted to see it. I cringed inwardly—that just made the situation even more embarrassing, and my current plight even more hopeless.

I'd never faced two o'clock on a Sunday afternoon with so much dread. I'd spent much of the previous night wandering blindly around the castle, looking at my situation with James from every possible angle. Which had only made it seem even worse by the next day. I got up early and passed the morning and early afternoon in the library, skipping both breakfast and lunch. As cliché as it was, I really didn't feel like eating anything. I made a laughable attempt at homework, before I gave up and concentrated instead on preparing myself for spending two hours with James. I honestly didn't know if I could do it without completely falling apart. _How can I even look at him, knowing he'll never be mine? Wow, did I really just think that? I sound like some pathetic, lovesick, silly girl . . . _I sighed, realizing that was exactly what I'd become.

At ten to two, I dragged myself to the trophy room, feeling like I was marching to my execution. McGonagall was waiting for me—she handed me a bottle of polish and a rag.

"Please start with the ones in the third cabinet, Miss Evans—they're in most desperate need of cleaning," she instructed. I could have sworn her lips twitched slightly as I took the cleaning supplies, as though she found the situation amusing.

_Well it bloody well isn't, _I thought darkly as I started for the cabinet she'd indicated. Not even a minute later, I heard the door open and McGonagall gave James similar instructions before leaving. As I heard James start towards me, I realized I hadn't been breathing and took in a huge, slightly shaky, gulp of air. I didn't look at James as he came up beside me, prolonging the moment until I'd have to.

"Hey Lily," he said.

I just nodded in his general direction, afraid that if I tried to speak I'd either start crying or throw up.

"You still mad at me for getting you into this?" James asked, but I could hear a smile in his voice.

I shook my head.

"Have you lost the ability to speak?" he asked, definitely amused now.

"No," I said, turning to glare at him. But my traitorous heart leaped as our eyes met, and I looked away quickly, rubbing vigorously at a particularly dull spot on the trophy I was cleaning. _Damn him, _I thought, suddenly angry. _How dare he make me feel so . . . so . . . unsettled. And out of control. And just . . . _I sighed—I couldn't even describe it. _You know what? I'm going to act perfectly normal, like nothing's wrong, just to spite him, _I decided, though I knew full well he had no idea what he'd done to me. But it would make me feel better anyway.

"So, how was your date with Sophie?" I asked, pleased with how natural my voice sounded.

James gave me an odd look, and I knew he probably assumed I'd seen them kissing. But he couldn't know for sure—he'd only glanced at us briefly. I made myself meet his eyes, keeping my face carefully blank.

"Er, it was good," he finally answered, and I nodded, turning back to my polishing.

When he didn't expand on that statement, I continued, "Are you going to keep seeing her?" My voice trembled slightly at the end, but thankfully James didn't notice.

"I don't know. Probably."

"Don't," I was horrified to hear myself whisper.

James froze, his hand extended towards a trophy. "Don't what?" he asked, his voice suddenly tense.

Suddenly, I couldn't stand being near him. I dropped my rag and polish carelessly on the floor (I threw it on the ground!) and moved to the other side of the room. James followed my progress with his eyes, his hand still suspended absurdly in midair. "Don't what?" he repeated, more insistently.

I hugged my arms to my chest, trying and failing to meet his eyes as I answered. "Don't date her."

"Why not?" James asked, finally lowering his arm and taking a step towards me.

I resisted the urge to run from the room. "Because I—" I stopped. I couldn't say it. "Because I don't want you to," I finished lamely.

"Why?" James asked again, and the note of hope I heard in his voice caused me to look up in surprise. He'd taken another step towards me.

"Because I want you to date me," I said, amazed at how easily the words came this time. James's bottle of polish clattered to the ground, followed more slowly and silently by the rag, as he covered the remaining distance between us in three long strides. He took my hand in his, and I felt that strange zinging feeling in my arm again. "You do?" he asked, his hazel eyes shining with something close to excitement.

"Yes," I said, except it came out sounding more like a question, because I was suddenly confused. I frowned at him. "But—I thought you didn't w—" James leaned down and covered my mouth with his, quite effectively shutting me up.

**Chapter 21: Together at Last**

We broke apart after several seconds, and I was grinning so widely I thought my face would split in half. "No," I said in answer to the question I'd interrupted.

"No what?" Lily asked slightly breathlessly, her cheeks pink.

"No, to whatever question you were about to ask, to whatever doubts you have—"

"Had," Lily corrected, smiling. "I think you've pretty much—er—cleared things up." Then she frowned. "And yet, not really at all, actually."

"Right, so . . . Sophie?"

"Yes, mostly that." When I opened my mouth to explain, Lily held up her hand. She walked over to our discarded cleaning materials, handed me a set, and said, "We should probably get back to this while we talk."

I stared at her. "Really?"

"What?"

I shook my head. "Only you would be concerned about responsibility at a time like this," I muttered, though I was still grinning.

"So?" Lily prompted.

"I was using her to make you jealous. She knew, though," I added hurriedly, as Lily's jaw dropped.

"That was low, even for you," she said with a smirk, and I was glad—though a little surprised—that she didn't sound mad.

I shrugged. "Well, I may have been slightly desperate. Though might I just point out that I told you about a month ago I didn't want to date her."

I watched as Lily froze and slowly turned towards me. "Oh. I forgot about that."

"Yeah, I figured," I said. "So it all worked out quite nicely, actually."

Lily snorted. "Maybe for you. I found it slightly torturous, to be perfectly honest."

"Sorry," I said, not quite managing to wipe the grin off my face.

"Yeah, you look it," Lily replied dryly. "And I suppose everyone else knew as well?"

I winced—I'd hoped this point wouldn't come up. "Maybe?"

Lily glared at me.

"Sorry," I said again, this time meaning it.

Lily sighed and resumed polishing. "Well, I kissed you and called it a mistake, so I guess we're even, huh?"

I glanced sideways at her. "We _did _make a right mess of things, didn't we?"

"A bit," Lily agreed.

"Oh, and I almost forgot the other bit of news you missed this morning—where were you all day, anyway?"

Lily flushed. "Hiding from you," she admitted.

I grinned at her again. "Right. Well, anyway, apparently Sophie had ulterior motives for agreeing to go on that fake date with me. Turns out she fancies Sirius, and was trying to make him jealous."

"Really?" Lily asked, surprised. "Well aren't you two the perfect partners in crime."

"Yeah, so if you need anyone to complain to about recent events, I'm sure Sirius'd be happy to listen."

Lily considered me for a moment. "I'm kind of surprising myself with this, but, on the whole, I don't think I have any complaints," she said finally, turning back to the trophies. I was pleased to see she was now grinning nearly as widely as I was.

"Good, because Sirius probably wouldn't have any either, actually. He asked Sophie out, and she said yes," I added when Lily gave me a questioning look.

"What?!"

"I know, lots of that going around today. It was pretty funny, actually—he was waiting for me in our dormitory when we got back from Hogsmeade yesterday, and immediately started in about how he thought it wasn't supposed to be a real date, how I'd deceived him, and so on. It took me a while to calm him down enough to explain things, and then, of course, he was all embarrassed for jumping to conclusions—"

Lily laughed. "I would've liked to see that."

"Yes, it doesn't happen often. Anyway, he asked Sophie out at breakfast—guess he didn't want to risk someone actually stealing her away," I added jokingly. "So, while you may call it low, I maintain that fake dating is a perfectly viable strategy. Personally, it's turned out much better than all of my previous ones."

Lily rolled her eyes, though the hint of a smile still tugged at her lips.

I was in such a perfectly happy mood that the rest of our detention flew by. After McGonagall pronounced our polishing job satisfactory, Lily and I left. As I started to turn towards Gryffindor tower, however, she stopped. I glanced back, raising my eyebrows questioningly.

"Can we—not go back right away? It's just, everyone's going to—well, you know how they'll be—and I'd rather not do that yet."

"What, embarrassed to admit they were right?" I asked, amused.

Lily shoved me lightly. "No." She paused. "Well, okay, maybe a little."

I chuckled. "All right, then, where do you want to go?"

Lily thought for a moment. "Acutally, I'm starving, but dinner isn't—"

I held up a hand to silence her. "Say no more; just follow me." I took off in the directions of the kitchens, Lily hurrying after me.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"You'll see," I replied, reaching over to entwine my fingers with hers. Holding hands with Lily, I discovered, was nicer in a much different way than holding hands with Sophie had been. (*wink wink*, Harry, *wink* *wink*)

We turned at the base of the Entrance Hall staircase into a side hallway leading down under the school. Reaching the familiar painting of a bowl of fruit, I reach up with my free hand and tickled the bright green pear. It giggled girlishly, and the painting swung open to reveal the Hogwarts kitchens in all their glory.

Lily looked at me in shock. "How did you figure that out?"

"Marauder," I said simply, indicating myself.

Lily let out a long-suffering sigh, but she was smiling as she turned to face the sudden onslaught of house elves now bowing their way towards us.

"James Potter, sir," Dinky, the nearest, squeaked, beaming at me. "We is not seeing you for a long time, sir."

"Yeah, it's been too long, hasn't it?" I said, grinning at the house elf. He'd been the first my friends and I had met upon discovering the entrance to the kitchens in our second year, and I was rather fond of him. The other house elves hovered behind him, bowing and smiling at Lily and me.

"Dinky, this is Lily Evans," I said, pulling Lily further into the room.

"I is pleased to meet you, miss," Dinky said, bowing to her.

"Nice to meet you too," Lily replied, half-curtsying back. I snorted. "What?" she said defensively. "It's only fair to reciprocate the gesture."

"Right, sure," I said, raising an eyebrow. I turned back to the gaggle of house elves. "Anyway, we were wondering if there were any leftovers from—"

Before I could finish speaking, a tray of sandwiches whisked into view, balanced by three house elves.

I looked at Lily. "Impressive, huh? It's like they know what you want before you do."

"Because no one would ever expect us to ask for food in the kitchens," she replied sarcastically.

I narrowed my eyes. "Just eat your food," I said sternly.

Lily smiled sweetly at me and reached for a sandwich, dropping my hand in the process. I flexed my fingers subtly, marveling at how strangely empty and cold my hand felt without hers in it.

After she had eaten her fill, and after we'd been offered what must have been a month's supply of food to take with us—which we refused, of course (not the easiest thing to do with house elves, mind you)—we returned to Gryffindor tower at last. Stopping just outside the portrait hole, I squeezed Lily's hand. "Ready?" I asked her, grinning.

Instead of answering, she looked determinedly at the Fat Lady and said, "Cornish Pixies," causing the portrait to swing open.

James and I crossed the common room hand in hand, a point which was most definitely not lost on our friends—Remus and Peter grinned at each other, Sirius started laughing, and Brea and Sophie jumped to their feet excitedly.

"So?" Brea asked expectantly as we reached them.

"So," I said, nodding, unable to keep a grin from stretching my lips.

Sophie squealed so loudly that everyone started in surprise, Peter nearly toppling from his chair. She hugged me first, then James, shrieking, "I can't believe it actually worked! But I'm so glad it did!"

I snorted and sat down on an empty couch. "Well, I'm glad _you _enjoyed yourself," I muttered. "And I don't want to hear any I told you so's," I added hurriedly, glaring around at the others.

Brea pressed her lips together to hold back a smile, but no one said anything.

"I was thinking," James said to me as he joined me on the couch, "that it's about time we went on an actual date." I looked at him sharply, sure he had waited to bring this up until we'd returned to the common room just to make me feel more uncomfortable. He returned my gaze innocently. "Because we've kind of done the whole thing backwards so far," he clarified.

"And of course it's important that everyone else know our plans," I said, narrowing my eyes slightly.

"Right, that's why I brought it up now," James replied seriously. "Have you ever seen Hogsmeade at night?"

I frowned. "No, but how are we—"

"Don't you worry your pretty little head about that," James interrupted, grinning. "Just leave it to me."

I gave him an exasperated look. "Why do you always have to be so mysterious?" I muttered, though I was secretly kind of excited.

James didn't answer my question, but simply said, "How does Sunday night sound to you?"

Just to get him back for embarrassing me further, I was about to reply sarcastically that I wanted nothing more than to spend my Sunday evening with him—which, honestly, would be perfectly true—when something strange happened. Sirius cleared his throat loudly, shook his head slightly, and Peter looked at James with wide eyes. I shot James a questioning look, but he was no longer paying attention to me.

"Oh," he said, his eyes widening as well. "Right, uh, that's—"

"—a perfectly good idea," Remus interrupted pointedly. "Because both of you have patrol duties on the other nights of the week." He stared intently at James as though trying to communicate telepathically with him.

"Yes, I—er—good point," James agreed, flustered. "So?" He turned back to me, a pleading look in his eyes, as though begging me not to question what the bloody hell had just happened.

I stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on. "Sure," I finally answered, and James smiled at me in relief.

If I'd been suspicious before, I definitely knew there was something going on that James wasn't telling me after class on Friday. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter had disappeared to the boys' dormitory shortly after we'd returned to the common room, and I thought nothing of it until I went to get James for tutoring. The door to their dormitory was slightly ajar, and James's voice came floating out of it as I approached.

"—forgot about it," he was saying apologetically.

Just as I was about to knock and announce my presence, Sirius said something that made me pause in curiosity.

"S'all right, we can handle him by ourselves."

_Handle who?_

"I can't," Peter said hurriedly.

"Fine, _I _can handle it myself," Sirius amended.

"Are you sure?" Remus asked, sounding apprehensive. "You know what the consequences would be if something happened."

"What's going to happen?" Sirius said airily. "We've done this countless times without a hitch."

"Yes, but—" Remus protested, sounding almost angry.

"Look, would it be easier if I just _told _her—" James started.

"No!" the other three chorused.

For reasons I couldn't explain, I had the strange impression that they were talking about me.

"She's going to find out eventually," James said defensively. "And I know it won't matter to her, just like it didn't to us."

"You can't know that," Remus said, sounding uncharacteristically harsh.

"Actually, I—" James shot back heatedly.

"Okay, shut up, both of you," Sirius interrupted. "Prongs, we'll just make sure we stay far away from you, it will be fine, and that's that."

I heard James sigh. "Right, well, I have to go."

He began moving towards the door, and I scrambled to move away so it looked like I'd just reached it. I must have looked guilty, though, because he froze as soon as he saw me.

"I just came to—" I started, trying to sound natural.

James shook his head to silence me, glanced briefly back towards his dormitory door, and grabbed my arm, leading me down the stairs and across the common room.

Once the portrait hole had swung shut behind us, James whirled me around to face him. "How much did you hear?" he asked solemnly.

"I—not much," I said, which wasn't totally a lie. I mean, I had _no idea _what they'd been talking about.

James searched my eyes for a moment, nodded, and started walking towards the Transfiguration classroom. I hurried to catch up. "Is something wrong?" I asked tentatively, still wondering whether they'd been talking about me.

James glanced sideways at me. "No," was all he said.

"Okay," I said, slightly annoyed, because I knew _something _was going on.

Just outside the classroom, James stopped again and turned to me. "I'm sorry—I wish I could explain more, really I do, but I can't. At least not now." His eyes pierced mine, imploring me to understand.

I sighed, knowing James wouldn't lie about not being able to tell me. "Okay," I said again, more calmly this time, even though I was still burning with curiosity. "I trust you."

James smiled at me. "Thank you," he said, kissing me swiftly before turning into the classroom.

**Chapter 22: Werewolves, Stags, and Dogs, Oh My!**

Despite Sirius's reassurances, I grew more and more nervous as Sunday night approached. I still couldn't believe I'd forgotten it was a full moon. _If I could have just explained it to Lily . . ._ but it wasn't my secret to tell. And I knew any excuse I might have come up with for changing our date would have sounded lame and only made Lily more suspicious.

Therefore, Sunday evening found me waiting impatiently for Lily in the common room, invisibility cloak and Marauder's Map stashed in my jacket. Sirius, Remus, Peter and I had worked out a plan: Sirius and Peter would leave shortly after Lily and I for the passage beneath the Whomping Willow, where they would retrieve Remus in werewolf form from the Shrieking Shack and lead him into the Forbidden Forest, far away from Hogsmeade. As Lily emerged from the girls' dormitory, bundled up for our outdoor excursion, I glanced over at Sirius—Peter was in the library, but had planned to meet up with him in our usual spot. Sirius nodded at me, flashing a thumbs-up.

"Ready?" I asked as Lily reached me.

"I guess," she said, looking at me shrewdly. "So, how exactly are we getting to Hogsmeade?" she asked as we left the common room.

"I told you," I said, scanning the corridor for people, "just—"

"—leave it to you, yes, I know," Lily said, rolling her eyes.

When I was sure no one was watching, I pulled the invisibility cloak from my jacket pocket. "Okay, get under here," I instructed.

"Why? It's not after-hours yet."

"Yes, but where we're going isn't exactly somewhere we're allowed to be, and I don't want to take the chance that we'll be followed," I explained, grinning as Lily frowned at me. "Hey, I told you that next time we broke the rules, we'd do something fun."

"And I told _you _that I wasn't going to break the rules again," Lily reminded me.

I sighed. "Would you just—we're wasting time," I said, waving the cloak at her.

"It's not like Hogsmeade is going anywhere," Lily muttered as she obligingly ducked under the cloak.

I joined her beneath it, smirking. "Okay, no more complaining. This is a date, remember?" We struck off for the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, near which one of the passages to Hogsmeade resided.

"Bit hard to move like this," Lily commented.

"What did I just—"

"Alright, alright, sorry," she said, the hint of a smile in her voice.

We walked the rest of the way in silence—generally a good idea when invisible—and when I'd checked the Map to make sure no one was around, I pulled the cloak off both of us.

Lily looked at me in confusion. "What are we doing here?"

By way of answering, I pointed my wand at the statue of a one-eyed witch outside of the Defense classroom and muttered, "_Dissendium_."

The witch's humped back opened to reveal a narrow slide ending in apparent darkness below. "You want to go first, or come after me?" I asked, gesturing at the hole.

Lily laughed weakly. "What?"

"I said, do—"

"No, I heard you," she interrupted. "I just—are you sure—"

"I've done it hundreds of times. It's not as far down as it looks." When she continued to look at me apprehensively, I offered, "Here, I'll go first, then light my wand at the bottom so you can see."

Lily nodded, and I swung my feet into the hole, pushing off to propel myself into the darkness. Landing with a soft thud, I straightened and whispered, "_Lumos_," illuminating the tip of my wand.

Lily's face appeared in the hole. "If this ends badly, I'm holding you responsible," she hissed at me.

"It'll be fine," I assured her, smiling.

Seconds later, Lily landed beside me with a grunt. "See? Easy," I said, reaching to help her to her feet.

She snorted. "Now what?"

"This way," I said, starting off down the tunnel.

"Would I be correct in assuming this leads to Hogsmeade?"

"You would."

"And would I also be correct in assuming that you are one of only a few people who know of this? Like, perhaps, one of four?"

I chuckled. "Always a sharp one, aren't you?" I said.

"How in the world did you find it?" Lily asked, sounding more impressed than annoyed now.

"Sirius found it, actually." I frowned. "And, come to think of it, I've never asked him for the story; I was too excited about the possibilities it offered."

Lily smiled. "Of course you were."

About ten minutes later, the passage started to slope upwards, and just a few minutes after that we reached the trapdoor into Honeydukes. Lifting it slightly and peering around, I didn't see anyone—not that I'd expected to, this late. I pushed the trapdoor open completely, lowering it gently on the stone cellar floor so it didn't slam.

"After you," I said, waving Lily up with a grin.

We emerged from the trapdoor, climbed the cellar stairs, and came out behind the counter of the candy shop. (I'll let you lick the lollypop.)

Lily turned back to me. "Impressive," she said.

"Thank you."

I picked the lock on the door the Muggle way—it always amazed me how many wizards didn't think to guard against such things—and we left the shop. I took Lily's gloved hand in mine as we began to stroll along the street. A light snow was falling, blurring the streetlights slightly and giving the village a Christmas-card appearance.

"It's weird to see it so quiet," Lily commented.

"Mmm," I agreed.

"This is going to seem pretty out-of-the-blue, but do you remember when I told you I didn't think you'd ever had to work hard for anything in your life?"

"Yes," I said.

"You said you could think of at least one exception—was that me?"

I hesitated before answering, which in a way just reconfirmed what I was about to say. "Yes," I finally said, flushing a little.

Lily squeezed my hand. "Sorry," she said.

"No worries," I assured her. "After all, it _did_ make life interesting."

"Were you always—I mean, did you always actually fancy me, or were you ever just in it for the chase? I'm not trying to—I'm just curious, I guess," she added.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "Er, mostly the second one, at first," I admitted. "If I had to pinpoint the moment when that changed, it was when you accused me of being worse than Snape, you know, that day—"

"Yes, I remember," Lily interrupted hurriedly, looking away.

"That day seems to come up a lot when we talk, doesn't it?" I mused aloud. "Anyway, I guess it made me realize I couldn't stand the fact that you hated me . . . and it all sort of just evolved from there."

Lily glanced at me briefly. "I'm sorry; I didn't really mean it," she apologized.

But I was no longer listening. I'd caught a bit of movement out of the corner of my eye, and when I turned towards it, trying to determine the source, what I saw nearly made my heart stop.

A gigantic four-legged form was rushing towards us, and it quickly resolved itself into a creature I recognized only too well.

"Run!" I yelled at Lily, shoving her away from me, my mind already focusing inwards.

As I emerged in my stag form and prepared to face off with the werewolf, one thought pierced clearly through my panicked brain: Don't let him get to Lily. I didn't even let myself think about what would happen if I failed.

Lowering my head, I met the werewolf straight on, forcing him back with my antlers. I silently apologized to Remus, who I knew was buried somewhere deep inside the monster before me.

He snarled, lunging at me again, and this time I beat him back with my front hooves, but not before I felt his sharp claws graze my face. Blinking blood out of my eyes, I prepared to square of with him again, but a black (no pun intended) blur suddenly rushed into view, colliding with the werewolf. Sirius, in dog form, had joined the fray, and I was immeasurably glad to see him. Together we were able to chase the werewolf back towards the forest, each gaining several bites and scratches in the process. Eventually, with a frustrated growl, the werewolf turned and streaked into the Forbidden Forest. I hesitated, knowing we had to keep an eye on him—after all, we'd made that promise long ago—but wanting to return to Lily at the same time. I didn't want to just leave her in what I was sure was at least a slightly hysterical state.

Sirius pushed me back towards Hogsmeade before taking off after Remus. I wavered a moment longer before deciding that we were out of any immediate danger. Returning to Hogsmeade still in my stag form—a much faster method of travel than by foot—I changed back just as I reached the High Street. I suddenly became aware of a throbbing pain in my left shoulder where I'd received a particularly nasty bite. Ignoring it, I searched the street for Lily.

Not seeing her, I called her name. I turned at the sound of a door opening to my right, and Lily emerged from Honeydukes.

Relief made my knees weak as I emerged from the candy shop to find James standing in the street, all his body parts intact. I half-stumbled over to him and he caught me up in a tight embrace. Pulling back, but keeping a hold on my shoulders, he searched my face.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

"N-no," I stammered truthfully, my teeth chattering from both cold and fear. But at the moment, I didn't care about myself. My eyes found the gash above James's right eye, and the damp patch around his left shoulder. "You're b-bleeding," I stated unnecessarily.

James shrugged, wincing as the movement stretched his shoulder. "I'll be okay." His hazel eyes filled with anguish. "God, Lily, I'm so sorry. We should never have—this was such a stupid—if you'd been—" he stopped, now gripping my shoulders so tightly I was starting to lose feeling in my arms.

"It's all right," I said. "I mean, it's not, but we're okay, and . . ." I suddenly realized what he'd just said. "Wait, did you know this might happen?"

James looked away briefly, returning his gaze to mine with an even more pained look in his eyes. "Not exactly," he began. "That is, I—"

"How in the name of Merlin did you know we might be attacked by a werewolf?" I interrupted, jerking free of his grasp and backing away slightly. "And why can you turn into a stag?" I asked, more strange details from recent events slowly piercing through my shock.

James glanced behind him and then asked, "Can I explain on the way back? We should probably get moving."

"Yes," I agreed as we moved back inside Honeydukes, "in case the _werewolf_ comes back again." My voice was unnaturally high, the full absurdity and danger of the situation finally catching up to me.

To my surprise, James's eyes hardened. "He can't help it, Lily. When he's changed, the wolf side is completely in control and the human part all but vanishes."

I stared at him. "You're _defending_—do you realize what almost happened?" I asked, my voice leaping an octave at the end.

"Of course I do," James said harshly, opening the trapdoor for me. We climbed inside and lit our wands. "And it scared the hell out of me. But can you please just let me explain?"

We stared at each other for a few moments, and though a thousand panicked questions were still zooming around my head, I nodded.

James let out his breath in a whoosh, as though he'd been holding it. We started walking slowly back through the passage. "The first and most important thing you have to understand is this: Remus is a werewolf."

I almost fell over in shock. James and I stopped again, and he was looking at me closely, as though to gauge my reaction. "What?" I whispered, the only word I could manage.

"He was bitten when he was a kid, and his parents didn't think he'd be able to come to Hogwarts." We started moving again. "But Dumbledore didn't see any reason why he couldn't come to school, as long as they took certain precautions. So he planted the Whomping Willow over one of the secret passageways out of the school. It leads to the Shrieking Shack, and Remus goes down there each month to transform. The rumors that it's haunted keep the villagers from going in there, and the Willow keeps students away."

_Don't you wonder where he disappears to every month on the full moon? _Words from a long-ago conversation floated unbidden into my mind. Severus had suspected this all along, but I'd scoffed at his theory. And James had saved him in our fourth year from what I'd assumed at the time was the Whomping Willow, but . . . "Severus, does he—"

James nodded. "Yeah, Snape knows. But Dumbledore made him swear not to tell anyone, and as far as I know, he hasn't." He smiled grimly. "Sudden fit of gallantry, for some reason."

"But how does Remus get in to t-transform?" I asked, stumbling over the last word, still not quite able to wrap my mind around the stunning revelation.

"There's a knot on the tree you can push that freezes the branches," James explained. "Anyway, at first Remus was able to keep it a secret from us—Sirius, Peter, and I," he clarified. "But we figured it out pretty quickly—how many times can you be sick or visit your family? He was terrified when we confronted him about it, which was understandable, since most people react—er—unfavorably when they find out."

I snorted quietly at what I was sure was a grave understatement, guilt clenching my stomach at the same time when I realized that I'd been one of those people. "I'm sorry for, you know, freaking out earlier."

James shook his head. "Don't apologize to me. And besides, like I said, it's not an uncommon reaction. I mean, I'm not going to pretend it didn't scare us a little at first when we found out, but he's our best mate, so we weren't just going to abandon him."

He spoke with such frankness that I don't think he realized how honorable such an act was. I was sure that not everyone would have been so unquestionably loyal.

"In fact, we decided to take it one step further, in order to help him the best way we knew how. His transformations are painful, and being stuck in the Shrieking Shack is agonizing as a wolf—he's nearly destroyed the place and even bitten himself out of frustration. We figured that if he could be free to run around, it might make it more . . . bearable."

I shivered, finally realizing what James had meant by the wolf side overpowering the human one. I couldn't even imagine what that would be like—how did Remus stand it every month? _And yet he always seems so calm and happy. I couldn't do it._

"Obviously, he needed someone to keep him under control and away from other people. And it would be too dangerous for us to do it as humans. But as animals . . . It took us the better part of three years to manage it, but we finally succeeded in becoming Animagi. Peter can turn into a rat, so he's able to slip past the branches of the Whomping Willow to freeze it. Sirius and I are bigger animals—I'm a stag, as you know, and Sirius is a dog, don't know if you saw him tonight—so we can keep Remus in line pretty well. And his bites don't affect us in our animal form, so we don't have to worry about that. I mean, except for the fact that we can't trust anyone but ourselves to heal them, in case it would lead to awkward questions. Speaking of that . . ." he trailed off, pulling out his wand and directing it at his face and shoulder wounds. I barely registered this, however, as my mind was completely full of everything James had just told me.

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs," I whispered, suddenly remembering the names on the Marauder's Map. "Well, that makes more sense now." I frowned, another thought occurring to me. "I'm assuming no one knows about this except you four. And now me. But isn't that . . . illegal?"

James glanced sideways at me. "Yes. You're supposed to register with the Ministry. We couldn't do that, though, because they'd never have let teenagers try it—it's too dangerous. So many things can go wrong. I still wonder sometimes how we got through it without any major problems."

We reached the slide under the witches hump. I crawled up it first, James following and boosting me up when I needed it. He immediately threw the invisibility cloak back over us after we emerged from the statue.

James turned to me and said in a whisper, "I know you probably have more questions, but just hold on a second until we get somewhere less exposed."

I nodded, and he led me down two flights of stairs into the Entrance Hall, ducking into a room near the entrance to the dungeons.

He pulled the cloak off us and looked at me closely. "How are you doing with all this? I know it's a lot to take in."

I nodded. "I'm all right. A little concerned that you break the law once a month, but seeing as how you've been doing it for years without getting caught, and for selfless reasons, not just to be rebellious, I guess it's okay."

James raised an eyebrow at me, laughing shortly. "I just told you one of your friends is a werewolf, and you're worried about us being illegal Animagi?"

I smiled a little. "No, it's just that was the easiest part to comprehend." We sat down against one of the walls and James reached for my hand. "I'm still a little confused about what happened tonight, though."

James snorted darkly. "Me too." He sighed, playing absently with my fingers. "Well, when I asked you about tonight, I'd forgotten that it was a full moon. I figured any excuse I tried to invent would make you suspicious, especially after the conversation you overheard." He smiled slightly at me. "I tried to tell Remus that it'd be better if I just explained everything to you—after all, I figured you'd find out eventually—but he was worried about how you'd take it. Which, obviously, he needn't have." He squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"Anyway, Sirius said he could handle Remus alone, and he and Peter planned to leave shortly after we did, in order to get Remus away from the Shrieking Shack well before we got to Hogsmeade. But obviously, that didn't happen, which is why I came here. This room is where Sirius, Peter and I meet every full moon before going to the Whomping Willow, and I'm hoping Sirius and Peter'll come back here after they've got Remus under control."

I lay my head on James's uninjured shoulder, suddenly exhausted. James's head came to rest on top of mine. "They'll be alright, won't they?" I asked, remembering the vicious snarls and snapping teeth of the werewolf.

I felt James nod. "Yeah, they'll be fine. Though maybe not after I'm through with them," I heard him mutter, almost to himself.

I smiled slightly, closing my eyes and letting sleep claim me, welcoming its blissful oblivion.

**Chapter 23: Can't Blame You**

Lily had been dozing on my shoulder for about a quarter of an hour when I heard a knock on the door. Shaking her gently, I whispered, "Lily, wake up. I think Sirius and Peter are here."

When she'd sat up, I went to the door and opened it a crack. Sirius practically bowled me over as he shoved his way inside, looking wildly from me to Lily. "You guys okay?"

"More or less. What the bloody hell happened? And where's Peter?" I looked past him into the Hall, but didn't see anyone there.

"I'm sorry Prongs, it was all my fault." Sirius looked as anguished as I'd felt earlier. He turned to Lily as she came up beside me. "Lily, I'm sorry," he repeated. "You're okay, though?"

"Yes, we're both fine," I said, a little impatiently. "So?"

Sirius glanced at Lily again. "She knows?"

"As much as I could tell her, yes."

Sirius took a deep breath, as though trying to calm himself down. Then he began to explain. "I came down to this room a few minutes after you two left and waited for Peter. But he never came; I still don't know where he is. So I was late getting down to the Willow, and then it took me forever to get past those bloody branches, but I thought I was still ahead of you. As soon as Remus and I left the Shrieking Shack, though, I knew something was wrong. He got all still and tense, and before I could react, took of towards the village. And, well, you basically know the rest. I got him back in the Shack now, though he nearly ripped my head off in the process."

Only now did I notice the volley of hastily-healed scratches across Sirius's face, and felt a slight pang of guilt for snapping at him earlier. "Sorry, mate, I probably should have gone with you."

Sirius shrugged. "Nah, I was fine." He glanced at Lily again, who still hadn't said anything.

She cleared her throat quietly. "I'm just glad you're both okay. Thank you for . . . everything. And I'm sorry you had to get all cut up on my behalf."

Sirius laughed incredulously. "Did she really just apologize to us?" he asked me. Turning back to Lily, he said, "Might I remind you that we're the idiots who almost got you killed." I stiffened at his words and looked away. I felt Lily's hand slip into mine as she said, "Don't blame yourselves; it was no one's fault. And I'm still in one piece, right?"

I looked down at her, and she gave me a small smile that I couldn't quite return. I was starting to wish she'd been angrier with me, instead of so calm and understanding—it was only making me feel worse. _Though it's probably nothing to how Remus'll feel when he finds out. _I cringed at the thought of telling him—this had definitely been the closest call we'd ever had.

Sirius seemed to be thinking along the same lines, because he muttered, "Tomorrow's going to be interesting. When Remus gets back," he clarified for Lily, who'd given him a questioning look.

"Oh. Right," she said, as though it'd only just occurred to her that she'd have to face him.

Sirius and I looked at each other. Sirius raised an eyebrow, as though wondering how Lily was going to react to seeing Remus. I gave a noncommittal jerk of the head, knowing there was nothing we could do but just see how tomorrow went. "We should probably get to bed," I said aloud. As soon as I said it, I realized how completely exhausted I was.

I didn't even remember to use the invisibility cloak, but we made it back to Gryffindor tower without incident. The common room was empty, and I turned to Lily as we reached the dormitory staircases.

"You going to be okay?" I asked for what felt like the thousandth time.

She nodded, and we kissed swiftly before parting towards our respective dormitories.

Sirius and I entered our room to find Peter sitting on his bed, looking apologetic. We both glowered at him. "What the hell happened to you?" Sirius demanded.

Peter quailed under our glares. "I—McGonagall met me on the way to meet you and asked where I was going. I lied and said I was heading to Gryffindor tower, so then I had no choice but to come back here. And then when I snuck back down to meet you, you'd already gone. I'm sorry."

He looked so fearful that Sirius and I softened. From the sound of it, he'd done all he could to meet Sirius, and the fact that he'd snuck out—without the aid of the cloak—after McGonagall already caught him once was impressive, especially for him.

"Did something go wrong?" Peter asked.

Sirius and I looked at each other, laughing weakly. We explained the events of the evening to Peter, who was even more remorseful after he learned what had happened. Sirius and I assured him it was all right; after all, the whole plan had been dangerous and stupid, and the three of us got ready for bed.

"How did Lily take everything with Remus, really?" Sirius asked me in a low voice as we changed into our pajamas.

"I don't know; pretty well, I think," I said. "But almost too well, you know? Like it hadn't really sunk in." On top of making me feel guilty, Lily's lack of anger slightly worried me; perhaps she hadn't grasped the full implications of everything I'd told her.

"Well, I guess we'll find out tomorrow, huh?" Sirius said.

Indeed we would.

As Sirius predicted, the next day was, in a word, interesting. I woke up with my left shoulder stiff and throbbing, which made me irritable, a fact that wasn't helped by the odd stares Sirius and I received due to our appearance. Luckily, no one asked us why we it looked like we'd been mauled by a mountain lion overnight—after the events of last night, we hadn't thought of an excuse for our injuries.

During morning break, we debriefed Sophie and Brea about everything, which was quite a task in itself. They were just as shocked as Lily had been, though they did get angrier with us for our idiotic plan.

"Why did you think that would work?" Brea asked, infuriated. "Any dolt could see there were so many ways it could go wrong. Which, I might add, it did! Spectacularly wrong!"

"I think they've realized that, Brea," Lily said quietly.

"Besides, that's hardly the most pressing matter," Sophie said. "I mean, I'm glad you're all okay, obviously, but . . . Remus? God, that's just—I can't even—how did we not figure that out?"

"Don't feel too bad; it took us nearly a year, and we're his best mates," Sirius said.

"He could have bitten you, Lily. Or worse," Brea said, still sounding angry.

We all frowned at her, and she blushed. "Well, he could have," she mumbled. "I know, it's not technically his fault, but still."

"Which is exactly what he's going to think about it when we tell him what happened," I muttered.

"Will he not remember anything?" Lily asked.

I shook my head. "Nope, we'll have to relay all the details of the night to him." _Which we always do, but I would give anything not to have to do it this time._

Remus returned shortly after dinner. As soon as he entered the common room, James and Sirius practically sprinted over to him and frog-marched him straight up to their dormitory, Peter hurrying after them. Brea, Sophie and I exchanged solemn looks. I was starting to feel nervous about seeing Remus, not because of what I now knew about him, but because I didn't want to deal with the guilt I knew he'd feel about what had happened last night.

"Which just makes _me _feel guilty about it all," I confessed to Brea and Sophie, after explaining my misgivings.

Brea shook her head. "You shouldn't. It was definitely not your fault."

"It wasn't anyone's fault," Sophie added quickly, glaring at Brea, who was still upset about what had happened, and angry with James, Peter, and Sirius for what they'd done to me. I suppose I should have felt similarly—after all, it was my life they'd inadvertently put in jeopardy—but for some reason, I didn't blame them at all.

"Yes, it was!" Brea retorted. "The four of them shouldn't even have considered the stupid plan in the first place."

"Well, it would have worked—Sirius _was _able to handle Remus on his own to get him back to the Shrieking Shack—if Peter hadn't—" she stopped abruptly.

"Aha, so you _do _blame someone!" Brea declared triumphantly.

"I never said—"

"Stop it, both of you!" I interrupted. "You're giving me a headache. And sorry, Brea, but Sophie's right—it isn't fair to blame anyone. It was an accident."

Brea snorted. "Yeah, I'm surprised they haven't had any 'accidents' like this before, running around with a werewolf once a month. Which they're only able do by breaking the law, by the way, but no one seems to care about that!"

"I do care about it," Sophie protested, "but it's not like anything we say is going to stop them."

"Besides," I added, "it's an exceptional case, since it's for Remus's sake more than anything."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you two'd side with James and Sirius, since you're dating them," Brea said scornfully, grabbing her bag. "But excuse me for being the only one who cares about your safety," she added to me in a hiss before striding angrily from the common room.

Sophie and I looked at each other. "She'll be all right," Sophie said, but it sounded like she was trying to reassure herself just as much as me.

I didn't have time to worry about Brea, though, because just then James came down from the boys' dormitory. "How is he?" I asked anxiously.

"He wants to talk to you," James said, not answering my question.

Even though I'd known this was coming, my heart started beating faster as James accompanied me silently up the dormitory stairs. I hoped he was going to stay in the room with us; I had a feeling it would help things go more smoothly.

When I entered their dormitory, the first thing I noticed was Peter, perched nervously on his bed and looking like the smallest movement would set him running from the room. I was suddenly hit with a powerful impression of him as a rat, and almost smiled at the thought. My eyes slid further to the left, where Sirius was leaning against Peter's bedpost. He gave me an encouraging grin as our eyes met, one I could not quite return. Finally, my gaze came to rest on Remus. His body was tense and rigid, his eyes tight and guarded.

No one spoke for what felt like hours, but in reality was probably only a few seconds, as the air in the room grew palpably tense. Finally, Remus spoke, his voice full of a self-loathing that made me cringe. "I—I don't even know what to say. If you never want to see or talk to me again, I'll understand."

"Remus—" I tried to interrupt, but he didn't seem to hear me.

"I don't know how we could have been so careless. And the thing is, it was mostly my idea—me, the most dangerous one of all of us!"

"Remus—"

"James wanted to explain everything to you, but I didn't let him because I was afraid of how you'd react, which was completely selfish, and because of it you almost got—"

"Remus!" I finally shouted, and he stopped abruptly, looking at me in surprise.

"It's all right," I said.

He laughed shortly in disbelief. "No, it's not."

"Yes, it is," I retorted, the thought that we sounded a bit like argumentative five-year-olds briefly crossing my mind. "Was it a bad idea? Yes, probably. But the point is, it's over, no one got hurt"—Remus's eyes flicked towards James and Sirius—"er—not too badly, anyway—and it wasn't like it was even you who did it."

Remus gave me an odd look. "What do you—"

"Well, you're not really in control when you . . . you know," I glanced at James, who gave me a smile of encouragement, "so—so it's not really your fault," I finished lamely, feeling like I'd said that a hundred times today.

Instead of answering, Remus looked at James, eyebrows raised. "Told you she'd say that," James said with a slight smirk.

At that, Remus seemed to relax, and he sat down on the edge of his bed with a sigh. Not knowing what else to say, I was glad when Sirius broke the silence.

"Well, now that that's settled, anyone fancy a snowball fight?"

We all laughed, the recent tension somehow making this statement extremely funny. However, that's exactly what we did. And it helped, surprisingly. Something about the pure, childlike fun of a snowball fight brought us back to a semblance of normalcy. And to cap it all off, Brea apologized to Sophie and me after dinner.

"Hey," she said, coming up to us in the common room. "I—I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for yelling at you two earlier."

"Don't worry about it," I said.

"Yes, I _suppose_ we can forgive you," Sophie said with an exaggeratedly hesitant air, ruining the effect slightly by grinning at her.

"I didn't mean what I said," Brea continued, "it's just . . . I guess the whole thing kind of scared me."

"Join the club," James muttered, and Brea smiled a little as she settled into an armchair next to Sophie.

**Chapter 24: Defense Mechanisms**

Thankfully, things quickly returned to normal over the next week. I knew Remus still felt horrible about what had happened—and, to be perfectly honest, so did I—but as it had been reiterated countless times, no real harm had been done, and there was nothing to do but learn from our mistake and move on.

The fact that I was dating Lily helped me considerably on this end. Gossip spread like wildfire in Hogwarts, so by the Wednesday following our disastrous first date, everyone knew that James Potter and Lily Evans were dating. Some found it hilarious, since we were Head Boy and Girl—and some found it cliché for the same reason. Others who knew us better, particularly the details of our past relationship, were just surprised. But I didn't really care what people were saying—every time I overheard a conversation about it, I was pleasantly reminded of something that made me so perfectly happy that I couldn't help but smile.

It never occurred to me that there could be a negative side to dating Lily. Not that it was anything to do with her (though I did find myself doing homework more often and I kind of missed teasing her—not that I didn't, I just did it less). It was more of a side _effect _of dating Lily.

We were on our way to Defense Against the Dark Arts after breakfast, and as we turned into the corridor where our classroom was, we found ourselves face to face with Snape, who'd entered from a side hallway. It was the first I'd seen of him in nearly a week. His eyes flew immediately to our clasped hands, and I felt Lily grip mine tighter. When Snape raised his eyes again, he gave me such a threatening look that my wand was drawn before I even realized I'd reached for it. Snape drew his almost as quickly, but neither of us cast a spell; we both merely stood glaring at each other, wands pointed in the other's face.

Sirius had been following us, and as he came up behind me, he said, "Hey, why'd you—" Catching sight of Snape, he stopped abruptly, drawing his wand as well.

But before any of us could make a further move, Professor Reichert strode into view, raising his eyebrows upon seeing us poised to duel. "No trouble, I hope, boys? You don't want to be late, now."

And we had no choice but to follow him to our classroom. Snape marched straight towards the far back corner of the room and we took seats as far from him as possible. Remus, Peter, Sophie and Brea looked at us questioningly; they had arrived before us and were sitting in our usual seats at the back. I shook my head at them—class was about to start, so we'd have to explain later. I glanced at Lily. She was staring determinedly at Professor Reichert, and I knew it was to avoid looking at Snape. I turned slightly in my seat and glanced at Snape out of the corner of my eyes—he was staring lividly in our direction.

"Bloody hell," Sirius murmured, and I turned to see he'd been looking at Snape as well. "If looks could kill . . ."

Lily gave an involuntary shudder, but before I could say anything to her or Sirius, Reichert called us to order.

"All right, everyone, as I told you last lesson, today we're going to be starting work with Patronuses. Now, I believe you did some work with the Patronus Charm last year, so you'll know that it is very difficult—many older wizards cannot produce a fully-formed Patronus. Therefore, today's lesson will be a practical one. If everyone could stand, I'll clear the desks—" there was a scraping of chairs as everyone stood, and Professor Reichert banished the desks to the sides of the room with a flick of his wand—"and go ahead and start practicing. I'll just be wandering among you if you have any questions."

Lily, Sirius, and I headed towards our friends at the back of the room.

"What's up?" Remus asked.

Lily wasn't really looking at anyone, so Sirius started to explain in an undertone what had happened with Snape. I moved closer to Lily and said quietly, "You okay?"

"No," she answered shortly.

"Look, who cares what Snape thinks, right? I mean, he—"

Lily snorted impatiently. "I'm not upset about him."

I frowned. "Oh. Well, then, what—"

"You!" she hissed. "I'm mad at you!"

This threw me so completely that I just stared at her for a few seconds. "Why?" I finally asked, at the same time realizing she hadn't been staring at Reichert to avoid looking at Snape, but to avoid looking at me.

"Because you always have to be so confrontational with him! Why does every encounter between you two have to end in a fight?"

It was like we'd entered a time warp and had been thrown back two years. I had such a horribly strong sense of déjà vu that I couldn't even formulate an argument. "I—he pulled his wand on me, what did you—"

"No, he didn't James! You were the first to draw your wand!"

By now everyone was staring at us. I could feel the blood rise in my face.

"Mr. Potter, Miss Evans," Professor Reichert called back to us, "as much as I hate to interrupt . . . whatever this is, I'm afraid you'll have to continue this outside of class."

Lily glared at me for a moment, then turned to the front. "Sorry Professor, but I'm suddenly not feeling too well. I think I'm going to go lie down."

And before Reichert could respond to what was obviously a lie, Lily grabbed her bag and strode from the room. After a stunned silence, everyone started whispering and looking back at me. Ignoring them, I turned back to my friends. As I did so, I glanced briefly at Snape, my stomach clenching in anger as I saw the vindictive triumph etched across his features.

James and I didn't speak to each other for the rest of the day. I sat as far away from him as possible during class (which was difficult, as I was also trying to sit as far away as possible from Severus), and our friend groups segregated once more at meals. Brea and Sophie knew me well enough not to mention James's and my fight, though they kept exchanging worried glances. Needless to say, lunch and dinner were fairly quiet affairs, and I went to the library—yes I'm that pathetic—immediately after dinner.

As much as I hated it, I was starting to feel guilty. I knew how James must have interpreted the things I'd said to him during Defense Against the Dark Arts. But the thing was, I hadn't meant it for the same reasons I would have two years ago. Or maybe even last year. I was angry at his stupidity, with all we now knew about Severus, in provoking him. And even that wasn't quite true—I wasn't actually angry; truth to tell, I was scared. But of course I was too stubborn to admit that, so instead I'd let my temper get the best of me.

I sighed. I hated apologies. But I definitely owed James one. _Especially since he's my boyfriend. _I grinned—that was still such a strange concept. In a nice way, though. However, my grin faded as I contemplated the apology part again. I reluctantly dragged myself out of the library and back to Gryffindor tower. I crossed to where James was sitting with Sirius, Remus, and Sophie—Brea and Peter had come to the library shortly after me.

"Hey, can we talk?" I asked James as I reached him.

"Sure," he said, standing to follow me out of the portrait hole, relief and apprehension warring for dominance in his eyes.

As I turned away, I saw Sophie and Sirius look at each other, eyebrows raised, while Remus smiled slightly at me. Rolling my eyes, I sighed again as James and I walked silently along the corridor a ways before I turned to face him.

"I'm sorry about earlier," I said, making myself look him in the eye. "I wasn't mad for the reasons you probably think. It's just, I—I was scared," I admitted.

James opened his mouth to reply, but I cut him off. "Just let me say this," I said. He nodded.

I took a deep breath and plunged on. "What with Severus being a"—I looked around to make sure no one was around, then whispered the next two words—"_Death Eater_, who knows what he can do to you." I blushed and looked down as I finished, seeing the bemused look on James's face and realizing that what I'd said did sound a little silly.

"I don't think getting the Dark Mark branded on your arm automatically makes you awesomely powerful," James said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. "But I'm touched that you're concerned for my safety," he added. He tilted my chin up to make me look at him. "And you're sure that's all? I mean, there were no other reasons. . . ."

I smiled a little. "You don't honestly think I still care about you bullying him, do you?"

"Well, I hoped you didn't. Though I _am _sorry about all that."

"Yes, I know," I said hurriedly, remembering.

James grinned, and I blushed again. He slung his arm around my shoulders and we started walking back towards the common room.

"So, our first fight as a couple," he mused (plaintively), still grinning.

"Yeah, feels like pretty much every other fight we've had, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. For instance, before, there was no way I could have done this afterwards." He bent his head and kissed me lightly.

"That's true," I said seriously, resisting the urge to lick my lips.

James laughed a little. "How would you have reacted if I _had _ever done that?"

"Killed you, probably."

James raised his eyebrows. "Your lack of hesitation in that response is slightly unnerving."

I smiled sweetly at him.

As we entered the common room, I thought for one wild moment that our friends were all dueling. They had cleared an open space in the middle of the common room and all had their wands out. However, a second later I realized none of them were pointing their wands at each other, but were instead concentrating on the silvery white smoke emerging from them.

"Hey, you patch things up?" Sirius asked, lowering his wand as we approached them.

"Yep," James said.

"Good, because you reminded us, Lily, that Reichert gave us homework," he said, smirking at me.

I glared at him. "Well, your Patronus isn't very impressive," I shot back, having only seen a formless mass of white shoot from his wand moments before.

"Excuse me, but I can produce a Patronus—you just distracted me. Not that I can think of any happy memories right now," he added dramatically to Sophie.

She rolled her eyes. "He's put out because my Patronus isn't a dog," she explained to James and me. "Even though we've only been dating for, what, a week? Plus, your Patronus has nothing to do with that anyway," she said, shoving Sirius playfully.

"Right, well, let's see what you've all got, then," James said, folding his arms and looking at everyone expectantly.

The immediate return to concentration was almost funny. Nearly as one, Remus, Sophie, and Sirius said, "_Expecto Patronum_!" and three silvery forms burst from their wands.

Remus's was a hawk, Sophie's a dolphin (or a football), and Sirius's a Labrador. James and I clapped appreciatively after they lowered their wands and the Patronuses faded away.

"I suppose it's our turn now," James said to me. He pulled out his wand, repeated the incantation, and moments later a stag was cantering gracefully around him.

I raised my eyebrows.

"What?" James said.

"Your Patronus is a stag?" I asked. "Seems oddly self-serving, doesn't it?"

James shrugged. "Sirius's is a dog," he pointed out.

"Yeah, but not the kind of dog he becomes," Remus said with a smirk.

"Fine. Well, who _wouldn't _want me as their protector?" James said, grinning at me.

I rolled my eyes, choosing not to respond as I pulled out my own wand. James was looking at me expectantly, and I had the sneaking suspicion he was waiting to see if my Patronus would be in any way related to him. I knew he'd just love to lord that over Sirius. "Don't hold your breath," I muttered as I searched my brain for a happy memory. Because I was rather curious myself, though I'd never admit it, I chose James's and my first real kiss in the trophy room. Blushing slightly at the memory, I held it in my mind as I uttered the Patronus Charm incantation. A bright white swan exploded from the end of my wand.

James pretended to sulk with Sirius for the rest of the night.

**Chapter 25: What You Require Shall Be Yours**

"So, rumor has it that someone's birthday is coming up," I announced, falling into step beside Lily after Charms the following Friday.

"Does it?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, and her wonderful, brilliant, and, might I add, very attractive boyfriend"—Lily shoved me lightly—"was thinking he should probably take her out. Or in, as the case may be."

"I don't know, it's going to be pretty hard to top our first date," Lily said seriously, and I was glad to see she could joke about it. Then she frowned. "What do you mean, 'in'?" I grinned at her. "Wait, let me guess, I'll 'just have to wait and see'?" When I nodded, Lily sighed heavily. "You may recall how well that worked last time."

_Okay, maybe she's not completely to the joking stage yet. _"Ah, but this time, we won't be leaving the castle, and we'll be the only ones there."

"The only ones where?"

"You just don't give up, do you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"All right, I'll just find out that day, then," Lily said resignedly.

"A capital plan."

"Like I even have a choice otherwise," she muttered.

Lily's birthday fell on a Thursday, so we had to wait until I was done with rounds for our date. I grabbed the dress robes I'd been given for Christmas before I left so I could change into them later, and told Lily to meet me on the seventh floor by the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy shortly after nine.

She gave me an odd look, but all she said was, "Okay."

"Right, see you then!" I said before leaving for rounds.

They were even more boring than usual, anxious as I was for them to end. Finally, nine o'clock neared, and I set out for the Room of Requirement after changing in an empty classroom. The idea to have a date there had bloomed in my mind over the past week—after all, how could it be any less than perfect? _There is the chance that it'll be too perfect, _I thought as I neared the blank space of wall concealing the hidden room. _I don't want it to seem cliché or anything. _I considered my request for several seconds before beginning to pace back and forth in front of the blank stretch of wall. On my third pass, a door appeared. Opening it, I peered inside.

The room beyond was medium-sized and cozy, with a fireplace crackling merrily along the far wall, a low-lit chandelier hanging from the ceiling, and a table for two with a single candle at its center near the fire. Red gauzy material hung in curtains from the ceiling, strung from the chandelier and curving down slightly before rising again near the walls, which had ensconced candles placed at intervals along them. _Not bad, _I decided.

"I don't remember a room here," Lily's voice commented from behind me. Turning, I was careful not to let the door shut completely.

Lily was dressed in a simple black dress and heels, her hair done up as it had been for Slughorn's Christmas party. "Happy Birthday! You look nice," I said, leaning down to kiss her cheek as she approached me.

"Thank you, but you haven't answered my question."

"You didn't phrase it as a question," I pointed out with a smirk.

Lily just raised an eyebrow, waiting.

"Well, why don't you see for yourself," I said, pulling the door open wider and waving her in. As she took in the room, her eyes widened slightly. "This room is known as the Room of Requirement," I explained, shutting the door behind us. "It only appears when you have need for it, and can become basically whatever you like. All you have to do is walk back and forth three times in front of what is usually the blank wall outside, concentrating on what you'd like the room to be, and voilà, there it is."

Lily looked at me skeptically. "And how did you discover it? I don't know about you, but I don't often walk back and forth in front of random blank walls."

I chuckled. "No, it wasn't by accident. Some of the house elves in the kitchens told us about it during our fourth year—apparently, all of them know of its existence, though I have no idea how."

We walked over to the table and sat down. Lily smiled hesitantly at me. "So . . . what are your plans for this table?"

"Well, we've already had dinner, but I was thinking, dessert?"

"Okay."

"So if you could have anything, what would you want?"

"Um . . . I guess I'd like some choc—"

Before she even finished speaking, a piece of chocolate cake appeared before her. Lily looked up at me in surprise.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that you can request things from within the room too. For example . . ." I stood up and walked over to the mantle of the fireplace, where a red rose had just appeared. "M'lady," I said, handing it to Lily with a bow.

"Why, it's beautiful," she said with exaggerated sincerity.

"Not as beautiful as you," I replied, equally mocking.

Lily snorted, and I pretended to be offended. "Fine, see if I ever try to compliment you again," I said with a sniff.

Lily just raised her eyes to the ceiling without answering. I thought my own dessert—turtle cheesecake—into existence, and we ate in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't an awkward silence, or one that I felt I had to fill, but a nice, companionable silence. Finally, Lily looked at me and said, "Can you believe it's our last year at Hogwarts already? It seems like only yesterday we were nervous little first years waiting to be Sorted."

I smiled at the memory. "Yeah, it's gone fast, hasn't it? As much as I'm ready to be done with school, I don't fancy leaving this place."

"What do you want to do, you know, in life? Not that you have to have it all figured out now—Merlin knows I don't. You don't want to work in the Ministry," she smiled teasingly, and I wrinkled my nose, remembering the disastrous conversation with my father over Christmas break, "but beyond that, have you thought about it at all?"

"Not really. I mean, I've always had it in the back of my mind that I'd like to join the Order after graduation, but, I don't know."

Lily nodded, looking thoughtful. "Yeah, I've been thinking about that too, lately." _Bet I could guess what events have led to that._ "We're lucky to be relatively removed from everything going on in the war here, but I have a feeling that'll change once we leave Hogwarts. And I guess I sort of feel like, why not do everything I can to help? Especially at this point in my life, when I don't have any obligations to a husband or kids or anything."

"And you—" I stopped. I'd been about to ask whether she saw that changing anytime soon, but realized that could make things very awkward. "Never mind."

"It really hits me every time I'm home," Lily continued, hardly noticing my interruption. "I mean, my parents don't know anything about You-Know-Who—not that I'd want them to—and it really separates us. If I can be doing something to actively resist him, I think I'll feel like I'm protecting them, in some weird way." She frowned. "Though joining the Order could just put them in more danger. So I guess I don't really know either," she concluded with a sigh.

"Well, it seems like there's a good possibility we'll be seeing more of each other after school," I said with a grin.

Lily smiled back. "I suppose I could live with that."

I finished my cake and looked around the room. _It'd be nice if there was somewhere else to sit, _I thought absently. As with my dessert, the thought had barely formed in my head when a comfy-looking couch appeared nearer to the fire. "Shall we?" I asked, indicating the couch.

James smiled. "Furniture appearing out of thin air—how could I argue with that?" he said jokingly.

We rose from the table and strolled over to the couch. I tucked my knees underneath me as I sat down, leaning into James as he put an arm around my shoulders. We sat watching the fire for several minutes, the dancing flames mesmerizing me almost into a doze.

James cleared his throat. "Um, can I ask you something?"

"I think you'll find that you can," I replied amiably, stifling a yawn.

"I was wondering—that is, I'm still curious about why you and Snape were friends."

I sat up abruptly, fully awake again. Frowning at James, I demanded, "Why did you have to ask that now?"

"Sorry," he said, biting his lip. "It's just, I think I de—" he stopped, wincing slightly.

I raised my eyebrows. "You think you deserve to know," I said, not phrasing it as a question.

"Kind of?" When I didn't answer, he shook his head. "Never mind, just forget it."

I sighed. "No, it's okay. It's kind of a long story," I warned.

James shrugged. "I've got no where else to be."

I paused, gathering my thoughts. "I met him when I was about nine—my sister and I were playing on the swings, and suddenly this odd scrawny boy appeared," James smirked slightly at my description, "and told me I was a witch. The way he said it was like he was sharing an intriguing secret, but as a Muggle, I took offense to it. I told him as much, and that was the extent of our encounter that day.

"I kept running into him over the next week—now I'm pretty sure he was following me, actually—and I kept telling him to go away. But one day, he came upon Tuny and I when we were down by the river behind our house. I guess Petunia had had enough of him, because she strode right up to Severus and pushed him in the river. Or rather, tried to. Instead of falling into the water, he sort of bounced off of it and back onto the shore. Tuny screamed and took off running towards home, but I just stood there, captivated. I can't really explain it, but I felt this strange sort of connection to him, because weird things like that had always happened to me as well. And no one had ever understood it before—everyone at school just thought I was weird—and here was someone who'd not only had the same experiences, but who could actually explain them. I finally felt like I knew who I was, and he was my first connection to the magical world, so I guess it just sort of made sense for us to be friends. I suppose that's hard for you to understand, having grown up in the wizarding world."

James nodded. "A little, but I think I can see where you're coming from."

"Anyway, Tuny hated it. She was jealous, understandably, that we were part of a secret world that she could never join. Not for lack of trying—she actually wrote to Dumbledore begging him to let her attend Hogwarts." I smiled sadly at the memory. "A wall started to grow between us, and while I could see it taking shape, I felt powerless to stop it. I knew my friendship with Severus was a large part of its foundation, but for some reason I didn't want to give that up. And now . . . well, suffice it to say we'll never be sisters in more than blood." I paused, realizing how self-pitying I sounded. "So that's my tragic little story," I said, trying to smile and lighten the mood.

James gazed back at me somberly. "Sorry for making you relive that."

I shrugged. "It's okay—I relive it every time I go home anyway," I said honestly.

He reached out and twirled a loose piece of my hair around his finger. "Well, thanks for telling me," he said, kissing my forehead. "And now we never have to talk about it again," he added.

I smiled as I tucked myself under his arm again.

_James's eyes widen in fear as the door bursts open. Sprinting to the hallway, he shouts back to me, "Lily, it's him! Run!"_

_ I dash upstairs, searching for the baby I know is there somewhere. A high, cruel laugh follows me down the hall, sending a chill through me such as I have never felt before . . ._

"Lil, wake up." James's voice penetrated my confused, sleep-fogged brain. It took me a minute to remember where I was, and why my heart was pounding as though I'd just run a mile. "Was it that same dream again?" James asked.

I nodded slowly. "Except you didn't die this time. Or at least, I didn't see it." I frowned, wondering what that meant, and why I felt like it had to mean anything at all.

"Well, that's good," James said with a smile.

I rolled my shoulders a few times, trying to pull myself out of the anxious state those dreams always left me in. "What time is it?"

James glanced at his watch. "Uh, almost ten—we should probably head back."

As we closed the door to the Room of Requirement, it faded back into the wall, leaving no indication that it had ever existed. "Weird," I muttered.

**Chapter 26: Forbidden**

Gryffindor's second Quidditch game, against Slytherin, took place the first weekend in March.

"All right, gang, I know Slytherin is always the worst game in terms of penalties, so, as those of you who've had the pleasure of playing them before know, my advice is to finish the game as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, most of that responsibility falls on you, Soph," I said apologetically.

"Don't worry about it—I've got you covered," she replied with a wink.

I smiled. "Good. Well, let's do this!"

My grin widened as we were greeted by loud cheers as we took the field. I shook hands with Slytherin's captain, each of us squeezing the other's hand slightly harder than was necessary, and mounted my broom, my muscles tensing for Madame Hooch's whistle.

As it sounded, I pushed off hard from the ground, soaring into the sky alongside my teammates. Seconds later, the Quaffle was released, and the game began. I loved the adrenaline rush that accompanied the fast-paced dodging and swerving Chasing demanded.

Jordan Vance, one of my fellow Chasers, ripped the Quaffle out of a Slytherin player's hands, and I matched him speed for speed as we zoomed towards the Slytherin goal. Veering around another Slytherin Chaser, I caught the Quaffle as he passed it to me, preparing to hurl it past the Slytherin Keeper. As I reached the goal, however, I hesitated, movement near the Forbidden Forest catching my eye. Three figures were hurrying towards it. I recognized Snape's twitchy walk at once, and would have bet my entire life savings that the others with him were Mulciber and Avery.

"James, look out!" Jordan warned.

I turned in time to see a Bludger streaking towards my face, before everything went black.

"I think he's waking up."

"His nose looks hilarious."

"You _could _be nicer to your best friend, Sirius."

"What? It does!"

I opened my eyes to see a range of concerned—or in Sirius's case, grinning—faces surrounding me. Brea, Sophie, Remus, Peter, Sirius, and Lily were all sitting or standing around my bed in the hospital wing.

"Nice face," Sirius smirked.

Sophie hit his arm. "How're you feeling?" she asked more kindly.

"Er—" I sat up slowly, taking stock of all my body parts. My head was pounding like it'd been hit multiple times with a hammer, my cheeks felt sore and swollen, and my nose was oddly numb. Looking down, I saw a mass of bandages covering it, clearly the source of Sirius's teasing. "Okay, I guess." I prodded my nose gingerly, wincing at the line of pain that shot through it at my touch. "What happened?"

"Well, it looked like you were about to score—" Remus started.

"But then you just stopped in midair—" Peter continued.

"And a Bludger hit you smack in the face!" Sirius cut in, laughing.

I glared at him. "Thanks for your concern."

"Anyway," Remus said, taking up the thread of the explanation again, "it knocked you backwards and you started to slip off your broom, but luckily Jordan was right there, and he sort of caught you. By that time everyone from the Gryffindor team had flown over—they all supported you down to the ground, and then you were taken here."

"But we won!" Sophie added.

"Really?" I asked, glad something good had come out of the ordeal.

"Yeah—I told you I had it covered, didn't I?" she said, grinning.

"Yes, you did," I agreed. "Well, that's good. Listen," I added, lowering my voice, "the reason I stopped so suddenly was that I saw—"

Sirius snorted with laughter, and I stopped, raising an eyebrow at him. "Sorry," he said, "but it's hard to take you seriously with all that bandaging on your face."

I glared at him again. "Wait till you hear what I have to say; that'll sober you up." And I told them what, or rather who, I'd seen heading for the Forbidden Forest.

"Bit cliché of them to meet there, isn't it?" Sirius asked when I'd finished, though he was no longer smiling.

"You think they're planning something," Lily said. It wasn't a question.

I shrugged. "Why else would they be sneaking into the Forest when they know the whole school's at the Quidditch game?"

I received further confirmation of my suspicions on Wednesday night. It was once again a full moon, and after dinner, Sirius, Peter and I bid Lily, Sophie, and Brea goodnight before heading for the portrait hole.

"Be careful," all three chorused.

"We always are," I said with a grin.

"Right, of course," Brea said sarcastically.

"Just try to come back in one piece," Lily added.

I waved at them over my shoulder, following Sirius and Peter out of the common room.

As I changed into my Animagus form (It's morphin' time!), I discovered that it acted as a partial anesthetic for my still-tender cheeks and nose. According to Madame Pomfrey, the Bludger had fractured my cheekbones and broken my nose. She'd repaired them before I'd even woken up, but they'd felt stiff and sore for the past few days.

Peter darted forward and pressed the knot on the Whomping Willow to freeze its flailing branches. We all squeezed (on Sirius's and my part) into the hole beneath the tree and struck out for the Shrieking Shack.

No matter how many times I did this, I always tensed slightly upon entering the Shack, as though expecting an attack. And the reaction always made me feel guilty. But, as always, Remus merely snarled at us slightly before following us out of the back door of the dilapidated house.

We took off running, Sirius racing ahead, then darting back and jumping up around us. He really did turn into a big puppy on these outings, leaving me to supervise Remus and make sure Peter was keeping up—which, always impressing me, he usually did.

On one of Sirius's returns, however, he seemed to be running with more purpose, and slammed into Remus harder than was necessary, causing him to snarl and chase after Sirius. For some reason, I felt like this was what he'd wanted. Peter darted after them, but I hesitated, wondering what Sirius had seen to make him draw Remus away. _People, most likely,_ I reasoned. _But who?_ My mind immediately flew to the Quidditch game (no pun intended), and Snape, Avery, and Mulciber sneaking towards the Forest. . . .

Without a second thought, I took off in the direction Sirius'd come from.

I slowed as I reached the edge of the Forest, hearing voices.

"—we going to do this?" said Avery.

"A couple weeks, give or take," Snape's voice answered.

My stomach leaped, this is exactly what I'd suspected, exactly what I'd given up on ever running into.

"The rest of 'em don't want—" Mulciber's scratchy voice started.

"Well they'll just have to deal with it, won't they?" a fourth voice cut in; I was pretty sure it was Yaxley.

"Right, so, here's how it's going to work," Snape said, lowering his voice. I moved closer to hear him better, wincing as I snapped a twig.

"What was that?" Avery snapped.

Fearing discovery—forgetting momentarily that I was a stag—I didn't wait to hear any more. I knew I should be rejoining my friends anyway. It took me nearly an hour of randomly running around the Hogwarts grounds to find them. I finally saw Sirius emerging from the Shrieking Shack—apparently he'd decided to end the night early. I approached him guiltily, knowing he'd be pissed at me for taking off. And indeed, he growled low in his throat as we met. Moving slightly away from the Shack, both of us phased back into humans.

"Found Snape, did you?" he asked angrily. "I was trying to move you all away from there, you know."

"Yeah, sorry—I couldn't help it. Listen," I told him what I'd overheard.

"Well, that's hardly proof," he said, obviously still cross with me.

"Yeah, but it's more than we—Where's Peter?" I'd just realized he was missing.

Sirius frowned, as though he'd just realized it as well. "Dunno, I thought he was with you."

"No, I saw him follow you earlier."

As if on cue, Peter came panting up to us, red in the face.

"Hey, Wormtail, sorry for losing you," I apologized.

He looked rather nervous for some reason. "Er, yeah, that's all right. Er, back to the castle, shall we?"

"Yeah," I agreed, frowning at him slightly. He reddened further and took off towards the castle before I could ask him what was wrong. Shrugging, I followed him—he worried so much, it was probably nothing.

I sat on the edge of an armchair, staring fixedly at the portrait hole. Brea and Sophie had gone to bed ages ago, but I couldn't really think about sleeping when I knew James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter were out there running around and getting into Merlin knows what kind of trouble. Part of my mind realized that they'd done this hundreds of times, but a bigger part kept conjuring up horrible scenes of werewolf attacks.

When the portrait finally swung open, I jumped to my feet, relief flooding me. Peter barely glanced at me as he headed for the boys' dormitory stairs, but I didn't stop to consider his odd behavior as I marched straight up to James and kissed him.

He smiled bemusedly at me as we broke apart. "Worried, were you?"

Sirius winked at me behind James's back. "G'night, you two."

"Night," James replied, leading me over to one of the couches by the dying fire. "I told you we'd be fine," he said as we sat down.

I sighed. "I know. But I couldn't help it."

"Well, I'm glad you're still up, actually, because there's something I have to tell you. I ran into Snape and his mates again—don't worry, they didn't know I was there," he added in response to my sharp intake of breath, "and there's a good possibility they _are_ planning something, maybe as soon as two weeks from now—plus, they have a new recruit, that sixth year—Yaxley, I think his name is."

I just stared at him, shocked and a little scared.

"So, I was thinking it might be time to get the Marauder's Map out again and start—"

"No," I interrupted sharply. "No way, that's way too dangerous! What if they _do _catch you spying on them?"

James raised his eyebrows. "I doubt they would, I mean I was standing only feet from them tonight—granted, I _was _a stag, but—"

I leaped to my feet; I couldn't believe he wasn't taking this seriously. "I don't care how careful you'll be or how stupid they are! Now is the time to go to Dumbledore or someone!"

James frowned, standing as well. "Right, that would go well," he said sarcastically. "Hey, Professor, just wanted to let you know I stumbled across Snape and a couple other Slytherins acting suspiciously while I was wandering around as an illegal Animagus after-hours in the Forbidden Forest. Yeah, that's only breaking about fifty rules and the law."

I glared at him. "It's not my fault you decided to become illegal Animagi."

"Oh, so whose fault is it? Remus's?" he retorted, his voice rising.

"That's not—I didn't mean—"

"So, you think I should risk going to Azkaban just so we can tell Dumbledore?"

"He wouldn't throw you in Azkaban," I scoffed. "I'm sure if you just _explained_—"

James snorted incredulously, and I stopped talking abruptly. Pressing my lips together, I strode past him towards the girls' dormitory.

"Lily, wait!" I heard James call after me. But I gave no indication that I'd heard him, continuing up the steps and into my dorm.

James took me aside during morning break the next day.

"Look, I'm sorry for getting mad last night," he said.

I tried to glare at him, but found that my anger had faded overnight. "It's okay—I shouldn't have shouted at you, either." I smiled slightly. "Never thought I'd say that, huh?"

James smiled briefly in return. "Well, maybe you're right, maybe we should tell someone." He sighed. "But—I don't know, the conversation I overheard isn't exactly solid proof. I didn't hear them say anything explicitly about an—an attack, or anything. They were just talking about something they were going to do in about two weeks. So, who knows—they could have been talking about anything, really."

"In the Forbidden Forest?" I asked, not convinced.

James didn't answer.

I sighed. "If you don't think there's enough evidence, then fine, we won't jump to any conclusions for now. I mean, we _did_ say before that they probably wouldn't try anything with Dumbledore around."

"I'll still keep an eye on them using the Map—and if Dumbledore leaves the castle anytime with the next two weeks, we'll have probable cause to panic." He smirked slightly.

I rolled my eyes. "How comforting."

Neither of us mentioned anything to the others. I couldn't decide how I felt about the whole thing. On one hand, it scared me a little that the resident Death Eaters at our school might be planning something. And yet, I couldn't shake the feeling that they wouldn't be daft enough to attempt anything right under Dumbledore's nose. So, although I also had a nagging feeling we'd regret it, James and I resolved to do nothing, for the moment.

It seemed like we'd made the right decision, because two weeks came and went without incident. And then something happened to take our minds off it all together.

McGonagall held us back after class the third Tuesday in March. "As you know, the spring dance is coming up," she announced, sniffing slightly, as though she disapproved of such unwarranted merry-making. "And as Head Boy and Girl, it is your duty to plan it. Professor Dumbledore has already booked the Weird Sisters for the musical entertainment, but you'll need to organize the decorations, dinner menu, and the like. The prefects will be helping you as well, of course, but I'm counting on you two to ensure it goes as smoothly as possible." She gave James a particularly stern look as she said this.

"We won't let you down, Professor," I said quickly, before James could make some sarcastic comment.

As we left the Transfiguration classroom, he said, "Don't know why she was looking at me so suspiciously."

I raised an eyebrow. "Right, I'm sure you have _no _idea. You may recall that the water balloon paint incident took place during the spring dance fourth year."

"Ah, yes, I suppose it did," he consented. "Well, she needn't worry—those days are behind me. I'm mature now."

"That's debatable," I muttered.

"It's great to have a girlfriend who is so supportive," James said sarcastically.

"Hey, I'm just being honest," I said, grinning at him.

**Chapter 27: Oh, It Is Love . . . Or Is It?**

"Can't we just make the prefects do it all?" Lily had just shown me the list of things to prepare for the spring dance, and I couldn't think of a worse form of torture.

Lily gave me a look. "No."

I sighed. "Fine, let's get it over with, then."

It was a week before the dance on Saturday, and we'd found an empty classroom near Gryffindor tower for our planning meeting. I'd tried to convince Lily to have it in the Room of Requirement, but she said it presented too many opportunities for distraction. I'd then tried to tell her that sometime distraction could be a good thing, get the creative juices flowing, but she didn't buy it. So, here we were, talking about mundane things like decorations and flowers without anything to break the monotony.

"You know I don't really care, right?" I said with a half-smile after she asked me what color scheme I thought we should do.

"Yeah, but I thought you might like some say in it," she said with a shrug, returning to the notes she was making. "Just think of it as practice for your wedding," she added absently, making my stomach lurch oddly.

"No, don't really plan on being involved in that side of things then, either," I said lightly.

"Well, what if your fiancée wants you to be?" Lily asked, without looking up from her writing.

The conversation had suddenly entered very strange territory. Though we were speaking in hypotheticals, I couldn't help wondering if there was a deeper meaning behind the words. "Dunno," I said, swallowing to wet my uncomfortably dry throat. "You think she might?" Lily looked up, and I watched her face carefully, but she gave no indication that she found the conversation out of the ordinary.

Shrugging again, she said, "Some girls feel like it shows you actually care."

"And are you one of those girls?" I asked quietly, looking at her intently.

Lily turned bright red, finally realizing the way the conversation was heading.

"Sorry," I said quickly.

"I—I wasn't implying—that is, I didn't mean that _we_—" she stuttered.

"Right," I said. Both of us were blushing furiously by this point and studiously avoiding each other's eyes.

"So, maybe blue and yellow would be good?" Lily said, desperately trying to change the subject. "You know, they're nice spring colors."

"Yeah, that sounds good," I agreed. "Er, I'll get started on the dinner menu, shall I?"

"Okay," Lily said, bending over her piece of parchment once more.

I pulled a spare bit of parchment towards myself, wishing I'd just kept quiet.

Lily and I were and slightly awkward around each other over the next few days, but luckily none of our friends noticed. I had to admit, however, that our conversation had definitely made me think. I was perfectly happy dating Lily, but I hadn't really considered where I wanted our relationship to go. _And apparently, neither has she. _The fact that we hadn't been able to discuss it without extreme embarrassment wasn't exactly a good sign. Thought it might have been the circumstances of the conversation—stumbling upon the subject without a prior intention to talk about it—that had made it so uncomfortable.

When I actually considered the possibility of spending the rest of my life with someone, though, I had no doubt that that person was Lily. It was both an exciting and unsettling realization. On the one hand, I suppose it meant that I loved her. I loved that she didn't obsess over stupid girly things like looks (not that I'm saying she wasn't beautiful). I loved her independence, and her sarcastic sense of humor. Hell, I even loved her quick temper.

However, the problem was that I didn't exactly know how to tell Lily. Or even if I should tell her. I mean, okay, I probably should, but what if I'd returned once again to the dilemma of feeling more strongly for Lily than she did for me? I certainly didn't want to drive her away. But the more I considered _not _telling her, the more unacceptable that option became. What if I died tomorrow, and she never knew? Unlikely, of course, and, being dead, I wouldn't actually care, but nevertheless.

With these thoughts chasing around my head, needless to say I was slightly distracted on the afternoon of the dance. Lily and I had rounded up the prefects after lunch, and were currently conducting them—by which I meant Lily conducted and I stood there supportively—in decorating the Great Hall. Probably against her better judgment, McGonagall had allowed us to use magic to set up the various small tables that would replace the larger House ones for the dinner portion of the evening. It was all going fine, until the Slytherin prefects—_why is it always Slytherin?_—decided it would be fun to "duel" their tables in midair.

"Um, the tables are supposed to go on the _ground_, actually," Lily called over to them sarcastically.

I smirked. However, the Slytherins took no notice of her request. "Can we give them detention?" I asked Lily hopefully.

"This is hardly detention-worthy," she replied.

"Neither is dueling in a library," I muttered, and Lily smiled. "All right, then, you leave me no choice," I said with an exaggerated sigh. Raising my wand, I hit both of them in quick succession with the Jellylegs Jinx. As their legs began twitching uncontrollably, they both fell to the ground, losing control of their tables, which dropped to the ground with a clatter. Strolling over, I righted the tables before turning to the prefects.

"You promise to behave now?" I asked pleasantly.

They both merely glared at me—combined with their flailing legs, it made quite a funny sight.

"I'll take that as a yes," I said, and performed the counter-jinx on both of them. (I can't believe the counter jinx was just un-jellify!) Lily raised an eyebrow as I rejoined her. "What? McGonagall told us to make things run smoothly. So . . ." I gestured at the tables I'd recently freed. "Plus, it was funny."

"Well, that's true," she agreed. "Anyway, now that the tables are all settled, you get the lovely task of putting tablecloths on them," she said brightly, handing me a stack of blue cloths.

I wrinkled my nose. "You sure know how to make my day," I said sarcastically.

As I magicked tablecloths onto tables, some of the prefects followed behind with floral centerpieces. Lily and the remaining prefects started putting up colorful wall hangings and arranging flowers along the perimeter of the room. Just as I was coming to the last row of tables, Sophie poked her head into the Great Hall.

"Ready?" she asked me, holding up her broom.

I'd scheduled a Quidditch practice this afternoon on purpose, hoping to get out of some of the decorating. I knew it was an irresponsible thing to do, but I couldn't be responsible all of the time. Especially when decorating was involved.

Lily had noticed her friend's entrance as well. Coming over to me, she said in a falsely sweet voice, "James, darling, you wouldn't happen to have scheduled this practice _after_ you found out when we'd be setting up, would you?"

I grinned sheepishly. "Maybe?"

Lily rolled her eyes.

"I thought we'd be done by now," I added, which wasn't completely a lie.

"Right," Lily said sarcastically. Then she sighed. "Fine, go on. But you owe me."

"You're amazing," I said, kissing her.

"I _am _immune to flattery, you know," she said, though it looked like she was fighting a smile.

"Ah, but not _my _flattery," I countered.

Lily shoved me towards the door. "Get out of here before I change my mind."

Laughing, I starting walking towards Sophie.

"I suppose it's some consolation that it's raining," I heard Lily add as an afterthought.

I stopped abruptly and turned back to her. "What?"

She looked up at the ceiling. Following her gaze, I saw the black clouds skirting across the sky and the sheets of rain that appeared to be pouring into the Great Hall. "Really?" I asked, almost in supplication to the heavens. "Well, that's karma for you, I guess."

_It's funny, _I thought as I made my way towards Gryffindor tower after the decoration of the Great Hall was complete. _Not too long ago, I would have been furious at James for deliberately ducking out of his duties. But now, I see it as more of an amusing personality quirk. He wouldn't be him without it. Guess that's what happens when you start to date your former enemy—you go all soft about the parts you absolutely couldn't stand before._

I was glad we'd moved past the awkwardness of the past few days. I winced as I remembered our conversation, wondering for the fiftieth time how I'd failed to realize what I was implying—_I mean, I practically proposed to him, for Merlin's sake! _I took the stairs up to the seventh floor two at a time. _And would that have been such a bad thing? _a small part of my mind whispered. I stopped suddenly, frowning. _Where did that come from? Of course it would be bad—well, not _bad,_ per se, but weird. We've only been dating for about two months, after all. Thinking about marriage already is crazy . . . right? _I shook my head, deliberately forcing those thoughts away. It was definitely crazy.

Entering the common room, I greeted Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Brea.

"So, does the Great Hall look absolutely smashing now?" Sirius asked, winking.

"With my fabulous decorating skills? I'm surprised you even have to ask," I replied with a grin.

"Where's James?" Peter asked.

"Quidditch practice," Sirius and I answered in unison.

Remus glanced out of the window and whistled quietly. "Well, I certainly don't envy him or Sophie right now. It's nasty out there."

I looked over and saw he was right—the storm had picked up since James had left the Great Hall. Wind blew sheets of rain against the window, and distant thunder rumbled ominously.

"Right, because while they're playing Quidditch, we get to do homework!" Brea said, her voice falsely bright.

"Would you really want to play Quidditch in that?" Sirius asked incredulously.

Brea shrugged. "I really don't want to do my Transfiguration essay," she said.

"Fair enough," Sirius consented. "I suppose I'd agree with you—if I hadn't already finished mine," he added with a smirk.

Brea glared at him.

Taking out my Transfiguration book, I attempt to start my own essay. But soon my thoughts from earlier begin to creep back into my head. _I don't even know if I want to _get _married, let alone to James,_ I thought, picking up where I left off. _I mean, it's James! _But that argument was starting to sound flat, even to me. Because what James Potter had meant to me before was not the same thing he meant to me now. _Which is what, exactly? I mean, have I . . . fallen in love with him? _I snorted softly. I didn't even know if I could recognize love well enough to know that I was in it. I didn't think about James all the time, or get butterflies every time he entered the room, or any of those cliché things one was supposed to feel. But then, since when had clichés accurately described anything, especially something as remarkable as love?

Before I could even attempt to come to a conclusion, though, James and Sophie returned from Quidditch practice. Both were mud-splattered and soaked to the skin. Sophie bounded over to Sirius, who only looked up just as she reached him. Before he could react, she sat on his lap, threw her arms around his neck, and planted a big kiss on his cheek.

"Wow, thanks," he said sarcastically, wrinkling his nose at the mud and wet now seeping into his clothes and skin. When Sophie just grinned at him, he shoved her off the chair. Laughing, she got to her feet and started siphoning the excess water and mud off her Quidditch robes with her wand.

Distracted by her antics, I hadn't noticed James come to stand by me. When I looked at him, he gave me an evil grin. "Don't even think about it," I warned, leaping to my feet.

"What?" he asked, rearranging his face into an innocent look. "I just wanted to apologize again for skipping out on my duties earlier today." And with reflexes born of his Quidditch training, he grabbed my arm and pulled me into a hug before I could even start to back away.

"Mrmfhrm!" I protested, my voice muffled against his wet robes.

James pulled back. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."

I just glared at him, my face and hair now streaked with mud. Glancing behind James, I noticed Sophie had started for the dormitory stairs. "Soph, I call the shower next!" I called after her. She waved over her shoulder in acknowledgement.

At my words, James and Sirius looked at each other quickly. After barely a second of hesitation, Sirius leaped from his chair and they both sprinted for the boys' dormitory, reaching the stairs at exactly the same time. After a slight scuffle, James burst past ahead of Sirius, who followed closely behind, grabbing for the back of James's robes.

Remus and Peter laughed as the two disappeared up the stairs; Brea and I rolled our eyes at each other. "Boys," we said wearily in unison.

Two hours later, we had all assembled in the common room, clean, dressed, and ready to dance! Okay, maybe not with that much enthusiasm. Anyway, in the confusion of the mass of students streaming towards the Great Hall, it wasn't until we'd claimed a table that we noticed Peter wasn't with us.

"Where'd he go?" Remus asked, frowning.

"I don't know, I thought he was following us," Brea replied.

"He'll turn up eventually, I'm sure," James said before turning to me. "Aren't we supposed to make some sort of welcome speech?"

"Yes," I said.

"See you in a bit," James muttered reluctantly to our friends.

I smiled at him. "It won't be that bad—I can do all the talking if you want."  
"No, that'll just make me look like an idiot," James said.

"Your point?" I asked sweetly.

James shoved me lightly as we reached the front of the Hall. Holding back my grin, I walked to the center of the raised dais that had replaced the teacher's table, which had been moved to one side of the Hall. I hesitated, unsure how to get everyone's attention. James solved the problem by putting his fingers in his mouth and giving a piercing whistle. I winced slightly at the sharp sound, though it definitely had the desired effect. "Thanks," I whispered to him before addressing the gathered student body.

"Welcome to the four hundred and thirty-second annual spring dance," I said, smiling at them all. "James and I as well as your prefects have worked hard over the last few weeks to put this together," I glanced sideways at James as I said this, raising an eyebrow; he narrowed his eyes slightly at me. My smile widening, I continued, "So we hope you enjoy it!" I looked at James expectantly to let him know I was done speaking.

"Right, so for those of you who've never been to one of these—and maybe for some of you who have—we'll start off with dinner and then clear the tables for dancing after about an hour. And, just to assuage any doubts, I planned the dinner menu, so it's going to be fantastic."

Appreciative laugher, especially from the Gryffindors, filled the Hall—the Marauders' reputation of stealing food from the kitchens for parties was well-known. "Er, yeah, I guess that's all we have to say, so . . . have fun!"

Chatter quickly filled the Hall once more as we returned to our seats.

"Well, I must say, Lily, the Hall _does_ look fabulous," Sirius said with mock sincerity as I sat down. "Not as fabulous as you, of course," he added quickly, winking.

"Watch it," Sophie and James said warningly in unison.

I laughed. We reminisced about past spring dances for a while, which inevitably included plenty of pranking stories from Sirius, Remus and James. The feast appeared, and I had to admit that James _had _put together an impressive menu—roast chicken, pork chops, mashed potatoes, peas, carrots, éclairs, pudding, cherry pie, and nearly every other dessert you could imagine. We started discussing the rapid approach of our final days at Hogwarts, and I was feeling rather wistful and teary when I happened to glance towards the back of the Hall. A sight met my eyes and drove all bittersweet thoughts of graduation from my mind.

Eight robed and masked figures had just entered the double doors.

**Chapter 28: Hindsight**

"James," Lily whispered urgently to me. She was staring at the back of the Hall. Following her gaze, I noticed a group of robed figures just inside the door. Frowning, I turned to the teacher's table; all of them were engrossed in conversation and didn't seem to have noticed anything. Before I could look back at the figures, an explosion went off and the Great Hall was plunged into darkness. It wasn't normal darkness, however, but rather looked as though someone had suffused the air with a thick, dark fog. Chaos erupted in the Hall—shouts, screams, and the sounds of shuffling feet filled the room. Moments later, the yelling intensified as spells began flying around the room. Glasses shattered and rock cracked as the spells flew at random; the sound of a body falling heavily to the ground behind me proved some of the curses were finding human targets.

"Get down!" I yelled to those around me, pulling Sophie and Lily, who were on either side of me, down under the table.

"What the hell is going on?" I heard Lily's voice demand from my left.

"No idea," I answered. I pulled out my wand and muttered "_Lumos,_" dully illuminating the faces around me.

"I saw some people in robes and masks at the end of the Hall before everything went dark," Lily informed the others. Everyone's eyes widened; we all knew of a very dangerous group that fit that description.

"You don't think _he's _here, do you?" Sophie asked anxiously.

"You-Know-Who? Doubt it," I replied. "This fog stuff is not a very efficient attack method, and I don't see You-Know-Who feeling a need for secrecy. He's the most feared Dark wizard in the world, after all. My guess is it's just a bunch of students trying to scare everyone, but—"

"It's working," Brea interjected nervously.

"—whether they're actually Death Eaters as well, I don't know," I finished, with a half-glance at Lily. A deep frown creased her brow, and I wondered if she was contemplating the same thing as I—was this proof that Snape and his cronies _had _been planning something when I'd come across them in the Forbidden Forest? Though my stomach dropped unpleasantly at the thought, I'd be willing to bet everything I owned that it was.

"With what we know about Snape, though . . ." Sophie said worriedly.

Everyone exchanged grim glances, and guilt stabbed my insides once more.

"I'm going to see if I can figure out what's going on," I said, suddenly unable to just sit there. But as I made to crawl back from under the table, someone grabbed my arm. I glanced back to see Lily looking at me like I was insane.

"Don't be an idiot, James," she reprimanded.

"But you of all people should know that's what I'm best at," I replied jokingly.

"Fine," she said, letting go of my arm.

Slightly surprised at her easy concession, I emerged from beneath the table, straightening up against the nearby wall. As I did, I looked around to see Lily following me out. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"Making sure you don't get yourself killed," she replied in a stern tone.

"I don't thi—" I started.

I was interrupted as a curse whizzed past our heads, striking the wall behind us. I crouched instinctively, pulling Lily down beside me.

"That was close," I said, slightly shaken. "Okay, let's head for the back of the Hall, since that's where they all were when it got dark. I'm assuming they can't really see either, and therefore haven't moved much."

Lily lit the tip of her wand, and we ran doubled over along the wall. There was a suit of armor in the back corner of the Hall; we both ducked behind it and straightened up, peering out from either side.

The scene before me was quite alarming. Beams of light flew in every direction and I could see vague outlines of people running past. It would be foolish to try and enter the fray; even defending those under attack one ran the risk of hitting an innocent bystander.

"This is madness," I muttered to Lily. (THIS IS SPARTA!) "I mean, what, is this some sort of Death Eater initiation mission?"

Lily looked at me solemnly. "I don't know, but I can't help feeling we could have prevented this."

"It's been more than two weeks," I argued feebly, knowing she was probably right.

Lily didn't answer, but merely looked out from behind the suit of armor once again.

"Have you noticed the spells?" she asked.

"Er, yeah, they're kind of hard to miss," I replied, a bit concerned for her sanity.

"No, what I meant was, they all seem to be coming from the same general area."

I looked back at the Hall, and soon realized she was right. The curses radiated out from a central point about thirty feet away from where we were standing. I could almost envision the eight robed figures standing back-to-back, "So they don't accidentally hit each other," I muttered.

"What?"

"Never mind." I turned to Lily. "So, what should we do?"

"How should I know? Maybe we should just stay here," she said, a hint of hope in her voice.

"Okay, you can if you want. I'm going to try and stop them."

Lily sighed. "Somehow I knew you'd say that."

I grinned at her before easing out from behind the suit of armor. After a moment of deliberation, I crouched to the ground again; Lily followed suit. We moved slowly along the back wall. Occasional spells whizzed past us, but we didn't seem to be in the direct line of fire. Eventually, however, we'd have to move further into the room, a prospect that didn't thrill me in the slightest.

But I never got beyond considering it. As quickly as they had begun, the curses suddenly stopped. Seconds later, the dark fog vanished and light returned with an abruptness that stung my eyes. Squinting, the first thing I noticed was that the robed figures had disappeared, almost impossibly quickly, from the Hall. I rose from my crouch and surveyed the damage. It seemed that objects had suffered more than people. Nearly every glass and plate had shattered, either cracked by spells or knocked to the ground during the confusion. Several tapestries were ripped and pieces of stone littered the floor. Most of the students and several of the teachers had taken refuge under the tables, and were now slowly emerging. Dumbledore stood in the middle of the Hall, and he looked absolutely livid. When he spoke, however, his voice was calm.

"Students, I must ask you to remain in the Great Hall while the teachers and I search the castle for those responsible for this. Madame Pomfrey will stay behind to tend to the injured."

And with those brief words, he swept from the Hall, followed by the teachers.

I wondered about his use of the word 'injured,' and whether the situation was in fact no worse than that. As it turns out, it wasn't. The budding Death Eaters (as I was fairly certain now they must have been) either did not use killing curses, or all of them had miraculously missed. Considering the situation, I'd have to go with the former, which convinced me further that this had merely been a scare tactic, albeit an extreme one.

Lily and I looked around for our friends, but before we could spot them, Snape came hurrying up to us, a worried look on his face. _Yeah, you better be worried, _I thought savagely. _Worried about what Dumbledore will do to you when he hears what I have to tell him. _Because I'd decided that I was going to tell him everything (a courtesy he'd never extend to my son). It'd been shamefully selfish to hold back on account of the possible consequences for me.

"What do you want, Snivellus?" I spat, anger making my voice shake.

For once, he ignored me. "You okay?" he asked Lily anxiously.

"She's fine," I said, taking a small step forward and angling my shoulder slightly in front of Lily. "No thanks to y—"

"I'm fine," Lily reaffirmed shortly, grabbing my arm and dragging me away. When we were out of Snape's earshot, she looked at me sternly. "I don't care how mad you are at him—believe me, I'm furious myself—it's still stupid to let him know you know he's a Death Eater."

"Sorry," I said, knowing she was right—I shouldn't have let my temper get the best of me like that.

"Don't apologize," Lily said. "Just—"

"Lily! James!" Sophie's voice interrupted. She ran up to us, closely followed by Brea, Remus, and Sirius.

"Merlin, I'm glad you two are all right," Brea said.

"Why in the world did you—" Sophie started angrily.

"Prongs, have you seen Pete?" Sirius interrupted.

"No," I said, frowning. "He's still not here?"

Remus and Sirius shook their heads, looking worried.

"Well, maybe he missed the whole—"

"There he is!" Sophie pointed behind me.

Turning, I saw Peter hurrying towards us, wide-eyed and shaking.

"Where've you been, Wormtail?" Sirius demanded.

"Hiding under a table," he replied, looking slightly sheepish.

Remus clapped him on the shoulder. "That's what the rest of us were doing," he said with a smile.

"The sane ones, anyway," Brea added, giving Lily and me an exasperated look.

"Hey, a little insanity keeps life interesting," I replied with a wink.

The teachers never caught those responsible for the attack. Not that I was surprised—seeing Severus nearly straight afterwards had convinced me that they'd somehow blended back in with the rest of the student body as quickly as they'd appeared. Clever, really, much as I hated to give them that. Everyone was dismissed from the Great Hall at ten, but Dumbledore asked James and me to stop by his office in half an hour. Neither of us was surprised; it was only natural that he'd want to talk to the Head Boy and Girl after such an incident. However, both of us waited nervously in the common room beforehand—we'd decided to tell Dumbledore everything we'd been withholding, and weren't sure how furious he'd be with us.

"Well, you have nothing to worry about," James assured me. "You tried to get me to tell him—I should have listened," he finished regretfully.

"I could just as easily have gone myself, once you told me what you overheard," I replied.

"I don't think you need to be too worried," Remus said reassuringly. We'd filled in our friends about the conversation in the Forbidden Forest. "Dumbledore's a fair man, I think he'll understand."

"How much are you going to tell him?" Peter asked, sounding worried.

"As little as possible about the Animagus stuff," James replied. "Certainly not about you two, if I can help it," he added to Peter and Sirius.

"You don't think he'd, you know, have you arrested or anything?" Sophie asked anxiously.

"I hope not," James said with a half-smile.

"We should go," I said, checking my watch to see that our half-hour had nearly expired.

My heart was pounding as we reached the stone gargoyles outside the entrance to Dumbledore's office. Both of us stopped, suddenly realizing Dumbledore hadn't told us the password.

"Er," James began, when the gargoyles sprang aside and the wall slid open to reveal Dumbledore himself. He smiled at us, though he still looked uncharacteristically grim.

"You haven't been waiting long, I hope? I only just realized I'd forgotten to give you the password to my office. My apologies."

"No, we just got here, sir," James replied.

Dumbledore held the door to his office open for us, and as I passed him, I realized this was the first time I'd ever been in his office. _Which I suppose is a good thing,_ I reasoned. _Still, it's strange that I almost went all seven years without seeing it._

Dumbledore shut the door behind us, crossed to his desk, and gestured James and I into the two seats across from him as he sat down. We took them, and Dumbledore fixed us with a piercing stare. I resisted the urge to squirm as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Wait, sir, before you start, there's something we have to tell you," James interrupted, apparently unable to hold it in any longer.

Dumbledore closed his mouth, steepled his hands in front of it, and nodded for James to continue.

James glanced briefly at me, and I tried to give him an encouraging smile, but it may have come off as more of a grimace. He began with the conversation I'd overheard last fall, explained how he'd spied intermittently on Snape over the next few months (leaving out the Map's role, of course), related his suspicions about Snape missing class so often, and ended with the conversation he'd come upon a few weeks earlier in the Forest. "And we should have come to you then, if not before, but we"—he glanced at me again—"that is, I, didn't think they'd be stupid enough to actually try anything, at least not with you around." He fell silent, meeting Dumbledore's eyes briefly before dropping his gaze shamefully to his feet.

To my surprise, as well as my great relief, Dumbledore smiled. "I'm flattered that you think I have such influence, Mr. Potter," he said, and James looked up, hearing the smile in Dumbledore's voice. "I wish that were the case," he added more quietly, almost to himself. "Nevertheless, there is one part of your story that I would like to ask you about, if I may." James nodded. "How is it that you happened to be near the Forbidden Forest at the particular time Mr. Snape and his—ah—friends were having this discussion?"

James shifted uncomfortably.

Dumbledore merely smiled, however, and said, "Would I be correct in assuming that I have touched on the one point you hoped wouldn't come up?"

James nodded, a little sheepishly. "I'd really rather not explain that part, sir."

Dumbledore gave him another piercing look—this time James met his gaze evenly—and nodded. "All right, I'll simply have to satisfy my curiosity at a later time. And in light of recent events, we will, of course, overlook the fact that you were out after hours." He smiled slightly.

"Right, thank you, sir," James mumbled quickly.

Dumbledore turned to me. "Miss Evans, you've been fairly quiet this whole time—anything you'd like to add?"

"Only that we really do feel guilty about not coming to you about this earlier, Professor."

"Well, as the Muggles say, my dear, hindsight is 20-20. And they are quite right." He paused briefly, then leaned forward, a serious look on his face once more. "Now, the reason I called you both here is that I believe we need to heighten our security of the castle, which I'm sure does not come as a surprise. As for your part in this, I must ask that you both patrol—together—the corridors every night of the week. The prefects will receive similar instructions. Of course, any suspicious activity should be reported straight away to either myself or one of the teachers."

"Professor?" James asked. "What should we do about Snape and the others?"  
"I'm afraid I have to ask you to let me worry about that from here."

James blushed slightly and we both nodded.

"Excellent." Dumbledore smiled at us. "On a related note, aside from your one detention"—his smile widened—"you are both performing your Head duties splendidly, and I thank you for that."

James and I returned his smile reluctantly, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Unless you have anything further you'd like to discuss with me, you are free to go," Dumbledore added.

We rose from our chairs and started for the door. Upon reaching it, however, James turned. "Sir, there's just one thing I'd like to ask."

Dumbledore inclined his head.

"Why did you choose me to be Head Boy?"

Dumbledore smiled again. "I've found that troublemakers often make the best leaders, Mr. Potter," he replied cryptically.

**Chapter 29: Part Two of My Confessions**

Sirius joined us at breakfast Monday morning with shocking news.

"They've left," he announced as soon as he sat down.

"Who?" Brea asked in confusion.

"Them!" he replied urgently. "Snape, Avery, Mulciber, and Yaxley—I overheard some Slytherins talking about it in the Entrance Hall."

"Left, as in, Hogwarts?" I asked, not daring to believe it.

"Yep," Sirius said.

"Why?" Peter asked.

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Lily said. "They must have found out we'd gone to Dumbledore with our suspicions." Even as she said it, she sounded almost disbelieving.

"How the hell could they have known that though?" I asked angrily, though I'd come to the same conclusion.

"You've been spying on them for months, maybe they've been returning the favor," Sophie suggested.

"Maybe," I said slowly. But that didn't completely explain it. Lily and I'd only decided to tell Dumbledore the night of the dance, and we'd just talked about it in the common room.

When I voiced these thoughts, Remus frowned and said, "What are you implying? That there's a spy in Gryffindor?"

I shrugged. "Disturbing as it is, yeah. Unless you can think of another way to explain it."

Remus thought for a moment, then slowly shook his head.

"But who would do that?" Brea asked.

"No idea," I said. "But we're all going to have to watch what we say from now on."

"You realized this also means they know we know," Lily said quietly. "All of us."

The thought hadn't escaped me. "Yeah, but that's actually less concerning now that they're gone."

"It is?" Brea asked uncertainly.

"Sure," I said. "The only threat we posed to them was revealing their secret to someone like Dumbledore. Well, we've done that, and they know it. If anything, You-Know-Who will be furious that they let that happen. Regardless, there'd be no point in targeting any of us specifically anymore."

Sirius laughed shortly. "I hope you're right, Prongs."

That night after dinner, Lily and I left for rounds together. "Well, at least they'll be more fun now, with both of us," I commented.

"Yeah, the possibility of being jumped by Death Eaters really increases the enjoyment level," Lily replied sarcastically.

I laughed.

Lily was quiet for a moment. "I still can't believe there might be someone in Gryffindor spying for them," she said finally.

I reached for her hand and squeezed it. "I know. I mean, I can't think of anyone it might be."

"Me neither. So, maybe we're wrong?" she said hopefully. I looked at her solemnly, and she sighed. "But probably not." Silence fell between us once again, and then Lily said, "It's weird to think that the next time I see Severus, it might—I mean, if I join the Order . . ." she trailed off. "It's just, you never look at your friends and wonder if you'll ever find yourselves on opposite sides of a war. And even though I stopped being his friend a long time ago, I don't think I'd ever be able to deliberately hurt him physically. Certainly not . . . kill him."

I had no idea where this was all coming from, but it was starting to scare me a little. Not for Snape's sake, obviously, but thinking about Lily meeting him in combat . . . I'd never considered the possibility before, and I didn't like it one bit. "Lovely conversation, this, isn't it?" I said, trying to lighten the mood.

Lily dropped my hand and turned to face me, a frown creasing her brow. "I'm trying to be serious, James."

"Sorry," I muttered. We started walking again, and I breathed a small sigh of relief when Lily slipped her hand back into mine. "So, what brought all this on?"

"Well, I realized I'm not sure he would return the favor," she said grimly.

"What, you think he would—" I couldn't bring myself to say it.

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. I'd like to think he doesn't hate me enough to want me dead, but—"

It was my turn to halt abruptly. "Stop," I said, a little harsher than I meant to. Lily looked at me in surprise. "Sorry," I said again. "I can't—can we just . . . not talk about you dying, please?"

Lily smiled at me, though I couldn't think of anything to be smiling about at the moment. "We talk about you dying all the time; it's only fair I should have my turn," she said jokingly.

"But that's in a dream, not—I can't believe you're trying to joke about this!" I said, getting angry.

Lily stopped smiling at once. "James, calm down," she said, placing a placating hand on my arm. "I was just sort of thinking out loud; it was all hypothetical." Her lips quirked up slightly again. "I didn't realize you'd get so upset."

I made an incredulous noise in the back of my throat. "Of course thinking about you dying would upset me! I love you." I froze the moment the words left my mouth. I hadn't meant to say them, they had just sort of popped out.

Lily just blinked at me for a moment. "You do?" she finally whispered.

I rubbed the back of my neck uncomfortably. "Er, yeah. I didn't really mean to tell you like that, but . . ."

Lily nodded slowly, looking slightly as though she'd just been clubbed over the head. Finally, she looked up at me. "I know this is the time where I should say it back, but I don't want to unless I'm sure I mean it, because that wouldn't be fair to you." She laughed a little. "I know, just what you wanted to hear, right?"

I shrugged—though I'd thought she might say something like that, I found that it didn't worry me as much as I'd been expecting. I mean, I'd waited six years for her to go out with me, hadn't I? I didn't need to hear her say that she loved me right this instant.

"If it helps, I think I might love you," Lily added. Then she frowned slightly. "Although, maybe that's _worse _than if I didn't love you at all, but—"

I silenced her with a kiss. "I'll take it," I said with a grin.

"So, anything exciting happen?" Sirius asked as James and I rejoined our friends in the common room after rounds.

"No, not really," James answered lightly. He glanced sideways at me, a smile playing about his lips.

I blushed slightly, though thankfully no one noticed. Or so I thought.

"What's up?" Sophie asked as I sat down.

"What do you mean?" I replied.

"You look . . ." she trailed off, shrugging.

"Secretive," Brea finished decisively.

"What?" I said again, half laughing.

"Brea's right," Sophie said. "You look like you're hiding something. And I saw that little look between you and James," she added in a low voice, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

I sighed, knowing neither of them would leave me alone until I offered some sort of explanation. However, I didn't want the others to hear—confessions of love definitely fell into the realm of girl-to-girl confidentiality.

"Come on," I muttered, jerking my head towards our dormitory. Exchanging curious glances, Brea and Sophie rose immediately to follow me.

"Where are you going?" Peter asked.

"We'll be right back," I said. I glanced at James as I passed him—he was ducking his head to hide a grin.

I couldn't help but smile myself as I turned to face my friends in the privacy of our dorm.

"Okay, spill it, Lils," Sophie demanded as we settled on my bed.

"James told me he loved me," I said, feeling myself start to blush again.

"What?!" Brea and Sophie shrieked.

"Oh my God, Lil, congratulations!" Sophie squealed. "Or—that doesn't sound right, but whatever!"

I laughed.

"That's so great, Lily," Brea said, grinning hugely at me.

"So . . .?" Sophie started suggestively.

"So . . . what?" I said.

"Did you say it back?"

"Er, no," I admitted. Brea and Sophie exchanged looks. "It's just, I don't even know what love is," I added quickly. "I mean, how do I know if I'm really in love with him, or if I'm just saying it back because that's what you're supposed to do?" I maneuvered so I was leaning back against my pillow and pulled my knees to my chest. "What about you and Sirius?" I asked Sophie.

"What about us?"

"Do you, you know . . ."

"Oh! No, definitely not," she said with a laugh. Then, as though she realized how callous that sounded, she winced. "I mean, I like him a lot, but we're not really serious or anything." She winked at me. "Of course, that might be different if we were unequivocally meant for each other, like you and James."

I rolled my eyes.

"I think it's one of those things you'll just know," Brea said, bringing us back to the topic at hand. "As cliché as that sounds.

"Yeah, I guess," I said, not quite that confident. "At least James didn't seem too put out about it."

"Well, the man _did _wait for you for six years," Brea pointed out. "He was probably just glad he didn't scare you away."

I smiled. "Good point."

_I'm sitting on a couch with James. By now, the scene is so familiar, I know what to expect. I can hear the baby crying, and I know I should try to save it, but I also want to save James from the fate that awaits him. Before I can do anything, however, the door bangs open, and James jumps up from the couch. I try to stop him from running to the hall, but I can't seem to move._

_ "Lily, run, it's him!" James's voice calls back to me._

_ A flash of green light, that sickening thud, and as though that is some sort of trigger, I find I can move again. Completely forgetting about the baby, I run to the hall. I barely spare a glance for the red-eyed face that towers over me before my gaze finds James's face. His eyes are wide and cold in death. High cold laughter, another flash of green, and my last feeling as I slip into the unconsciousness of death is relief that I will soon see James again._

Slightly disoriented when I woke, I was surprised to find tears on my cheeks. Wiping them off, I sat up in bed. Taking a couple of deep breaths, I tried to rid myself of the profound state of sadness the dream had left me in. As always, it had been slightly different, but this was the first time I'd really known what was coming and felt truly powerless to change it.

Knowing I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep for a while, I swung my legs over the side of my bed and stood up. As I pulled on my bathrobe, my mind flitted to the other unique part of this dream: it was the first time I'd actually seen James's dead body. Before, I'd only heard it hitting the ground—which had been horrible enough—but seeing that blank, empty look in his eyes . . . I shivered at the memory. Pulling the dormitory door open and shutting it softly behind me, I remembered the relief I'd felt as death had claimed me (another new addition), knowing I wouldn't be separated from James for long. I smiled wryly to myself as I descended the stairs to the common room. _Funny how it took my unconscious to tell me that I'm in love with him._

Thinking that the room would surely be empty at this hour, it almost gave me a heart attack when I realized there was someone lying on one of the couches. As I drew closer, the light of the dying fire revealed the figure to be James. One of his legs was hanging over the side of the couch and his right arm was thrown above his head. His mouth was slightly open, his chest rose and fell slowly, and he had a calm look on his face that rarely showed when he was awake. I smiled as I sat down in a nearby armchair. My smile turned almost immediately to a cringe as I sat on a spare bit of parchment I hadn't noticed. It crinkled loudly in the quiet and James awoke with a grunt.

"Hi," I said softly.

"Hey," James said, blinking a little and looking around. "Huh, guess I fell asleep," he observed, rolling his neck and stretching.

"You're really cute when you sleep," I informed him with a smile, standing again and moving over beside him on the couch.

"And what about when I'm not asleep?" he asked, feigning offense as he pulled me half onto his lap.

I pretended to deliberate. "You're okay-looking, I guess," I said finally, leaning back against his chest and tucking my head under his chin.

"You can't lie to me; I know you think I'm handsome," James said.

"Right, I forgot you got that one out of me," I said with an exaggerated sigh. "Well, cat's out of the bag now."

James chuckled. "So, what are you doing up, anyway?"

"I had that dream again," I replied.

"Really? Maybe it is something to worry about after all."

I didn't answer. James shifted slightly so he could look at me. "I'm kidding, you know."

I nodded, trying to smile at him—I didn't want to admit it, but the dream was starting to seriously scare me.

James moved so his chin was resting on my head once again.

"I don't want you to die either," I said quietly after a pause, tracing a random pattern on the back of James's right hand with my finger.

"That's comforting," James said lightly, but his arm tensed slightly around my waist.

"Because I love you too," I whispered.

James didn't say anything; he merely kissed the top of my head and hugged me closer.

**Chapter 30: Closure**

"GOOD morning!" Sirius's voice broke through my unconscious mind. When I opened my eyes, my field of vision was completely taken over by Sirius's grinning face, mere inches from mine.

I jumped, jostling Lily, whose head was on my lap, awake. "Merlin, Padfoot," I said, annoyed. "Don't _do _that."

Lily sat up, rubbing her eyes. Blinking, she said, "Oops. Guess we fell asleep in the common room."

"That you did indeed," Remus said, grinning as well.

"Something I wouldn't recommend," I said, wincing as I stretched my stiff muscles.

"And what brought you two down here in the middle of the night?" Sirius asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

I shoved him away without answering. Standing, I turned to Lily. "See you at breakfast?"

She nodded, smiled briefly at me, and turned towards the girls' dormitory.

Despite my friends' rude awakening, and despite my cramped and aching muscles, I couldn't help but smile as I took the stairs to my dormitory two at a time. Lily loved me. Lily Evans. Was in love. With me. The three things seemed impossible to reconcile in my mind, yet they were true. _Who'd've thought, at the beginning of this year, that this would happen?_

Still grinning absently to myself, I changed out of the clothes I'd fallen asleep in twice last night. As I was pulling my robes back on over my head, I noticed that the Marauder's Map was lying open and un-wiped on Peter's bed. Frowning, I walked over to it. Usually, he wouldn't be so careless to leave it exposed, even in the privacy of our dormitory. _Well, he must have hurried off this morning and forgot about it. Come to think of it, he wasn't there this morning when Sirius woke me up. And why would he have been looking at the Map so early in the morning? _Unable to come up with an answer to either of these questions, I pulled out my wand to wipe the Map blank again. However, something caught my eye, and I drew the Map closer to my face. Scanning the grounds, I noticed a lone dot wandering near the greenhouses. It was labeled 'Severus Snape.'

My stomach leaped in shock, and an unaccountable anger filled me. Hastily wiping the Map clean and throwing it back onto the bed, I sprinted out of my dormitory, across the common room, and down the seven flights of stairs into the Entrance Hall. Bursting out of the oak front doors, I started toward the greenhouses. As I approached them, I thought I saw someone whip out of sight around the edge of greenhouse three, but my eyes were trained on Snape's much more conspicuous form, currently with his back towards me.

"Snape!" I bellowed, drawing my wand as I stalked nearer.

Snape whirled around, but to my surprise didn't draw his wand in turn. He glared at me with hatred that equaled and perhaps exceeded that which he'd always shown me, but there was also a hint of something else in his eyes—a mixture of regret and powerful grief—and it was that which made me hesitate and lower my wand slightly as I reached him.

"Potter," Snape said curtly.

Then both of us were silent. I had no doubt that he finally knew I knew he was a Death Eater—yet his reaction, standing there completely exposed, not even trying for his wand, completely threw me. It was the last thing I'd have expected him to do.

Recovering slightly, I said harshly, "I should get—"

"Yeah, but by the time they get here, I'll be gone," Snape replied, as though he'd known what I was going to say almost before I started to say it.

"Not if I stop you," I challenged.

Snape raised an eyebrow. "You've had plenty of time to do that."

Silence fell between us again. I didn't know why I couldn't just stun him, or at least do _something_; the calm way he was just standing there put me on edge, as though this was some sort of trap.

"Well, since you're just going to stand there like an idiot, maybe I can get you to do something for me," Snape said, a sinister smile playing about his lips.

"Not bloody like—" I started.

"Give this to Lily, would you?" he asked, extending a small roll of parchment towards me. "And I've spelled it so only she can open it, just in case you're tempted," he added with a smirk. I took it—again, this wasn't at all what I'd been expecting. "I would do it myself, but . . ." The strange mix of regret and grief flitted through his eyes again. It was so quickly replaced with the loathing I was used to that I wondered if I'd imagined it. Snape started backing slowly away from me. "I'd watch myself, if I were you, Potter. We've still got people in Hogwarts, perhaps closer than you'd think." He grinned cruelly at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked sharply.

But Snape just turned and strode away. Belatedly, my mind returned to the image of someone slipping away past the greenhouse. I hurried around it, but saw no one. I stood there for a few seconds before turning back towards the castle.

I still didn't know why I hadn't acted, tried to stop Snape and get Dumbledore or someone to . . . what? Well, do something more than I'd done, which was a fat lot of nothing. But, though I'd barely considered it before, I couldn't help dwelling on the person behind the greenhouse. I had a strange suspicion they'd been watching mine and Snape's conversation, ready to intervene if I'd tried anything. _Though maybe I'm just trying to justify my actions. Or rather, non-actions. _I sighed.

Another part of my mind was still puzzling over Snape's similar lack of antagonistic behavior. Normally, he reacted so quickly to any hint of a threat from me that I barely had an advantage in drawing my wand first.

I glanced down at the parchment Snape had given me, yet another item to add to his strange actions. I tried to open it as I covered the remaining distance to the castle, but, true to his word, Snape had made it impossible to unseal. _Well, hope Lily knows what to do with it. Not that I'd be too concerned if she doesn't._

I placed the note in my pocket as I joined my friends at the Gryffindor table.

"Took you long enough," Sirius said.

"Where've you been?" Lily asked.

"Later," I muttered to her.

Everyone looked up with interest at this. "So, ready to make tonight's the best Quidditch practice of the season?" I asked Sophie, hoping the others would accept the change of subject. I didn't feel too keen about sharing my latest encounter with Snape with them. I knew Sirius would be pissed I hadn't maimed him, at least. Truth to tell, I wasn't too happy about sharing it with Lily either, though that really couldn't be avoided.

"Yeah—it's so exciting that we're in the running for the Cup!" Sophie said.

"Hey, now, don't jinx it," I said warningly. Our final match was Saturday against Ravenclaw. We'd lost the Cup to them last year, and I really fancied ending my time at Hogwarts and my second year as captain with a win.

"Sorry captain," Sophie said with a wink, rapping her knuckles twice against the wood of the table.

"Please stop looking at me like that," I told Lily, a little shortly, for about the hundredth time that day. She kept glancing expectantly in my direction, as if I might suddenly decide in the middle of class to tell her why I'd been late to breakfast, and if she wasn't paying attention she would miss it.

"Sorry," she said quickly, turning away. "You _are _going to tell me eventually, I suppose?" she added in a whisper.

"Yes," I said exasperatedly. "I'll tell you during rounds tonight. Promise."

"All right, sorry," she said again. "I'm just curious, is all."

"Really?" I said dryly. "I had no idea."

Lily looked at me with narrowed eyes, and I grinned back at her.

"I ran into Snape this morning." Lily and I had barely left the common room for rounds, but I knew she wouldn't want to talk about anything else until I explained my mysterious behavior this morning.

"What?" she almost yelled. "He's here?"

"Was," I corrected. "And rather briefly, at that." I told her about our strange encounter and passed along Snape's note.

Lily stared at it for a moment, an unreadable expression in her eyes, and then tucked it into a pocket. When she met my eyes again, she was frowning in concern and confusion. "So, what was he doing here? I mean, he didn't come just to give me this, did he?" She indicated the pocket where Snape's note now resided.

I shrugged. "No idea." Then I frowned. "There's something suspicious about the other person behind the greenhouses that I can't seem to shake."

"So, you think they're planning another attack?"

I shrugged again. This conversation was only making me feel worse for 'standing there like an idiot,' as Snape had so infuriatingly, and yet accurately, put it. "I should have stopped him, held him for questioning, something," I said, frustrated with myself.

Lily shook her head. "I'd rather you let him walk away than get hurt trying to detain him." She smiled briefly at me.

I returned her smile, though it hadn't made me feel any better about the situation.

"Besides," Lily continued, "you said yourself that the whole thing made you uneasy."

I sighed. "Yeah, well, I'm just so used to him trying to take my head off every time we meet that it seemed so off when he didn't."

Lily sighed as well. "Yes, that is weird."

"Anyway, nothing I can do about it now," I said.

"Well, one thing's certain—you certainly seem to have a knack for running into him at inopportune times."

"I look at any run-in with him as inopportune," I muttered.

At the end of rounds, Lily hesitated before following me into the common room. Turning, I looked at her questioningly.

"I think I'm going to read this by myself somewhere," she said, holding up Snape's note.

"Er, okay," I said. I hesitated—I really wanted to know what he'd written, but I also knew Lily had every right not to share that. "Um, well, see you in a bit, then," I said.

"See you." Lily reached out and squeezed my hand briefly before turning down the corridor.

I hadn't let James see it, but I was burning with curiosity about the content of Severus's letter. _It _is _weird that he gave it to James to give to me—why didn't he just send it by owl? _I thought, shutting myself in an empty classroom. _Maybe he was hoping to see me, and then decided against it. Smart move, probably, as I think I'd've had trouble not smacking him across the face if I saw him. _Deep down, I knew what I felt was relief at not seeing Severus—I couldn't seem to shake the fears I'd confessed to James the previous evening. Part of me knew they were probably unfounded, but I also knew Severus was a much different person now than the one I'd been best friends with.

Still, some things never changed—he'd sealed the letter the way he always used to when sending me mail. Overall a mistrustful person, Severus had never risked the chance that someone else would read it, even if all he'd written was something perfectly ordinary. However, I had a feeling the contents of this particular correspondence would be anything but mundane.

My fingers shaking slightly, I pulled out my wand, tapped the small scroll of parchment, and whispered the password Severus and I had made up in our first year for such occasions: "Snake Lily." It was a type of flower, one that grew in abundance by the river where Severus and I had spent many a summer's day. The name also represented us: the snake part for Slytherin, and the lily part for—obviously—my name.

After I'd spoken the words, the parchment unraveled to reveal a short note scrawled in Severus's spiky, cramped handwriting.

I'm surprised you didn't just throw this in the fire without reading it. Can't say I would've blamed you if you had. I know you hate me, and I know I deserve it—I hardly like myself these days, but once you're in, there's not really any way to—

Sorry. I didn't write this to make excuses for myself. I wrote it to tell you—here he'd scratched something out—to stay safe, because I couldn't forgive myself if anything happened to you. And to tell you (for about the 1000th time) that I'm sorry. Even though I know they'll just seem like empty words, they're the only ones I have.

Always,

Severus

I'd never received a more tragic piece of post. It almost made me feel bad for hating him. Almost. What I definitely felt was ridiculous, for being afraid of him. Clearly, he wouldn't try to kill or even hurt me if we ever met in combat—the actual concept was still too strange to consider, of course, but at least I had the hypothetical sorted out.

It was weird, though; I thought he harbored at least some unfriendly feelings towards me, but that didn't seem to be the case at all. In fact, it almost seemed like . . . I shook my head. _Ridiculous._

After glancing through the letter once more and trying unsuccessfully to make out what he'd scribbled over, I did burn it. I didn't foresee any future occasion where I'd want to read it again. Besides, it was so short, I'd basically memorized it after two read-throughs.

_Well, I guess this is some kind of closure, which is . . . well, not nice, per se, considering the circumstances, but necessary. _It was still surreal to think that we'd ever been friends. I shivered slightly, suddenly not wanting to be alone. I brushed some stray ashes from the burnt letter off my robes and hurried back to the common room. James, Peter, Remus, Brea and Sophie were all doing homework by the fire. Sirius was lounging in his chair, crumpling up bits of paper and lobbing them at Sophie. I smiled to myself as one hit her in the ear and she whipped around and pointed her quill threateningly at him, saying something I couldn't hear. James glanced around, saw me standing against the wall by the portrait hole, and came over.

"So?" he asked. "What did it say?"

"Not much of importance," I said, knowing the contents Severus's letter weren't something I needed or wanted to share with James. _I'm allowed some privacy, aren't I?_

James raised a doubtful eyebrow. But all he said was, "Okay. You're not bound to tell me everything, I guess," he added, almost as though I'd asked my question aloud. "Though I can't say I won't be dying of curiosity about it for the rest of my life." He grinned.

"I think you'll survive," I said dryly. "Maybe I'll tell you some day, if you're very good."

"See, now, it's not fair to tempt me like that."

"Oh, but I don't think you'd be able to behave yourself for long enough, so it's an empty promise, really," I replied with a smirk.

James took a step closer and placed a hand beside my head, leaning casually against the wall. "Yeah, you're probably right," he said in a low voice, the look in his hazel eyes making me shiver pleasantly. He cupped my face in his other hand and leaned down to press his lips to mine.

Wolf-whistling and catcalls erupted from the direction of our friends.

"Hey, you two, get a room!" Sirius yelled over to us.

James pulled back and rolled his eyes at me. "Lovely friends we have, don't we?"

I could feel myself flushing slightly as we rejoined the group by the fire.

"How's the homework going?" I asked to forestall any teasing. With N.E.W.T.s just over a month away, our Professors had started piling on the work.

"What homework?" Sirius said with a grin.

"Frustratingly," Sophie answered, glaring at Sirius.

"I can't believe you can still wait to do homework until the night before at this point in the year," I said to Sirius resentfully as I pulled out my own books. "And I'd advise you not to push her too far," I added, gesturing at Sophie.

Sirius shrugged. "It's so much fun, though—I'll take my chances." He smirked at Sophie, who just rolled her eyes.

"Okay, don't say I didn't warn you," I replied mildly.

We worked silently for a few minutes, but I looked up when I heard Sophie say, "Okay, that's it."

She was glaring at Sirius, and I could only assume he had done something to put her over the edge at last. Pulling out her wand, Sophie yelled, "_Aguamenti!_" and doused Sirius with a spout of water from her wand.

He coughed and spluttered in surprise, while the rest of us laughed.

"Told you," I said with a satisfied smile.

Sirius wrinkled his nose at me. Turning to Sophie, he held out his hand and said, "Truce?"

She nodded and reached out to shake his hand. As soon as she grasped it, Sirius pulled her forward and upended a bottle of ink over her head with his other hand.

**Chapter 31: Every New Beginning**

Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny—a perfect day for Quidditch.

"I have a good feeling about today," I told Sophie with a grin as we sat down for breakfast with the team.

"Good—me too," she replied, grinning back at me.

"And we're not playing Slytherin, which is always a plus," Chaser Kali Pritchard said.

Everyone else agreed.

"So, are you all ready?" Sirius asked as he, Peter, Remus, Brea, and Lily joined us.

"I think so," I said.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You _think_ so? That's not exactly comforting."

I threw a bit of toast at him.

"He's just worried because he and I have a bet going on the outcome of the match," Remus explained, spooning some eggs onto his plate.

"Oh," I said. Then I looked at my friend sharply. "Wait, does that mean you're betting on us to lose? For shame, Moony."

Remus shrugged. "Just trying to keep life interesting," he said calmly.

"Wow, I feel so . . . betrayed," I said. "Well, that just shows who my _real _friends are," I said, turning away with a sniff.

"You realize you probably just made him even more determined to win," Lily told Remus.

"I know," he said unconcernedly, pouring himself a glass of pumpkin juice. Leaning across the table towards Lily, he added in a stage whisper, "I don't actually want Gryffindor to lose."

I rolled my eyes.

"Then why make the bet?" Brea asked.

"I owe Sirius money from our last Hogsmeade visit anyway, though I don't think he remembered that."

Judging by the look on Sirius's face, he hadn't. "Well, now I feel betrayed too," he muttered.

Remus grinned at him.

"And on that note, time to go, team," I said.

"Good luck," Lily said, kissing me. "You too, Soph."

Everyone else wished Sophie and I luck as well, Sirius sealing his well-wishes with a kiss—er, just in Sophie's case, not mine. She'd only just forgiven him yesterday for the bottle of ink incident.

As we took the field thirty minutes later, I resolved not to let anything distract me this time. I would keep my attention on the game, even if Voldemort himself walked out onto the field—okay, that probably wasn't true, nor would it be prudent, but you get the point.

I caught the Quaffle as it was released from Madame Hooch's hands, immediately passing it up the field to Kali. She streaked off towards the Ravenclaw goal, I zoomed ahead of her to knock Terrence Camden, one of the Ravenclaw Chasers, out of her path, and seconds later Gryffindor had scored.

Camden caught the Quaffle from his Keeper and took off towards our goal posts. Bethany Morris, one of my Beaters, hit a Bludger in his direction, and as Camden was forced to roll over to avoid it, he lost his grip on the Quaffle. Catching it, I looped back towards the Ravenclaw goalposts, beating the Keeper to bring the score up to 20-0.

A few minutes later, Ravenclaw had tied up the score, and I was racing up the pitch with the Quaffle when Hooch's whistle sounded. Wondering if someone had committed a foul, I turned in midair, only to see the rest of my team streaking towards Sophie, who had a small golden ball clutched triumphantly in her right hand. I let out a surprised yell of celebration—I hadn't even seen her going for the Snitch. Tossing the Quaffle aside, I joined my teammates on the ground, hugging them all and shouting to Sophie, "I think that was your fastest catch this year! Maybe the fastest catch in the history of Quidditch!"

"I know!" she replied, elated.

We were soon met by what must have been all of Gryffindor House, and in the chaos of congratulations, I saw Sirius kiss Sophie so enthusiastically that he actually lifted her off the ground. Grinning, I scanned the crowd for the red flash of Lily's hair. I spotted her on the small platform at the other end of the pitch, holding the Quidditch Cup to present to us. I'd forgotten that was one of the many wonderful Head Boy and Girl duties. After several more confused minutes, I finally got my team up onto the platform.

Lily passed me the Cup with a smile. "Congratulations captain."

I passed it to Sophie, who lifted it into the air, and pulled Lily in for a kiss.

The remaining month of school passed remarkably quickly. With all the work our Professors jammed into the last four weeks before our N.E.W.T. exams, even Sirius and I were forced to spend entire weekend days on homework. It was rather cruel, actually, because by the time we had to start studying for the exams, we were already exhausted by the amount of work we'd had to do.

On the Saturday afternoon before the exams were scheduled to start, Lily suddenly shut her Transfiguration book with a snap. "Okay, my brain literally hurts—I need a break. Anyone care to join me?"

Everyone shook their heads but I got up and followed her wordlessly out of the portrait hole.

"So, where are we off to?" I asked.

But Lily didn't appear to hear me. "I don't think I'll be able to remember it all," she said worriedly.

"You'll be fine," I assured her, taking her hand and directing us towards the Entrance Hall. "I'm sure you said the same thing about the O.W.L.s."

Lily looked at me in surprise. "Actually, I think I did." I smirked at her, and she shook her head. "You know me too well," she muttered.

Reaching the front doors of the castle, we pushed through them into the warm sunshine. We wandered slowly in the direction of the lake, neither of us speaking for several minutes.

"One week left," Lily said finally, sounding a little wistful. "Where did the time go?"

I'd been wondering the same thing lately. "No idea," I said. "But I'm almost positive it can't have been seven years already."

Lily smiled. "I know." Then the smile slipped from her face, and she looked away. "Sorry I hated you for most of them," she added softly.

I shrugged, squeezing her hand. "I'd say most of it was fairly well justified."

"Maybe, but if I—"

I held up a hand to forestall her. "Just because we've been talking about graduating doesn't mean you have to get all nostalgic about everything. Besides, I'm perfectly happy with the way things turned out."

Lily nodded slowly. "Well, good," she said finally, flashing a smile at me again. We stopped at the edge of the lake. "It's kind of hot in the sun," Lily commented.

"I can fix that," I said slyly. And before Lily had a chance to grasp the implication of what I'd said, I grabbed her and tossed her bodily into the lake.

She emerged from the water with a gasp. "James Potter, you are in _so _much trouble," she yelled at me.

Laughing, I didn't see her raise her hand fast enough to dodge the spray of water she sent flying my way. Momentarily blinded, I felt a jerk on my left arm, and the next thing I knew, I was plunged into the icy black water. Surfacing, I shot a spout of water from my mouth. "Touché," I said to Lily, grinning at her murderous expression. I shivered a little. "Water's a bit cold, huh?" I added conversationally.

Lily splashed me in the face again and climbed out of the lake. Wiping the water from my eyes, I followed her. "See, now the sun feels perfect," I said.

Lily shoved me. "You are really annoying sometimes, did you know that?"  
"Only sometimes? That's an improvement."

With a sigh, Lily sat down on the grass. Following suit, I grinned at her, and she finally smiled back, though slightly exasperatedly.

Simultaneously, we lay back on the ground, letting the sun start to dry our drenched clothes and hair. I moved my hand so my pinky just touched Lily's. As we lay there, connected by just that small digit, I wished I could stop time and hold this moment in my mind forever.

I shut my eyes against the brightness of the sun above me, its warmth making me feel content and sleepy. I grudgingly admitted to myself that I did feel less uncomfortably hot than before, but I still did not appreciate my unexpected trip into the lake.

"Lil?" James asked after a few minutes.

"Mmm?" I replied without opening my eyes.

"Just seeing if you're still awake."

I cracked open my left eye and turned towards him slightly. "I don't fall asleep that fast."

James smiled crookedly at me. "So, what d'you reckon?"

"About what?"  
"About us. I mean, the way I see it, all we've pretty much got left is to get married."

I laughed. James didn't say anything, but merely continued to look at me. I raised myself up on an elbow, frowning slightly. "Wait, you're serious?"

He mirrored my movements so we were facing each other. "Pretty serious, yeah," he replied calmly.

I sat up abruptly, my heart starting to pound. "So . . . is this—I mean, are you proposing to me?"

James sat up as well. "No," he replied, reaching out to pluck a piece of grass from my hair. "Just letting you know it's on the table."

"Oh," was all I could think of to say. "Well, can I, um, think about this?" I said finally.

"That's allowed," James said easily, lying back on the ground once more with his hands behind his head. "Though, you may recall, _you_ broached the subject first."

I glared at him. "That doesn't count."

"It's what got me thinking about it, so I'd say it does."

My stomach leaped slightly. _He's been thinking about this for over two months? I guess he really is serious. But . . . do I want to marry him? I mean, marriage is a big deal. _I couldn't tell if I was scared or excited when I tried to picture myself married to James. Maybe both. I looked at James, who had been watching me closely. I smiled at him. "I'll get back to you."

"Take your time," he said. "I'm used to waiting." He winked at me.

"Yeah, I guess I am always the second one on board in this relationship, huh?"

James grinned. "Well, you kissed me first."

"You know, bringing up all my embarrassing moments isn't exactly the best way to convince me to marry you."

"Sorry," he said, though he was still grinning.

I lay back down, this time resting my head on James's chest so our bodies formed a T. "Not that I'm saying you have to fake propose to Sophie or anything," I muttered.

I felt more than heard James laugh, his chest vibrating under my head, and a reluctant grin spread across my face as well.

As the N.E.W.T.s began, I didn't have time to think about trivial things like marriage. Though we only had five subjects to cover this time, as opposed to the nine I'd had for my O.W.L.s, we had to know literally everything about them. The tests followed the same pattern—we had written exams in the morning and practical exams in the afternoon. No one talked very much that week; everyone was slightly on edge and likely to explode at the slightest provocation. We didn't let ourselves start to see the light at the end of the tunnel until just before our last practical exam: Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"One hour to freedom, mates," Sirius said excitedly as we were waiting to be called into the Great Hall.

"One hour for you, maybe, since you'll be in the first group," Sophie said grumpily. They called us in alphabetically in groups of five.

"I can sweet talk the examiner into giving you a good score," Sirius offered.

The rest of us snorted with laughter—all the examiners were ancient men and women; the thought of Sirius trying to "sweet talk" any of them was as funny as it was disturbing.

Sophie glared at him. "What, you think I can't get a good score without your help?" she demanded.

"No, of course not, keep your shirt on," Sirius muttered.

Sophie raised an eyebrow at him. Sirius suddenly realized what he'd said, and turned bright red. "Er, I mean—that is—" he stuttered.

I grinned—I'd never seen him flustered, and it was fairly amusing. Luckily for him, one of the examiners poked his head into the Entrance Hall at that moment and announced the first five students; Sirius and I among them.

"Good luck!" our friends called after us.

"Thanks," I said, smiling at them, but Sirius just walked quickly into the Great Hall.

I smirked at him as we headed towards our examiners. "Shut up, Lily," he hissed at me.

Still smiling, I approached the old woman who would instruct me in the practical exam. She returned my smile, saying, "I'm glad you look so relaxed; there's really no need to be nervous."

And, as it turned out, she was right. Whether Sirius's antics had lifted my spirits, or whether I was simply ready to be done with it all, the Defense Against the Dark Arts practical was my easiest of the five. As my examiner paused to write something down, I glanced over at Sirius in time to see a silvery dog fading from the air in front of him. His examiner said something, smiled, and Sirius started towards the door of the Great Hall, winking at me as he went.

"All right, dear," my examiner said, drawing my attention back to her. "The last thing I'm going to ask you to do is produce a Patronus, and then you'll be free to go." She smiled at me, waiting.

It was easy to conjure up a happy memory, even if it was future-oriented—I would be so happy to be done with these exams! Focusing on the freedom that would in mere minutes be mine, I said confidently, "_Expecto patronum!"_

Instead of the wings and slender neck of a swan that I was expecting, a slim, four-legged creature emerged from my wand. It was a doe. For a second, all I could do was stare—it didn't take a genius to figure out what the change signified.

"Wonderful, thank you Miss Evans. You may go." The voice of the examiner brought me back to reality. Slightly dazed, I lowered my wand. As I approached the doors to the Entrance Hall, I noticed Sirius had stopped to watch the end of my exam. He was grinning, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Nice Patronus," he murmured to me as we exited the Great Hall.

I barely heard him as I scanned the small group gathered in the Hall for James. Catching his eye, I said, "I need to talk to you after this."

He frowned slightly. "Everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, I think it is," Sirius answered for me with a smirk.

I hit him on the arm. "Yes, everything's fine. Just find me after you're done, all right?"

James nodded, still looking confused.

Sirius and I continued walking toward the front doors. Instead of following me out of them, however, Sirius said, "I forgot something in the common room—I'll see you later, Lily."

"See you," I said, wondering what was so important that it would prevent him from celebrating his freedom.

I hadn't been outside of the castle since the day James had shoved me into the lake. Turning towards it again now, I had only gone a few steps when I was overcome by a strong sense of déjà vu. It had been a similar day two years ago, coming out here after my Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L., that had changed the course of my life.

I snorted a little as I sat down by the water. _Don't be so dramatic, Lily, _I chided myself. But it was true, in a sense. That day marked the end of my friendship with Severus and the beginning . . . well, not really of anything, at least not immediately. But it was the impetus for James's and my friendship, a friendship that had evolved to the point that I was now sitting here seriously thinking about spending the rest of my life with someone I'd hated not a year earlier.

I smiled wryly. _It took a dream for me to realize that I loved him, my Patronus to convince me to marry him . . . why couldn't I have just figured these things out on my own? _But even as I thought it, I realized I had. I'd known for a long time that James was the person I wanted to grow old with, maybe even from the moment I'd kissed him after Slughorn's party. I'd just been too stubborn to accept it, too scared that it was a crazy thing to do, because I'd gotten so used to hating James that it had become a safe and familiar part of my life. But safe and familiar was no longer acceptable—what kind of a life was that? Not the one I wanted.

I glanced back to the castle to see James striding towards me. Standing, I greeted him with a smile.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Okay," I said, ignoring his question.

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I'll marry you," I answered, my smile widening.

James stared at me for a moment. Then, a huge grin spread across his face and he kissed me enthusiastically, lifting me slightly off the ground. He got a look of mock sternness on his face as he set me down again. "You got me all worried for nothing—I thought there was something wrong. So, if I fail my Defense N.E.W.T., I'm blaming you."

I winced slightly. "Sor—" I started, but James interrupted me with another kiss.

"It's all right," he assured me. "Besides, you have no idea how happy you've just made me."

"Well, if it's anything close to how happy I feel right now, I think I have a pretty good idea," I replied, my arms still around his neck.

"Oh, I almost forgot," James said, releasing me and reaching into his pocket. Grabbing my left hand from behind his head, he slipped a small diamond ring onto my third finger. "There, now it's official," he said with a grin.

I stared at the ring, speechless. "How—where—when did you get this?" I stuttered.

"Er, couple weeks ago? That weekend you, Brea and Sophie went to Hogsmeade and Sirius and I stayed back, we went into London and picked it out. Well, I picked it out—Sirius was just there for moral support, really. He, uh, brought it down to me after my exam, said I might be needing it . . ." he trailed off, looking questioningly at me.

"Well, maybe he just had an instinct that—" I stopped, not really knowing how I'd been planning to finish that sentence.

James raised an eyebrow, an amused smile on his face.

"It's kind of embarrassing," I muttered.

James just continued to grin at me.

I sighed. "Fine," I said resignedly. Pulling out my wand, I said "_Expecto patronum_." The white doe emerged once more from my wand. As I lowered my wand and the Patronus faded away, I turned back to James, grimacing in anticipation of his reaction.

His lips were trembling, as though he was fighting not to laugh. "I see," he said. "Well, that's—er—interesting."

And without commenting further, he took my hand and led me back towards the castle.

The following afternoon, I shut the lid of my trunk for the last time. Sitting down on my bed, I looked around the room that had been my home for the past seven years, trying to memorize its exact shape, size and color so I could have a picture of it in my mind forever.

After my gaze had travelled over every surface, it came to rest on the ring on my left hand. I couldn't help but grin as I wiggled my finger, the diamond shooting pinpoints of light around the room in the afternoon sun. Mind, I was lucky to still _have _a finger, as Sophie had nearly ripped it off in excitement when I'd shown her and Brea the ring the night before.

Standing, I levitated my trunk and descended the stairs. Leaving my trunk near the bottom of the staircase, I walked over to join my friends in our customary seats by the fire. Remus, Peter, and Brea were settled in armchairs, Sophie was sitting on Sirius's lap, and James patted the seat on the couch next to him as I approached. Taking it, I curled my feet under me with a sigh.

"Well, this is it," James said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"Can't believe our last day at Hogwarts is actually here," Brea said softly.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," James said, looking at Remus, Sirius, and Peter. "I hid the Map in Filch's office this morning.

"You what?!" they all exclaimed in unison.

"Why?" Sirius added, sounding as though he'd just found out his dog had died.

"Yeah, well, I figured we won't really be needing it anymore," James explained. "Anyway, we've basically memorized all the secret passages, and I don't really care to continue keeping track of what everyone in the castle is up to."

"I guess," Sirius said, still sounding depressed.

"I suppose it's nice to think we'll be leaving some sort of legacy behind," Remus mused.

"Exactly," James said, grinning. "What kind of pranksters would we be if we didn't try to help the next generation?"

"But how are they going to find it? Moreover, how will they figure out how to use it?" Sophie asked with a frown.

"Oh, if they're worthy of the Map, they'll find a way," Sirius said confidently, starting to warm up to the idea.

We fell silent again. "I'm really going to miss this place," I said finally.

James grinned down at me. "Come on, Lily, where's your sense of adventure?"

I couldn't help but smile back. _And what an adventure it will be._

**Epilogue: Til Death Do Us Part**

Harry reached for the colorful bubbles spouting from my wand, laughing as they popped on his fingers. The sound of my son's laughter brought a smile to my face, a rare sight these days. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade Harry for the world. But his birth was the reason I was stuck inside my own house, feeling completely useless. I wondered for the hundredth time why Voldemort could possibly want to kill my son. He was barely one year old, for Merlin's sake! What kind of threat could he pose?

I'd tried to ask Dumbledore this, but I might as well have been questioning the oak tree outside our door for as much information as I got. He'd said that the less I knew, the better. Which bloody well made no sense to me.

Harry's distressed whimpering brought me back to the present. In my distraction, I'd lost track of what I was doing, with the result that my wand was now practically pelting bubbles in his face. I lowered it quickly and set it beside me on the couch.

"Sorry, bud," I apologized to Harry, wiping the soapy bubble residue off his face. He grinned toothily at me. "Good thing you forgive easily," I said quietly, feeling an answering smile spread across my face again.

Lily entered the room, scooping Harry into her arms as she settled beside me on the couch. Harry leaned back against his mother, sticking his thumb in his mouth.

I glanced out of the window behind me. Muggle children in various costumes rushed past, each determined to gather as much candy as possible for Halloween.

Lily reached over and squeezed my hand. "I know it's hard," she said softly.

I tried to smile at her, but didn't quite manage it. "It's just, I didn't join the Order so I could sit around doing nothing," I said with a sigh. We'd had this conversation several times since we'd gone into hiding in June, and I knew Lily was getting sick of it, but I couldn't help it.

"Well, you wouldn't do much good for them dead, either," she said.

I didn't answer. Privately, I didn't think it would do any harm for me to go outside at least once a week. But whenever I brought this up with Lily, she got tight-lipped and changed the subject.

"Almost bedtime, I think," Lily said quietly. I glanced down at Harry, who was fighting to keep his eyes open. "Moony and Padfoot said they'd try to stop by tomorrow," she added, and I knew she was trying to cheer me up. I did enjoy seeing my best friends, but it just made me feel more useless to hear about everything they were doing for the Order.

"Yeah, we'll have to—" I started, when I was interrupted by the front door banging open. "What the—" I said, rising from the couch.

"James!" Lily said urgently as I strode towards the hallway, but I barely heard her. Standing in our doorway, framed in a misty light from the streetlights outside, was Lord Voldemort.

"Lily, take Harry and run! It's him!" I yelled.

My brain didn't seem to be working properly. _How did this happen? I thought we were supposed to be safe—that's why we've been trapped here. What did Peter—_and then I realized that he must have betrayed us; it was the only explanation. As I struggled to grasp that impossible thought, Voldemort raised his wand. Belatedly, I realized mine was still lying on the couch. "Lily, I love you," I whispered as a flash of green light filled the hallway and I knew no more.

I crashed up the stairs, pushing blindly into Harry's bedroom. I didn't even know what I was doing, only that I wanted to put as much space as possible between Harry and Voldemort. I couldn't think, couldn't comprehend how he came to be in our house.

Setting Harry in his crib, I started shoving furniture and boxes against the door, knowing even as I did so that it wouldn't make a difference. It was just like that dream from so long ago, the one I hadn't had in nearly three years, except this time I wasn't asleep. I knew, as I'd always known in the dream, that James would dead by now, but I quickly pushed the thought away, my panicked brain unable to deal with it.

I'd never been able to save the baby in the dream, though it had always been a background figure anyway. But now he was my son, and I was still going to fail. I was going to fail in the one duty I had as a mother: to protect my child. Tears began to stream soundlessly down my face as I listened to the footsteps in the hallway. The door burst open, scattering the hastily piled obstacles I'd placed in front of it. The horribly familiar non-human face turned towards me, a murderous gleam in the red eyes.

I stepped in front of Harry, spreading my arms to shield him, however briefly, from the evil that awaited us both. And as useless as I knew it would be, I pleaded, "Please, not Harry, don't kill him—kill me instead."

"Stand aside, you silly girl," Voldemort commanded coldly.

"Please," I whispered again, my voice cracking.

"I'll only ask you once more—stand aside!"

From somewhere deep within me, a hidden strength suddenly bubbled forth. "Never," I said, my voice surprisingly steady.

Voldemort raised his wand, and I didn't shrink away, but met his eyes defiantly. _James, I'll see you soon._


End file.
